insecurelove Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 My boyfriend is 9 years my senior. He's 30 this year and is an assistant manager in a trading company. He's always busy and he works 7 days a week without fail. He is also studying part-time. We've only gotten together recently so this relationship is still rather shaky. And his workaholism is not helping. Before we got together, he has already told me that he is a workaholic. I said I understand that and know how to give my man his space. At first, I appreciated his workaholism as all my ex-boyfriends were the clingy type whom I found irritating. But his workaholism gets worse, and I get extremely frustrated. Due to his busy schedule, I try to be an understanding girlfriend by not imposing one of those call-me-every-day rules. He doesn't call me and I'm the one who calls him, usually several times a week. He frequently forgets his phone too. He only texts, and his texts are really rare. To avoid distraction when he's studying at night, he doesn't go online either. On average, I see him less than once a week. Another problem is distance. We don't live in the same town. He lives in another town 1.5 hours away. Due to financial problem, I can't see him every day. And what got me really angry was last friday when he was on a well-deserved day off. He was spending quality time with me when his manager called. And he left for work immediately. I tried talking to him about it, but he tells me things like he will be less busy soon, and he'll come over whenever he has a day off. I'm so frustrated and stressed. And I know I definitely have not been demanding. Can a relationship like this ever work?
sykevon Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 you have to talk to him about this... and suggest ideas for you to spend "quality" time together... be it you set 1 day a week aside to talk on the phone or chat via messenger with webcam/mic... for even just 30 minutes.. if you don't let him kno how you feel, you will just take your anger/frustration out on your relationship...and will continue making yourself feel sad also..try to keep busy ... with your friends, school, pick up hobbies...it's easier said then done...but who knows...maybe when your boyfriend realizes you haven't been as available as you usually have been, it may change things...if not..then you have to sit down and think if this relationship is really for you...
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 He's been honest with you from the start. You have to ask yourself, are you prepared to have a relationship where you will not see your bf much, and where you'll only get intermittent contact from him? Are you prepared to come #2 to his work at all times? If so, then go for it. But if you aren't happy with this (and from your post it seems like it's making you unhappy), then I would break up with him immediately. Just explain your reasons. If you find it hard to decide to dump him, just picture yourself in 10 years - married, with 2 kids, and a husband who is still working 7 day weeks and never calls you. Is that really the future you want for yourself?
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 you have to talk to him about this... and suggest ideas for you to spend "quality" time together... be it you set 1 day a week aside to talk on the phone or chat via messenger with webcam/mic... for even just 30 minutes.. Bad idea. It will not alter the fundamental problem, which is he focuses entirely on work and not at all on her. Your suggestion will just paper over the cracks without causing any genuine change. This is an early relationship, not a 20 year marriage - best to just quit and find someone better suited, rather than waste weeks or even months on a lost cause.
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