Why does she have to date a dude so close to me, Advice please

[MrSadman]

This is Mr.Sadman Im back again cause I never thought I feel this sad again. My story is im 18 and in college and had never had a gf until January and she was the best girl ever I couldnt believe I was such a lucky guy who got her and she became my first gf. The relationship had a big problem in it though (read my first every post by clicking on my name to read previous post) and she broke up with me because I told her I loved her only after one month of dating. She said she was not ready for that and my feelings for her were to fast.

 

Since we were in the same class together after she broke up with me it made it so hard to go to the class every other day. How can you heal when your ex is in your class with all her friends who know about the situation? I cried every day before that class and after class and many times between cause I was so devastated by the breakup. Yet I still made it to each class eyes read from crying so hard and I got an A. I know that is not to manly of me but bare with me and I went to the bathroom or my car everytime I cried so no one could see me.

 

The problem is when she got a new boyfriend her friends asked about him in our class and she told them all yea she had a new boyfriend. I know she had no option she had to tell them but she could have whispered it to them, so I couldnt hear it that again broke my heart. She dated him one month after dumping me which made me feel worse cause I cant believe by me just telling her I love her in one month that is what ended the relationship, but I guess it did. The healing process took another shoot when I was walking to my dorm and saw them kiss each other that just shook my whole body.

 

From the time she broke up with me in February till the end of that semester I moped around. This is how I got the nickname Mr. Sadman cause this one girl who is my friend says I never look happy always look sad. I tried not to mope but could not stop it which prolly ruined any chance of a girl looking at me cause I looked so sad. Now the summer time came and off to my house far from college I still couldnt get over her the whole four months of vacation. I thought about her everyday thats how I found this site cause I wanted some advice and I got some great advice but could not follow it.

 

I thought when I came back I was going to be sad again any man was I. Not only did her new bf live down the hall from he she went to see him everyday so since I live on the same hall I saw her almost everyday. NO healing happened I was still very sad. Then I hear that she broke up with the dude and I got my hopes up like now maybe I can get her back. I thought this for a week, but now comes today I saw her with a guy kissing who lives right across the door from me I can even hear his tv are rooms are so close this devestated me again my heart is like been smashed so much its not into pieces its into atoms and molecules. What can I do now to heal I havent had a chance to heal I cant seem to escape her dating people who live near me or being in the same class I need advice should I just stay out of my dorm until late so I wont have to hear them kiss and talk ahhhh when will this heartbreak end???

 

Do you think my girl is playing mind games with me. First she was dating a dude down the hall from me, now she dumped him she is dating a dude right across the hall from me. I never did anything bad to her treat her bad i did beg her to come back to me when she dumped in February, but anyone would do that if they love their with a their heart. When she dumped the dude who lives down the hall from me she always said hi to me everytime we passed each other and i of course smiled back and say hey right back. But now she dating the dude across the hall from me she ignores me and turns her head when passing. I have no idea why she does this I never talked behind her back or said anything to me. I went her a couple months ago and you El Burro told me not to mope around like a sad dog cause girls find that unappealing. So I always walk around with a smile on my face even if though I always feel sad because I dont have her. Maybe she mad at me because I always keep my door open and when her and the other guy go the room with each other , I dont say hi to her or him but what guy would want to say hi to their ex girlfriend who they still love as she enters a room with a another guy not me.

[2SidestoStories]

First, let me say that I'm sorry this has been such a long and drawn out heartbreak for you.

 

Secondly, let me point out something that you REALLY need to do in order to get past this:

Do you think my girl is playing mind games with me

 

She is NOT YOUR girl. She broke up with you, and has moved on with her life. You need to do the same. You have allowed this girl to dictate your behavior for far too long, and if it continues, you will end up being in far worse shape. I could easily tell you, "There are other fish in the sea" and that sort of thing, but the fact is you're not going to even notice there's a SEA, let alone other fish out there until you can pull your head out of your sadness and get your life back.

 

You remaining in denial does not make the reality any different. You're simply causing yourself more grief by having any attachment to something that does not exist.

[amerikajin]

What I'm about to say is going to sound brutal, but listen up: 2sides speaks the God's gospel. You're not her man, and she's NOT your girl. It's over, pal. That's the flashing sign that needs to go off in your head right now every time you see her. It's OVER! There will NEVER be a wedding party for you two.

 

Now, here's the great part. You're free to date other girls right now. Do it, and do it often. What I'm saying is, be a player (sorry 2sides, but you know damn well that's the truth for someone at his age). Go out and play, boy! Play nice, but play.

 

Now, here's a tip. You don't get chicks by being a mope. What you have to do is to find the old self. Start working on a sales pitch. Pick up a few funny lines (preferably ones that chicks have't heard a thousand times before) and better yet, make a few of your own (but be sure to test them on your female friends first before schmoozing it up on some fine lady your trying to work).

 

The first thing to do is absolutely FORGET about this chick and start working on others - once you keep yourself occupied by the thrill of the chase you'll soon realize that you've pretty much forgotten about her (the lovesickness symptoms should go away in about the time it takes to cure a bad case of jock itch, 2-4 weeks).

 

Once you've forgotten about her, start learning to play the game.

 

Rule#1 - ALWAYS remember to be yourself. Comfortable. Loose. Hanging out with the fellas but being your own man all at the same time.

 

Rule #2 - Watch, wait for the women to give YOU the signs. You can't force yourself on a woman. You wait for the cues - THEN you casually approach them. The signs? Eye contact. A smile. Think of a good ice-breaker - something funny (not corny). Observe. Wait. See how she reacts. If she likes you she'll start wanting to know more about you and she'll smile, touch you and all sorts of crap like that. If she does all those things, badaboom badabing. She's yours. Ask for the phone number. She'll either say Yes or No, and don't take it personally if she says no. Just move on to the next prospect.

 

Rule#3 - What you absolutely cannot do is appear desperate. Make if guess whether you like her or not. Like for example, when you get the phone number, wait at least four to seven days to set up the date.

 

Rule #4 - When you set up the date, call her and have a plan of action. Pick a nice restaurant you know she'll like. Don't ask her what she likes, just find out if there's something she DOESN'T like and go from there. Call. Set up the date. Get off the phone. Don't talk to her again until you pick her up. Keep her guessing.

 

Rule#5 - Whatever you do, do NOT settle for one girl until you've test driven a few cars. You keep picking up those phone numbers and you keep going out on dates until there's someone at there who's worth blocking out a significant portion of your time for. Mind you, I'm NOt at all saying treat women like crap - because you won't get anywhere that way, either. I'm NOT advocating dishonesty or breaking women's hearts. But until you've made a commitment, tell them "you're dating" - that's it. Nothing more. They don't need to know about you unless there's a commitment.

 

Rule #6 - When you get past rule 5, it won't be long before you have to worry about this rule. Don't let women control you. Don't put up with their crap. Again, never get irate or grumpy. But in subtle ways let her know you're not going to put up with women's crap. If you get stood up for a date or get a last minute cancellation that seems odd, then move on to someone else. If they start nagging you about your life away from them, start turning the tables and nag them. Be yourself.

 

We've been wussified into believing that we have to be these chivalric creatures who spill our guts to women while they walk all over us. Don't buy into it.