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Those Three Little Words


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Posted

There comes a time in every serious relationship when someone says it.

 

It can either be one of the happiest experiences :love: if the feeling is mutual. Or one of the most devastating experiences :( if they cant say they feel the same way.

 

How along were you before you said it? How did you do it? Was it a grand gesture type ordeal? Did it sort of just happen? Were you the first to take the dive or did they?

Posted

We had a fabulous 3 months together- and I thought the feeling was totally mutual. One night, we'd had an awesome, intimate, 3 days together...had a bit too much to drink, and as we were drifting off to sleep I whispered it.

 

Big mistake (in my case)... he distanced himself after that, and things just went downhill to the point where he admitted he couldn't commit.

 

I never usually say it first. BUT, I don't think it would have mattered- he would eventually withdrawn anyway. he wasn't the guy for me. So it's positive that I found out and it gave me the oppotunity to bail. Now I am available to find someone more compatible.

 

It's all how you look at it I guess.

 

I will stick to my rule next time and wait for the guy to say it first. Even if it feels right- or it takes 6 months. I'm waiting.:)

Posted

This most recent one was a little unorthodox for me as far as how the relationship started. But I won't get into all the details of everything. Just as far as the "L" word.

 

Met online at the very beginning of Nov, talked on the phone and online. Met at the very first of Dec. Talked on the phone a ton. Had our second date in mid-Jan, got "serious." The following week I went to spend my two days off with him. We were dancing around the word. He and I both agreed that we had a hard time not saying it at the end of a phone conversation. I made the statement, "Well, if we both feel it, why does it matter when you say it?" It was more of a pondering question, but he took it quite literally and said, "It doesn't." Gave me a big kiss, said, "I love you." I said it back. :love:

Posted
We had a fabulous 3 months together- and I thought the feeling was totally mutual. One night, we'd had an awesome, intimate, 3 days together...had a bit too much to drink, and as we were drifting off to sleep I whispered it.

 

Big mistake (in my case)... he distanced himself after that, and things just went downhill to the point where he admitted he couldn't commit.

 

I never usually say it first. BUT, I don't think it would have mattered- he would eventually withdrawn anyway. he wasn't the guy for me. So it's positive that I found out and it gave me the oppotunity to bail. Now I am available to find someone more compatible.

 

It's all how you look at it I guess.

 

I will stick to my rule next time and wait for the guy to say it first. Even if it feels right- or it takes 6 months. I'm waiting.:)

 

I don't think you made a mistake at all. He said he couldn't commit so he was never going to say that horrible word. :sick:

 

I still don't like rules of any kind when it comes to dating, they only limit us. You could be waiting forever.:confused:

Posted

I agree with D-Lish. I've never said it first.

 

My fiancé said those three words about a month after our first date. We'd just finished a lovely dinner and were holding hands, walking slowly back to the car. He hedged around the "I think I might be falling in love", then stopped walking, pulled me towards him and said "I know I'm in love". Needless to say, I swooned and around two weeks later, he proposed. :love:

Posted

I've never said it first.

 

The strangest one though was an ex. She came to my place before work, gave me a bj and promptly broke up with me. As I was digesting what she had just said she says those three words. I was thoroughly mind fcvked. Funny thing is that the night before I told a mutual friend that I was falling for her but didn't know how she felt. Had to fight to get her to talk to me later in the day to tell her how I felt.

 

Yeah that day started out devastated and ended happy. Too bad it didn't last.

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Posted

SoulSearch, That story is ADORABLE. It made me smile. I think thats the way it should go, naturally, without all the muss n fuss. Sounds perfect to me!

 

TrialByFire's expirience sounds like something from a movie! Or like Sex and the City or something! I would have melted into a puddle on the floor if a man ever did that! SO romantic!

 

Hip: Sounds like your girl was a little bonkers. Hahaha. Youre better off without that one in my opinion! I mean, who goes from felatio to breaking up to dropping the L bomb!? Hahahaha.

 

Knave, Now. Call me crazy.... But Im sensing a little bit of anomosity on your part.... Just something Im picking up. I could be wrong ;)

 

DLish: I feel your pain. Ive been the one to say it first in the past. And it hurt me beyond belief that he couldnt say it back... We broke up shortly after that. But regardless of my baggage, :laugh: Ill never regret doing or saying something that was truthful for me at the time.

