AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I started archiving my ex's pictures files away. After almost 6 years, there are maybe thousands. There is no reason for them to be in my computer. Storing them to DVD and then putting them in the box of stuff I was going to put in the attic. The hard copies(actual photos) I put away in the first week. I was looking at them and it was really weird. I didn't feel much. Like no feelings at all. No sadness. No anger. No resentment. The only thing I thought was "She was pretty cute" or "Wonder where that hat went to?" or things that really were similar to looking at a stranger's pics. Maybe something is wrong with me. Or my feelings are numbed or deadened. I think I am supposed to be sad or angry or whatever. But I am not I remember my first ltr Ex. I was angry at her after the break and ripped up every single one of the pictures except one. (There was no such thing as digital cameras back then). She was a really nice looking woman and I kicked myself in the butt for doing that. What are you guys doing with your pictures? More importantly, How does it make you feel? Or can you look at them at all? And if so, how long after your breakup could you look at the pics without feeling?
Author AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Its been about 6 weeks of NC so far.
chrissreef Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 What are you guys doing with your pictures? More importantly, How does it make you feel? Or can you look at them at all? And if so, how long after your breakup could you look at the pics without feeling? I'm at nearly 3 months from when I first got the news of my 2.5 yr fiancee. I've tried to keep myself soooo busy that to be honest, i haven't even cleaned the house or had time to archive pictures. It took me about 3-4 weeks to take the ones hanging down and put them in one of her sock drawers. the ones on the computer i'll probably put on DVD and keep them in a folder far away from the "my documents" folder. when i look at the pictures i get happy (oddly enough!) because they were amazing moments of my life! i'm also still in denial and sometimes think she might come back or think to myself "how could you do this or be so dumb" - but i never feel angry. maybe i'm messed up... but i don't know how to get angry at someone i love for doing what they think is right. the ex before her i felt the same and did pretty much the same. probably 1-2 yrs after i could really look at them without any emotion, happy nor sad for the most part. it's more like "oh yea, we went there, or did that" much like i would looking at a friend's picture. as for the naked pics of either - i'll do the same and sadly probably look at them more often for about 2 yrs. maybe because i was emotionally attached to some extant which makes it better than porn. when i find a new gf, they'll be moved to dvd and i'll never look at them again. Does any of that help? i'm 28m and had a 4 yr relationship and this recent 2.5 yr with a 3 month one somewhere in there =)
D-Lish Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm an extremist. I delete and rip up pics as soon as the break up happens. Out of sight, out of mind. I recently found my wedding album, flipped through it a bit, then pitched it. I missed it the first time around or it would have been in the fireplace 6 years ago.
era Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm an extremist. I delete and rip up pics as soon as the break up happens. Me too...and without regret I might add.
D-Lish Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Me too...and without regret I might add. Me too- never a regret. I'm ruthless.
murphomatic Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Had one ex that after she moved out, came back to my house when I wasn't home, rifled through my stuff, and took all the pics of herself... I guess she was doing me a favor .. ?
Author AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 So it seems like anger is what yall feel most. I wonder why I don't feel much though. If I listen to a song, that makes me think of her more than looking at her picture. Really strange. I must be subconsciously blocking something out.
Author AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 when i look at the pictures i get happy (oddly enough!) I am glad for you that it brings you that sentiment. I wish I could feel that but I can't. I don't feel down either though. Just here doing lots of things that I wonder if they mean much. Because I know I am just doing anything I can to keep ANY feelings about her from my mind. Thats why its very strange when I am looking at her/our pics.
hopesndreams Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 My soon to be exH recently sent me a friend request for his facebook. I couldn't believe it to be honest because he said he had never used facebook! He had over 300 friends and over the last 2 years detailed what he was doing, where he was going and the like. There were also countless pictures of him that I had never seen before! There was only 1 picture of me in all those hundreds so I sent him a message saying to get rid of it and then deleted him as a friend. I could have sat at the computer for hours pouring over his life over the last 2 years and checking out all the women on his facebook...but I am proud to say I did not. It felt as though he was a stranger and the fact that my existence wasn't even acknowledged in any of it made me realize what an a** he truly is. I've been deleting the pics on my computer that are of him. Do I feel anger? Not really...just an incredible sadness and the feeling of being duped and robbed of my future with him. I've also been putting a few of his personal items in his bedside table, can't bear to look at them. I do believe that part of breaking free from him is to part with things that will remind me of him. I haven't went through the photo albums as of yet but when I do all his pictures of him will also be put in his bedside table and there won't be any of me for him to take with him. Also, I came across all the old love letters and cards he had given me through the years. Guess where they went? Yep, back to him, put them all in his bedside table. There won't be any regrets in doing that, it will spare me the future pain of going through them years later. You have to clean house. It's therapeutic.
