fheed Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Hi there... I am so confused right now! I'v read quite a few things on here which has helped so thought id share my story and hopefully you can give me your opinions/advice. So..my boyfriend just split up with me last week . We were together for just over a year. The first 8 months we lived in the same place and the last 7 months we have been long distance, i live in the UK and he lives in Germany. Our relationship was amazing before, we saw each other all the time, and became like best friends and were madly in love - we found something really special together. He moved back to germany to finish uni but we still managed to see each other for a few days/week every month. Things were more difficult obviously but we still loved each other so much. we would talk everyday and see each other on webcams and couldnt wait to see each other. Things got more difficult though and sex became less and less frequent. I wasnt as close to him sexually as i used to be just because the long distance for me took some of the passion away. I didn't realise how big of a deal it was to him until very recently or i would have taken steps to sort out the problem. Anyway, he split up with me last week saying that he just couldnt handle the long distance anymore because he felt i was distant from him and it hurt too much. I was devastated and we both cried like mad. Since then we have pretty much talked everyday, both initiating contact and im just not sure what to do. I don't know if its really over and i should try to cut him out and move on, or if theres still a chance we could work things out?? On the phone he's said he misses me, and that we did have something special. When i asked him if he thought we could try again he just said he's not sure, he's not sure it could work long distance (it would be just over a year before we could live in the same place again). Yet he says things like he can't imagine his life without me, and that he thinks about me alot and hes been jealous about guy friends iv met this week. he's moving into a new apartment and has even asked the landlord if he can have people to stay coz he has a girlfriend in the UK. Why would he tell his new landlord that if he didn't think we might get back together!!??? It hurts me sooo much that we've broken up, i really imagined my future with him! But i don't know if i'm just being stupid hanging on, or if there is a chance we could get back together. What should i do ?? Sorry this was so long, but any advice would be so much appreciated!! Thanks!!
Gemma-x Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Long distance releationships are very hard. I thought mine was bad when my boyfriend lived quite far away (yet mine was still in the same country!!!) him telling his landlord he has a girlfriend who lives in the UK suggests hes also holding on to the dream of you two getting back together but what i don't understand is if he feels this strong for you then why end it? he says the distance is too great for him to handle, but if this is the case why is he hurting u like this by telling u he loves and misses you? I think you should tell him that you are either together or not-if your not then don't talk to him for a few weeks jsut to get your head together. I know its harder than i make it sound but i think it would be the only way. Who knows after a few weeks he may realise he would rather be with u long distance than not be with you atall. Hope this helps!
Author fheed Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Thanks for your advice Gemma!! I phoned him yesterday basically to ask how he feels about the whole thing and whether we would work things out. He said he's just not sure if it can work. I asked him why he said he still has a girl in the UK to his landlord etc and he said that he still wants me and would kinda like to get back together but that hes scared it wouldnt work again and that he'l get hurt again (he got hurt because he felt like i was rejecting him). He said he just doesn't know if he can do the long distance again for so long. He said he wishes we could live in the same place, that other than LD he would wanna be with me and that im great. He apologised for not being able to give me a definite answer and just ended that he really doesnt know right now. We were both quite upset on the phone. Its so hard coz i feel like he's trying not to hurt me and tryin to be honest. Nothing he does makes me think hes a bad guy. I want him soooo much . Anyway, for now i think im gonna try the no contact thing. Theres no point me phoning him all the time, because altho its great to talk to him, we always end up back at the same point of talkin about the relationship. And thats not gonna get me anywhere! I think for him to decide he needs some time on his own. I dunno if i can do it, iv never not spoken to him for more than like a day in over a year!! but im gonna try hard. I feel physically sick and so down, but i suppose that can't last forever. I just hope he realises that we should try again. Thanks again
whambar Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I feel your pain. My girlfriend of 8 months has just done the same to me. She says she has fallen for me but doesn't trust me. She knows she has issues with this from a previous relationship. She has never been fully happy with our relationship and she has basically been going crazy every time I mention a female friend. It has been so hard for her, but our time together was so special and I had fallen for her big time. I really thought she was the one. I was prepared to do anything to give us the best possible chance of making this work, but she was always so cautious. No Contact is the only way forward for you. Just let him sort his head out. He will figure out for himself if he wants you in his life as my ex will too. If he loves you and can't be without you he will come back. In the meantime get busy...don't sit around crying for him and certainly don't show him that you are upset. If you feel as I do it will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do. I love my ex so much I just can't bear to never be with her again. I think about her 24/7 and the pain of not knowing what she is feeling or what she is doing is killing me, but I have faith that in time it will get easier.
Author fheed Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Thanks for posting, its good to have advice and know im not alone in this, although im sorry your having to go through this too. its horrible ! I havent contacted him today, i miss him like crazy but i know it wont help. It just hurts soooo bad. Im finding it hard to get my head around it because we loved each other sooo much and were amazing friends, the best friend iv ever found and he thought the same. Even in the days we broke up (he was staying at my place coz obv hes not from here and had to wait for his flight) we got on so well... i cant imagine how he can just walk away from that :S but i dont want to expect him to come back because if he doesn't it will be harder. I can't actually imagine not being with him....the thought makes me cry and feel sick. But i will have to accept it because if he doesnt want us i have no choice. i think accepting it is gonna be the hardest part. I hope in time i can accept it coz right now...im not doing too well!!!
Recommended Posts