SoulSearch_CO Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 You know, I had to come back to this thread and comment on the irony. She says YOU don't have a mind of your own, and yet, she wants to get engaged because of something her cousin and mom did. Yeah, she sounds like a real thinker. But anyway - I'll give you credit, MDM, for not just bailing on her. Many men have left over less. I asked my BF what he thought of the situation and he said that you cannot pack your bags fast enough to get away from her. LOL I fully agree with him, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck.
Citizen Erased Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 This relationship is about 10 train wrecks in one waiting to happen.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 She hangs up the phone on you to avoid discussing what would be the biggest commitment you've ever made in your young life. She drowns you out and won't let you voice your opinion. She's done this in a variety of ways, and that's just what I know from this thread. OP, my mother does this to my dad. She walks away from confrontation. She always gets the last word. It is incredibly unfair to my dad, yet over the years he has just sort of given up. This girl has no motivation to change. She's already telling you that she could easily replace you with some nameless, faceless 26 year old if you don't shape up and conform to her expectations. Whatever you do, hold your ground. It sounds like you're doing a good job of that so far. I really think you should move on, but I admire the way you are trying to solve the problem. Good experience for the next girl. And maybe the mext one will actually work towards a solution WITH you.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Yeah you're right I can't lol but its not because I'm sprung, its because I think she's worth the fight to make things work, I really care for her. Yeah saying she's acting like a selfish bitch was a bit much and really makes me look like an ass, so my bad on that. She's a pleasant girl really but she's as stubborn as a bull. And I've never seen her so selfish until this whole engagement thing showed up. I think she's just seeing it as me saying "Oh I'm not sure I want to commit to you for that long, I might want to pursue other women". Oh and I did it over the phone because we didn't see each other in person yesterday. I'm seeing her today, and you're damn right I'm going to take that chance and clear some **** up.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Thats some crazy ****! she sounds uber selfish on so many levels! you really think its worth that? Think about it if shes pestering you at 20 shes going to go ballistic at 25 if theres still no ring lol... Not to mention I'm sure shes going to start hearing her "baby clock" ticking like a time bomb... sure you think you have that covered for now. Seams like shes in a rush to grow up my advice find some one who's happy to be 20ish cause it doesn't last that long believe me enjoy it while you can...
Lauriebell82 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Yeah you're right I can't lol but its not because I'm sprung, its because I think she's worth the fight to make things work, I really care for her. Yeah saying she's acting like a selfish bitch was a bit much and really makes me look like an ass, so my bad on that. She's a pleasant girl really but she's as stubborn as a bull. And I've never seen her so selfish until this whole engagement thing showed up. I think she's just seeing it as me saying "Oh I'm not sure I want to commit to you for that long, I might want to pursue other women". Oh and I did it over the phone because we didn't see each other in person yesterday. I'm seeing her today, and you're damn right I'm going to take that chance and clear some **** up. Wow, I just re-read your ages. You are only 20! That's real young to even consider getting engaged. Why is she in such a rush at that age? I can understand the fear over whether or not you think a guy will commit to you. Usually when a guy doesn't propose, she feels that he doesn't want to commit to her or he wants to be with someone else. Kind of a paranoia I guess. Been there. It sucks. Anyway it sounds like she needs to regain her sanity back. Do you have a plan on how you can help make that happen? Screaming at her and calling her names is NOT going to help the situation. I know you already tried talking to her and that didn't go over well. So what are you going to do THIS talk to make her understand? (because she obviously doesn't.)
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 It feels like this is just something I need to set her straight on. I've done it before with her wanting to have a kid. So I know I can make her calm all that bull**** down. She has already thrown a spoiled brat hissy fit at the age of 20 about having a baby? Dude, I hope you are using condoms and not relying on her for birth control. Sex causes babies, and you are setting yourself up for a shotgun wedding, a miserable marriage where she flirts with every guy under the sun and ignores you, a contentious divorce, 18-22 years of child support, possible alimony, and a lifetime of being separated from your firstborn. But it looks like you aren't going to take anyone's advice - you are just going to "fix this" with her and change her mind. Bad news - you have only been with her for 10 months and you aren't going to change her mind.
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 And you don't even have a job now? How does she expect you to get engaged and plan a wedding and get ready to live together? Because, she sounds like she isn't going to be satisfied with anything less than a full carat in platinum - and it had best not be a cloudy stone! It's going to be all about the ring, and not the man.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 NOOO its all about the "engagement" ring... not the man get it right lol.. my guess nothing less then 2 carrots in platinum bugs Bunny eat your heart out!!
moman Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I thought I had met some real psycho-biyatches in the day, but this girl takes the cake
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 AND she falls asleep after she orgasms, leaving you in the lurch 80% of the time? (I just happened to run across one of your posts in Sexuality, and I couldn't believe it was you posting about the same GF. Or maybe - you have THREE girlfriends? The one who wants to get married and have a baby, the one who flirts with every other guy but you, AND the one who gets hers in bed and then lets you take care of yourself???!! LOL!!)