 

I promised after that that I would never say it first.... EVER.

 

Until last night.

 

I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and he told me he had to leave for dinner so I was like "Ok, I love yo........OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT! " And I hung up!

 

As I was bringing the phone down I could hear him going "WHOOOOOAAAA!" and kind of laughing at the same time...

 

Hahaha! It kind of just slipped, but the thing is that I DO love him, Ive just been waiting for him to say it.

 

Any way after that he just said "That was the greatest reaction Ive ever heard you didnt even finish before you started saying Oh my god!"

 

Then he just said "God. Youre awesome. And I love you too" :love:

Posted

Probably depends on the people. ME? I am an EZ sucker. Someone opens their heart to me, after a month or two I want them to snuggle beside me, make babies, live in some alternative happy happy joy joy universe.

 

Sort of calls into play "what is love?" 500 word essays, folks, will be graded!

 

Past like, some people just slam into my heart very hard. If they'll take it right, I might say "I love you." If I were to admit the whole thing, it would be something like: "You will notice, if you haven't already, that I love you. Maybe it's a shock. Don't worry about it. There's probably nothing to be done for it. You'll probably always have a piece of my heart. I don't want to own you, I don't want big pieces of your life. I just can't help it. I don't even have to get into your pants. It's just something that happens. I'm a sucker for you. I'm better for it. Thanks!"

Posted
How along were you before you said it? How did you do it? Was it a grand gesture type ordeal? Did it sort of just happen? Were you the first to take the dive or did they?

My current man; he said it on 4th date, which was in the same week we met face-to-face for the first time :laugh:

 

The one before; couldn't say it, and even after 7 months of dating he never said a word, and even after I gave up waiting and decided to go first, he still didn't.:(

Posted

Not definitive, but, IME, and I have a lot of older friends whom I've known for a long time, the older you get the easier it is to say it, mainly because you're saying it to a lot of people whom you love, so it's more accurately reflective of how you feel rather than some arbitrary milestone. The key IMO is for commensurate actions to precede and follow the words, or they become meaningless.

Posted
TrialByFire's expirience sounds like something from a movie! Or like Sex and the City or something! I would have melted into a puddle on the floor if a man ever did that! SO romantic!
:lmao: Too funny!

 

He's so romantic, where I'm normally so pragmatic. He brings out the romantic side in me, which I think is good or at bare minimum, really fun! :love:

Posted

Well I said it first after a few months one time and I regret that I did. Other times,I have waited or he has been the one to say it diffrent with each R. But, I agree it really sucks when one say's it and the other does not say it back because they don't feel the same way... that's a big ouch.

 

Mea:)

Posted

I only said it first once - with my ex. That didn't turn out so well.

 

With my current BF, I know he loves me. He hasn't said the words yet, but he's gotten pretty close. He's recently said, "Do you feel loved? You should," and after I've said "Ooooh, I heart [insert something innocuous, like...spinach dip]," he'll respond by saying, "And I heart you."

 

I feel like saying, "Just say it already!" :lmao:

Posted

Do you mean "Please f*** me"? :D

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Posted
"Do you feel loved? You should," and after I've said "Ooooh, I heart [insert something innocuous, like...spinach dip]," he'll respond by saying, "And I heart you." I feel like saying, "Just say it already!" :lmao:

 

 

HAHAHAHA! Then theres situations like yours! Ive absolutely done that SAME song and dance, and its funny. I mean, if you both feel it, then why the big fuss about saying it?! It seems to me like its only a matter of time before one of you takes the plunge! <3

 

Ive heard that the older you get the easier it is to express yourself. Im 24 years young, and I make a point of telling the people I love that I love them everyday. Ive lost a lot of people in my life, and Ive realized just how important this is to do. But when it comes to romantic love, Ive always kept my guard up.

 

Me and my BF just said it last night, and we've been together since October, so about 6 months. I feel like that is just about the best time because the 6 month marker seems to be like a.... "OK, are we REALLY going do this? Or are we just having a good time together!?"

 

Shy Girl: The 4th date?! Yowza! I think I might have been running for the hills! :D

Posted

after about 2 months, I told him in a letter that I was falling in love but he never said anything about it so I left it alone and figured that he would tell me when he was ready. About 2 months after that, we were lying down and he whispered into my ear "I love you" and it was the best feeling in the world. I have been told I love you in the past but this felt different and still does.

