Justanotherschmuck Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Can the suspicion of your about to walkaway wife having an affair actually REDUCE your feelings of guilt about a failing marriage? I loathe my wife for considering walking away. BUt, over our 30 years together she had REPEATEDLY and CONSISTANTLY blamed me for EVERYTHING. I didn't dress right, I was never happy, I never made enough money, I never did stuff around the house, I was too generous with others. All this lead to a lot of fights. ANd because I admire her as a person (neat, organized, great personality, cute as a button, dedicated, up to this point a perfect mom) I got saddled with a TON of guilt. Yeah I could have been better, but I wasn't. I always worked a lot to try and make her comfortable with the financial situation, but it was near impossible. For many years I held down 3 jobs, coming close or going over 100 hours a week. But I would hear how the bills are barely getting paid, we have no money for family vacations, we are not saving for retirement. It would bum me out so bad. My wife wasn't a spender, but a saving queen and worrier. SHe wanted to stay home with the kids till they were in high school, so earning was up to me. ANd I failed miserabley. I just remember wanting her ONCE, just ONCE to tell me " thanks for trying so hard, I appreciate it." But it never happened. But anyways, she's followd typical walkaway wives characteristics and now only a miracle will save this. I have always snooped, trying to figure out WHY she was threatening to walkaway, becuase it just made no sense to me. I've never found anything. But within the last week or so, I've witnessed things that are out of character. She bought red pumps (being a normal male, i LOVE those and had asked her to buy some forever, but to no avail. Now she has them, after 23 years. She never skiing without the kids, her friend and her friends kids. This weekend she went sking with just her friend (who hates her husband and is her biggest cheerleader). She uses her email which I know the password for (and i have a keylogger). She would use it extensively, knowing I could get into it, so besides bad mouthing me and my nationality all the time, no incriminating stuff. Now, she uses it very infrequently. ANd no other email account is showing up on the keylogger. Its almost as if she knows and not making computer contanct. She used to charge her phone on the kitchen counter, in the open. Not for a month now. I know it ain't much. ANd I know I might just be reaching, actually HOPING that if she cheats, all the blame cannot be on me. It hurts me deeply that I was the cause of a marriage falling apart and turning a wonderful human being into nasty, I don't care person. I rather not see her having an affair, but strangly, it would reduce my guilt. I'm having trouble with this feeling. ANyone else?
trying123 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 from experience, if your gut is telling you stuff is weird, it is weird phone stuff=weird you shouldn't have to feel like spying shoe stuff=weird my advice, don't spy anymore, you wouldn't like it if she spied on you, just be honest and talk to her its your only hope
hopesndreams Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 ANd I know I might just be reaching, actually HOPING that if she cheats, all the blame cannot be on me. IF you find out she has been cheating it will hurt a thousand times worse than how you are feeling now. I rather not see her having an affair, but strangly, it would reduce my guilt. It won't.
Recommended Posts