Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm too lazy to find offsetting information The Collector but as you can see even within the information you've provided, 2/3rds (66.67%) is a far cry from the spouted 80%. Also, you can't accept part of the information and refute the balance by replacement through personal experiences or anecdoetal information. Men also have to take responsibility for their actions....y'know. Btw, I'm one of the 66.67%, who divorced her husband for cheating. Does that mean I should say that 100% of women who initiate divorce, is due to the spouse not keeping it in his pants?
The Collector Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm too lazy to find offsetting information The Collector but as you can see even within the information you've provided, 2/3rds (66.67%) is a far cry from the spouted 80%. Also, you can't accept part of the information and refute the balance by replacement through personal experiences or anecdoetal information. Men also have to take responsibility for their actions....y'know. Btw, I'm one of the 66.67%, who divorced her husband for cheating. Does that mean I should say that 100% of women who initiate divorce, is due to the spouse not keeping it in his pants? I note the difference between 66% and 80%. Still. I can accept part of the information that is based on statistics and put forward my own analysis of why that is. The author himself admits he is guessing as to the reasons. Like I said, I believe women cheat as much as men. I believe there are statistic to prove this, but like you am too lazy to find them right now. I don't understand what you are trying to say in your btw.
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Feminist bullsh*t. 80% of divorces are initiated by women. . I've seen similar figures before, and I think people underestimate the impact this data has... Why put any effort in building a relationship (and a marriage) with a woman given that the odds are so overwhelmingly against you? 10 years later she will get bored and will walk away knowing that she has a financial safety net. I think men have gone on marriage strike , and rightly so Here's a summary of the dynamics http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/family/11329451.html
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I note the difference between 66% and 80%. Still. I can accept part of the information that is based on statistics and put forward my own analysis of why that is. The author himself admits he is guessing as to the reasons. Like I said, I believe women cheat as much as men. I believe there are statistic to prove this, but like you am too lazy to find them right now. I don't understand what you are trying to say in your btw. My btw, is all in the way you spin the statistics. Even the author of the information is spinning, in his own way. As you are, in your own way. You can focus on the negativity, in which ever way your bias leans. Overall, I don't believe that all men cheat or even that most men cheat, and especially that 80% men cheat. It's stupid to make broad strokes assumptions like that, just like it's stupid to make the assumption that 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Take each individual as an individual. If you've done your own litmus test and found them to either be wanting or not, act according to this, not stupid broad strokes assumptions.
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm too lazy to find offsetting information The Collector but as you can see even within the information you've provided, 2/3rds (66.67%) is a far cry from the spouted 80%. Also, you can't accept part of the information and refute the balance by replacement through personal experiences or anecdoetal information. Men also have to take responsibility for their actions....y'know. Btw, I'm one of the 66.67%, who divorced her husband for cheating. Does that mean I should say that 100% of women who initiate divorce, is due to the spouse not keeping it in his pants? Well, the meaning of the aggregate statistics by definition is that "all else equal", your gender makes you more likely to initiate divorce. Particularly relevant criticism to extend given that the infidelity rates are equal between men and women. So... anecdotal stories are irrelevant. Women have mor casual attitude towards, marriage, period (the data shows it )
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I note the difference between 66% and 80%. Still. I can accept part of the information that is based on statistics and put forward my own analysis of why that is. The author himself admits he is guessing as to the reasons. Like I said, I believe women cheat as much as men. I believe there are statistic to prove this, but like you am too lazy to find them right now. I don't understand what you are trying to say in your btw. 66% is the lowest estimate. Some studies have reported 75% (e.t. in canada). So, clear trend, no mattar how we sugar coat it...
clv0116 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 .... I think it's worth pointing out which sex is often doing the least effort to keep relationships together. I've always found it ironic that women push for marriage and then are at least 2x as likely to instigate a divorce.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 So...all you bitter and cynical people, how's it working for you so far? Found yourself anyone who makes you really happy, who brings love, trust, respect and joy into your lives?
clv0116 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Ya, all good here. Someone noted in a recent thread that the decline of old fashioned morals and marriage might make some men get more and some less than in a strictly regulated society. Maybe that's what I'm experiencing, who knows. There seem to be plenty of available women out there, that's all I know.
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 So...all you bitter and cynical people, how's it working for you so far? Found yourself anyone who makes you really happy, who brings love, trust, respect and joy into your lives? Judging from the OP - not so great .
Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 So...all you bitter and cynical people, how's it working for you so far? Found yourself anyone who makes you really happy, who brings love, trust, respect and joy into your lives? Maybe not but many of these men are perfectly happy without a wife and since she will probably divorce them anyway at least they get to keep all their assets. The biggest difference between a confirmed bacholer and a married man is that the bacholer gets to keep his stuff when both of them end up alone.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Judging from the OP - not so great .How about you? Found anyone who you can trust yet? Are you in love yet, within a happy, functional relationship with mutual trust and respect?
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Maybe not but many of these men are perfectly happy without a wife and since she will probably divorce them anyway at least they get to keep all their assets. The biggest difference between a confirmed bacholer and a married man is that the bacholer gets to keep his stuff when both of them end up alone. Something for you to look forward to, right? All it takes is a prenup, Gentlemen... Or is that not the real issue? Or are the real issues that you have no faith in yourselves, thus are unable to have faith in anyone else, perhaps?
Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Something for you to look forward to, right? All it takes is a prenup, Gentlemen... Or is that not the real issue? Or are the real issues that you have no faith in yourselves, thus are unable to have faith in anyone else, perhaps? A single man with all his assets in retirement can have a ball. My father is loving life right now.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 A single man with all his assets in retirement can have a ball. My father is loving life right now. You can continue avoiding the issues or you can respond with some reality. You're married and your wife has no idea what you're really like underneath what you display to her. Is this why you doubt that women can be honest and real?
Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I have faith in myself but I don't have faith in women. I have more faith in my wife than I do in any other woman but even that I am prepared if she does turn on me.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I have faith in myself but I don't have faith in women. I have more faith in my wife than I do in any other woman but even that I am prepared if she does turn on me. If you have faith in yourself, why do you hide so much of yourself from your wife?
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 How about you? Found anyone who you can trust yet? Are you in love yet, within a happy, functional relationship with mutual trust and respect? Yeah, for as long as we're steering of the commitment/marriage conversation (at least for now), I'm actually pretty happy. The source of my anxiety has nothing to do with the actual content of the relationship - the girl is great. Whether I'd entrust my future life to her - that's a completely different story, and not directly relevant to having a happy relationship right now.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Yeah, for as long as we're steering of the commitment/marriage conversation (at least for now), I'm actually pretty happy. The source of my anxiety has nothing to do with the actual content of the relationship - the girl is great. Whether I'd entrust my future life to her - that's a completely different story, and not directly relevant to having a happy relationship right now.It's been 5 months and yet, you're still not even close to being in love. Why is that?
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Anyways, before some of you guys wade in and bludgeon JS for her beliefs, review your own glass houses.
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 It's been 5 months and yet, you're still not even close to being in love. Why is that? Well, I ask myself this too, but a timeline of what i *should* be feeling is not helping... After all, I had a pretty bad breakup happened just 9 months ago. So, even if things are going well I wouldn't be able to tell for some time . For what it's worth, I can't really think of a different type of woman that I'd rather be with. But being in love is above all a choice, and there are plenty of logistical obstacles (such as her being a student, traditional in ways that I do not yet understand, etc.). So, I probably I won't be in love until I'm convinced that we are compatible on more levels other than enjoying each other's company. Hence, the poisonous effect of marriage anxiety on perfectly pleasant relationships...
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Well, I ask myself this too, but a timeline of what i *should* be feeling is not helping... After all, I had a pretty bad breakup happened just 9 months ago. So, even if things are going well I wouldn't be able to tell for some time . For what it's worth, I can't really think of a different type of woman that I'd rather be with. But being in love is above all a choice, and there are plenty of logistical obstacles (such as her being a student, traditional in ways that I do not yet understand, etc.). So, I probably I won't be in love until I'm convinced that we are compatible on more levels other than enjoying each other's company. Hence, the poisonous effect of marriage anxiety on perfectly pleasant relationships...You got it! In holding onto those anxieties, it only self-prophesizes doom, gloom and eventually will kill any possibilities of a functional future, in a relationship. In essence, you're only hurting yourself.
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 All it takes is a prenup, Gentlemen... Yeah, but I still dread it since it will almost inevitably generate sour feelings. If/When this happens you;ll probably have to break up anyway since this would already indicate that's she's not foreign to the idea of divorce as a safety net. Or could become self-fulfiling prophecy. So, it's an improvement, but not a clean remedy. (All other points on not trusting yourself, and blah-blah-blah, sound lofty, but don't mean much against the data. I can trust myself all I want, but this doesn't make me any more special than all the other people who trusted themselves and had their lives messed up because their wivse felt 'bored')
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Hey, novel idea (for men). Want to be married. Want to be emotionally and sexually intimate. Want to explore the deepest darkest recesses of their psyches. Screw the pre-nup. We're going all the way. Want to see women run? Always worked for me
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Yeah, but I still dread it since it will almost inevitably generate sour feelings. If/When this happens you;ll probably have to break up anyway since this would already indicate that's she's not foreign to the idea of divorce as a safety net. Or could become self-fulfiling prophecy. So, it's an improvement, but not a clean remedy. (All other points on not trusting yourself, and blah-blah-blah, sound lofty, but don't mean much against the data. I can trust myself all I want, but this doesn't make me any more special than all the other people who trusted themselves and had their lives messed up because their wivse felt 'bored') But Sam, are you so fragile you can't take another hit? I was once like that, where I had no reserves to take another hit, so I had to rebuild my reserves inside. Who are you Sam? Forget the bitterness and cynicism. Who are you? Find that solid core inside of you, something you can anchor to. If changes need to be made, make them. You're still the same person you were, previous to the bad breakup. You've still got the same positive qualities aka assets, you've always had inside of you. Never, ever let anyone have this much control over who you are, someone who yes, you might have loved dearly, but for whatever reason, walked away. Once they've walked away, they've given up all rights to affecting you. You're still Sam. No one can take that away from you, no matter what. It doesn't mean you have to guard your heart against everything and everyone. It means that no matter what, you're still Sam.
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