Ingenue Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I ripped mine up and I threw away many of the gifts I received. It's in the past. If I need to remember my ex, I can conjure him up in my mind. That's good enough.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I didn't bother archiving them - I've just outright deleted them. I know what the guy looks like - the only reason I HAD the pictures in the first place was for sentimental reasons. Sentimentality gone - pictures go bye-bye.
Frankasy Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I keep pics of my ex-s. I keep them more as a sign of victory, as a trophy to tell people that I had been in a relationship with a specific woman. Pictures are harmless, they don't break NC and as long as you are in NC, feelings or emotions won't reappear.
Excellent Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I kept pictures and stuff like that for 2 months after the break before i deleted everything. Pictures of me and her, pictures of her, her phonenumber, msn contact, facebook etc...everywhere i could possibly delete her from.
runner Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 i'll keep maybe one simple photo of them. just a simple little photo of their face and nothing to remind me of anything else about the relationship. definitely not some photo i will stare at for hours; that photo will be lost among the hundreds i have in my collection. it is interesting going back to them whilst in different parts of your life though, and suddenly finding them unattractive ... and then back to being attractive looking again. of course i'm talking about ex's from years ago. wow i just made myself sound mental here
SummerSun Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm an extremist. I delete and rip up pics as soon as the break up happens. Out of sight, out of mind. I recently found my wedding album, flipped through it a bit, then pitched it. I missed it the first time around or it would have been in the fireplace 6 years ago. You are hard core I have shredded photos of me and my ex's together, the random photos but I've kept holiday photos because I still want to remember the holiday regardless of how I went with. I have a little 'wedding' box that includes my wedding photos that is sitting in my loft. I have no idea really why I keep it, it doesn't make me 'feel' anything, I'm not holding onto it for any particular reason, I just think that maybe in 50 years time (if I get that old) I'd like to look back at it and I won't be able to if I have binned it. I know a mate of mine has kept her wedding photos because she thinks her sons will want to see them when they are older to remember their dad - if she had her way she would have binned them!!!
Author AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 I post them to various internet sites. Wow! If I had pics like that I dont think I could do that.
Author AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 I keep pics of my ex-s. I keep them more as a sign of victory, as a trophy to tell people that I had been in a relationship with a specific woman. Lol!!!!!!!!
Frankasy Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Lol!!!!!!!! Consider it like Hemingway's "The Old Man and the sea".
huck Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 everything - i mean everything cleared out of the house to remind me of her. deleted her as a friend on facebook - including all her mates - would be difficult if one of her mates posted some pics on FB which included her. Have also deleted every email and text on my mobile All the stuff is in a black bag in the spare room.. will dump it all once i find a new girlfriend as well i think. Its been 3 weeks now - and I refuse to look at any of the stuff in the bag - so its all going good !!
7117 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Thats great that you dont have any feelings when you look at the pics.I see no reason at all to keep pics of ex's let alone some of there things.I dated a girl once that had pics and clothes of her ex im like ok you cant be over this guy turned out not even close.
Author AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Thats great that you dont have any feelings when you look at the pics.I see no reason at all to keep pics of ex's let alone some of there things. Oh there are feelings still there. Lingering. I donated most of the stuff she gave or bought me. I did keep some things, for a time when I knew her the way I did. But I am also not kidding myself and don't really know what she has become. I am accepting of that. I don't know what she has done with the things I gave her. And I accept that that doesn't matter. I had not really thought of the pics because I have been really working on myself. I think had I looked at them shortly after the break, I might have been hitting the delete key till it fell of the keyboard. But I think after anger and resentment subsided, I have been feeling more and more indifference. So it doesn't matter much in the big picture. I think I choose to keep them because there were good times in them. Between 2 people that are not the same anymore. And never will be the same.
BCCA Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Every pic of my ex immediately found its way to the dumpster the moment we broke up. Same with cards, letters, and anything else that reminded me of her. As far as Im concerned, it was all garbage at that point.
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