Katherineos123 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 AND she falls asleep after she orgasms, leaving you in the lurch 80% of the time? (I just happened to run across one of your posts in Sexuality, and I couldn't believe it was you posting about the same GF. Or maybe - you have THREE girlfriends? The one who wants to get married and have a baby, the one who flirts with every other guy but you, AND the one who gets hers in bed and then lets you take care of yourself???!! LOL!!) Oh no no no no. This is all wrong. Let me get this straight. She's pressuring you at TWENTY years of age to get married and have children... AND the sex life is sub par?!?! No good my friend, NO good. I understand you like her as a person, but this doesnt sound like an enjoyable, let alone HEALTHY relationship at all. You should really do some reevaluating about what it is youre looking for in a woman, and chances are, youll find out its not this BullShiz
reservoirdog1 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 RUN, FORREST!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. If she's that wound up at 22 about engagement when you've only been together 10 months -- so much so that she's basically ready to be engaged to ANYBODY by the end of the year -- she's somebody you don't want to be married to. In a way, she's done you a favour. This is pretty crazy behaviour -- and at least you're getting to see it now, rather than after marriage.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 RUN, FORREST!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. If she's that wound up at 22 about engagement when you've only been together 10 months -- so much so that she's basically ready to be engaged to ANYBODY by the end of the year -- she's somebody you don't want to be married to. In a way, she's done you a favour. This is pretty crazy behaviour -- and at least you're getting to see it now, rather than after marriage. Yeah, it won't get better after marriage that's for sure. I'm sorry you are going through this, she doesn't sound like she is very emotional stable. She needs help that you really can't give her. I think if some guy came up to her and proposed she'd be like "yay where do I sign?"
Sam Spade Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 OP, I can predict she won't go quietly into the night when you end it. The sooner the better, IMO. That's what I'd tell you if you were my son. I still wish you were my dad (and Woogle my uncle ) OP, you should drop that woman (girl). She shows you no respect, and she will have even less if you cave now. And then she will leave you 10 years later anyway - at the most - or whenever things don't go her way. One of the reason for the high divorce rate is tha people marry too young. Not too young in biological sense, but it is rare to see a mature adult under the age of 25 these days . You're ahead of the curve, your girlfriend is not.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Right now she's going no contact. After hanging up on me last night, I haven't heard from her in the morning, and on her lunch break, two times she always contacts me. So I'm pretty sure I'm not going to see her tonight which is frustrating, this is like the 5th time she's done to this me. Have me anticipate seeing her only to be stood up because she's upset.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Right now she's going no contact. After hanging up on me last night, I haven't heard from her in the morning, and on her lunch break, two times she always contacts me. So I'm pretty sure I'm not going to see her tonight which is frustrating, this is like the 5th time she's done to this me. Have me anticipate seeing her only to be stood up because she's upset. Why are you caring right now then? It just sounds like manipulation, another negative quality in someone you would want to be your wife. Although she truley is being kind of crazy, if you read some of the threads like "why won't he marry me?" type stuff you'd understand more what her wants are. HOWEVER this is a little nuts. Manipulating you and hanging up on you is not a good way of expressing her feelings. That goes beyond the whole "why won't he marry me?" deal.
bean1 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm not going to see her tonight which is frustrating, this is like the 5th time she's done to this me. Have me anticipate seeing her only to be stood up because she's upset. You know the old saying - fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? What about five times? People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. You are teaching princess that all of this is okay and that you will always be there crawling back to her. Put her in her place or don't complain when it happens a 6th or 7th time! You won't find any sympathies!
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Whew - maybe she is breaking up with you, and she is forcing you to dodge a HUGE bullet that you almost seem as though you want to take.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 As dumb as it may sound I really would like to see how taking the bullet turns out. I've put alot into this relationship and care for her too much to just brush her off. While it may sound like I'm a push over for this girl I'm really not. But more to the point, she decided to see me tonight after I made it clear to her that if she stands me up again I'm gone for good. I don't know if she's seeing me out of fear, or because she wants to, but its a step forward in this unnecessary confrontation. Now I have to make my view understood in person over a dinner (her treat, calm down - I'm unemployed remember?). I'll let you all know wus good with everything.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 By aware of the "bare minimum" hypothesis. Widely used by hit and run manipulators. When you start letting "her decide", the dynamic is rife for this.
bean1 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Maybe she decided to see you because she felt like it too, not out of fear? If I was her, I wouldn't take you seriously if you said you would leave her if she didn't show up. I mean seriously, she's done ridiculous crap like this over and over and you are still there waiting for her. How can she believe that you mean it? Be honest with your situation - you've been together less than a year, you are only 20, she's a complete bitch (the only time I think I've said that here), and she needs to be shot down a few pegs. She sounds like one of those girls that won't smarten up until she is with a man who won't tolerate her crap and mean it. Sorry. You are so young and you have so much life to experience, you are wasting it on this. Go to the marriage forum (or divorced forum) and look at the posts of men 10-20 years older than you who experienced this at your age. Learn from their mistakes.
socialight Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 dream, please print out a copy of your last post. Put it somewhere safe. 6 months from now, when you and this girl are broken up, sit down with a cold beer and pull the printout and look at it. You will be shocked, absolutely shocked, at how perilously close you came to making a huge mistake by staying with this girl.
Lucky_One Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Please please please PLEASE use condoms!! Please??
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