SeattleGirl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Hello everyone. I joined this forum because I desperately need help with something. My boyfriend and I started dating seven months ago, and things were going great. We rarely fought, and when we did we were able to resolve it in a healthy manner. We had an amazing time with each other and I really thought highly of him, and I felt comfortable and secure in the relationship. Around month six, I had a pregnancy scare. This resulted in a huge fight between us because we disagreed on what to do in the situation. The fight lasted several days, and ended with me breaking it off with him because I thought that if I was pregnant, he would abandon me and the child never to be seen again. Around a week after that, we talked it over and got back together under the condition that we don't have sex until we can come to an agreement on what to do in case that happens again. This was around a month ago. Things were OK at first, but they've never been the same. We argue almost constantly now, and a lot of the things he says and does upset me. The pregnancy scare really shook my faith in the relationship, as well as in his feelings for me. I didn't realize the scare did so much damage until a friend of mine pointed out that beforehand, all of my reports on him are positive, but now they're entirely negative. I told him tonight that I realized that the scare was most likely the underlying cause of these issues. We plan to talk over it later. I'm not confident it'll go well because our talks lately have ended in arguing. If anyone has advice on how to talk it out calmly with him without it turning into an argument, that would be great. I really need help on getting past this. I don't know what to do or where to begin. I'm worried that since this happened so early in the relationship, we won't be able to work past it. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save the relationship, and I'm open to any advice. Thanks in advance. I apologize if this is too lengthy.
colosseum Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm not confident it'll go well because our talks lately have ended in arguing. If anyone has advice on how to talk it out calmly with him without it turning into an argument, that would be great. I really need help on getting past this. I don't know what to do or where to begin. I'm worried that since this happened so early in the relationship, we won't be able to work past it. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save the relationship, and I'm open to any advice. I'm not too experienced myself so I'm not willing to give you stupid advice, but in terms of the discourse I would say that what you have said above would be a good start: that 1) you really don't want to argue, and hope this doesn't turn into another argument (right?) 2) you want to speak to him calmly 3) you don't know where to begin or what to do 4) that though this happened early, you're willing to do whatever it takes to save this relationship. Tell him exactly how you feel; honest communication and setting the terms for this dialogue before you being might be a good start. Best of luck to you.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 IMO, bad idea to shelve the sexual intimacy. Unless you two have a real strong emotional bond, IMO, you're done. Sorry
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I honestly think the only thing that would help you is professional intervention - counseling. Because it's pretty serious to say that you felt the man you're dating would up and abandon you if you were with child. It doesn't speak highly of his character and you may be resenting him for a hypothetical situation that never ended up happening. That may be why there are more fights now and why your reports of him are now negative. I wish more people would have the talk about what they would do with a baby if they ended up having one. Because really, the only way to keep from having one is abstinence. It is the ONLY fool-proof way to keep from having one. Once you start having sex with somebody (no matter what birth control method you're using), you should talk about the possible consequences. I couldn't imagine being in relationship with a man that I felt would abandon me over a baby.
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