Posted

I have been dating my SO for about 5 months now....we are 1.5 hours away from each other but we see each other almost every weekend if not for sure every other weekend. I told him that I loved him around the end of month 3. I have not heard anything from him. He is always telling me how much he "Likes" me and I know that he does...but where is the "LOVE" ???? It is starting to bother me now. He is 31 yo and I am 27. We are not kids. We care a lot about each other....he has talked about possibly moving to where I am in a year. The only thing that could possibly be the reason is that he is highly focused right now on a very big exam....and that has taken up all his time. Other than that...I don't know why he can't say those three words. What should I do????

Posted

With my ex - I honestly don't remember who and when. Probably 2-4 months in. With my current gf (ex? :laugh:), after 5 months I don't feel even close, and I don't think she is either. Probably in another 3-5 months. At this point I don't even consider a relationship that has not lasted 6 mos to be a serious relaitonship yet, so I don't feel "behind" or pressured. But then again, actions speak louder than words. Hypothetically, i could (not that I would) see myself spending my whole life with someone I care about without saying "I love you" once :).

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Posted
I have been dating my SO for about 5 months now....we are 1.5 hours away from each other but we see each other almost every weekend if not for sure every other weekend. I told him that I loved him around the end of month 3. I have not heard anything from him. He is always telling me how much he "Likes" me and I know that he does...but where is the "LOVE" ???? It is starting to bother me now. He is 31 yo and I am 27. We are not kids. We care a lot about each other....he has talked about possibly moving to where I am in a year. The only thing that could possibly be the reason is that he is highly focused right now on a very big exam....and that has taken up all his time. Other than that...I don't know why he can't say those three words. What should I do????

 

My situation is eerily similar to yours girl! My bf lives about an hour and a half away and we too only see each other on weekends!

 

Long distance is really tough, I feel like sometimes it takes more time for these strong feelings to really develop, not to mention be acknowledged, when youre in a long distance relationship.

 

That being said, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it... Well, what I really mean to say is that there is nothing you SHOULD do about it. I know thats not what you want to hear (er, read?) But, He knows how you feel. And when the time is right for him, he'll say it. You cant rush someone into something like this. After all, wouldnt you want those words to come from within him and be genuine than for him to say it out of feelings of pressure, or worse, pity?

 

Im sure the time will come. Some people take a lot longer to bring their wall down. I mean telling someone that youre in love with them, in my opinion, is one of the MOST vulnerable moves one can make in a relationship. Some people are just too scared, jaded, or just plain not ready.

 

It took us 6 months to say it, if it makes you feel any better ;)

Posted

Katherine, I wanted to thank you for this thread. It's made me realize what works on me and what doesn't. I was thinking about the romance component and applying that to my past and current relationships. Each relationship had a number of commonalities of which one key ingredient is that in order to break down my pragmatism, to get to my softer side, the men have literally bowled me over with romance, keeping me off-balance.

 

While I've always known that I tend to gravitate towards romantic men, I never realized quite how much it affects me, since the rest of my requirements list is so long.

Posted

I have had women say this to me after only a couple of dates and it made me question what their meaning of love is. I would never say it to someone unless I meant it but I think people misuse it and it cheapens the expression.

Posted

I'll go out on a limb and admit I've never said it to anyone and I've dated quite a bit. I really don't feel like I even know what romantic "love" is or feels like. With that said, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because of the fact that you can't miss what you've never had. The longest I've ever dated someone was 3 months so that may be part of it since I couldn't fathom developing those feelings before 6 months (just my philosophy). But from the looks of this thread it's OK to say "I love you" after the 4th date :laugh:.

Posted

I was in the relationship for about a month and a half when i told her. But love is a hard thing when the relationship ends it sucks. So be careful with what you do and say.:D

Posted
I was in the relationship for about a month and a half when i told her. But love is a hard thing when the relationship ends it sucks. So be careful with what you do and say.:D

That's one thing I've never regretted saying, although I've always waited for the man to say it first. Why be embarrased or ashamed about being able to express what you feel? I see it as a positive, not a negative, that I can feel and express. :)

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