swimmer1 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I will try to keep it short. I've been married 10 years and have two kids 8 and 3. My marriage has been what I'm reading on of convenience. Sex is sporadic sometimes months go by. I love my wife but I'm not in love anymore. I have talked to a few friends ( not mutual ) and have come to the decision I don't want to try and fix it. This has been a feeling for sometime. This weekend I met someone and she made me feel like I was in highschool again and the sad but true part is I'm falling for her. This is destroying my stomach. I don't know what to do my wife hasn't worked for 8 years and I'm worried about my 2 great kids. But I can't live like this. Any advice
bbdad23 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Swimmer1. I am in a difficult situation also, but I am on the other side of infidelity. I have two great kids also but my wife has cheated on me twice and does not want to work on the marriage. She is in a fog right now and she is experiencing that "in love" feeling with somebody else. The sad part, it is not love you are feeling. The thing you are feeling is lust and typically that feeling goes away in 6 or 7 months. You say you love your wife and kids but you do not want to work on your marriage and you are having an affair? You have these feelings for another woman? True love is not a feeling, it is a CHOICE. You choose to love your spouse by finding out her emotional needs and putting those needs above your own. I have a feeling you are not meeting her emotional needs and that is why your sex life is suffering. You don't communicate and ask her what she needs. You expect your wife to tell you and woman are not like that. They do not communicate like men. If you believe your marriage has been on convenience, then why did you have kids? That feeling you have in your stomach is you acknowledging that divorce will not be healthy for your kids. You can sit here and deny that but the statistic on children with divorced parents are heartbreaking. I see you have three options here. 1. Get a divorce- the greatest cop-out and by far the most immature choice. 2. Tough out the marriage without working to improve it - another immature decision but not quite as irresponsible as divorce. 3. Maturely face up to personal hang-ups and choose to build an intimate marriage out of the existing one - the only really mature choice to make. You also should look at this other woman. If she the type of woman that will be with a married man and come between a marriage, is that the type of woman you want to be with? I would suggest you and your wife seek marriage counseling before it is too late. I know I may have too harsh but I have been on the other end of this stick and I have learned alot of things. Hope this helps.
LakesideDream Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Swimmer... if you have truely "checked out" of your marriage, and have no feelings for your wife you must "man up" and disclose the situation. You cannot, must not take the cowards way out and begin a relationship outside your marriage. Sit down with your wife and disclose your feelings. Lay it all out on the table. Then "walk away" if that's your choice. What's good for the goose and all that. Women are "walking away" from marriages in exponential numbers, there should be no shame if you do the same. To bad about the kids eh? Well you will just have to do your best to be a good single parent.
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