lovestruck818 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Well, some people want to date exclusively to see where it goes with that person. Obviously, that is not what you want. So it would be best for all involved to know this right away. Why waste each other's time? Besides, Dexter only said that he would expect a woman to pay her share if she is also dating other man. What's wrong with that? Actually, I am looking for a relationship but right now I am seeing 2 different guys to see if anything escalates with 1...and if it does, then I'll let the other go. No harm in it. And heh, women should always pay their own share anyway. Any guy who thinks he has to "buy" me is mistaken. I don't want your money!
monkey00 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Personally I'm unable to serially date multiple women. The farthest I've gone was go out with 3 women on first time coffee dates in the same day. I have a job, friends, family and other stuff in my life to juggle. Doing the multiple woman thing consumes you financially, emotionally, and time-wise. If I go out with a woman on more than 2 dates, I'd prefer to stick with her and let things develop.
sally4sara Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I honestly don't think that those are unreasonable assumptions that those guys are making - I've heard of some women who date multiple guys they meet on Match.com and sleep with all of them right away while they are still dating the other guys. Whether you agree with it or not, discovering that a woman is dating a bunch of guys at once does raise some serious red flags. But these "worries" are things anyone could worry about no matter who is dating who. I would find it easier to trust the word of someone who is entirely up front about things. Besides, most women just figure any guy they meet might be sleeping with other women even if he is showing interest in them at the moment. And women are just suppose to accept this as a possibility until the "exclusive talk" so........what is your point? I choose who to have a relationship with. I don't wait around waiting to be chosen.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 But doesn't being single entitle one to see whomever and how many ever people of his or her choosing? Yes, it does, but it doesn't entitle them to a free meal. I didn't say I'd be upset with them. It is their right to date as many people as they want. I just don't feel the need to pay for someone that isn't giving me their consideration.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 And heh, women should always pay their own share anyway. Any guy who thinks he has to "buy" me is mistaken. I don't want your money! Then you are one in a million sweetie!!
clv0116 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Actually, I am looking for a relationship but right now I am seeing 2 different guys to see if anything escalates with 1...and if it does, then I'll let the other go. No harm in it. And heh, women should always pay their own share anyway. Any guy who thinks he has to "buy" me is mistaken. I don't want your money! Do either of the guys you're dating earn half or less the salary you earn?
amymarieca Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I am all about dating multiple guys at once. I am young and I live in a big city. Why would I not keep my options open? I think you should only focus your energy on one person if there is huge chemistry and you can see yourself dating them seriously. If not, why settle for just one? There are too many interesting/good looking people!
lovestruck818 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Do either of the guys you're dating earn half or less the salary you earn? Who knows? Money doesn't matter anyway and I don't like it to be the center of a conversation. Irrelevant isn't it?
lovestruck818 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I am all about dating multiple guys at once. I am young and I live in a big city. Why would I not keep my options open? I think you should only focus your energy on one person if there is huge chemistry and you can see yourself dating them seriously. If not, why settle for just one? There are too many interesting/good looking people! I agree! I'm such a sucker for the good-looking ones, lol.
clv0116 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Who knows? Money doesn't matter anyway and I don't like it to be the center of a conversation. Irrelevant isn't it? Are you avoiding the question or do you really have no idea what career and degree of professional success your dates have achieved?
lovestruck818 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Are you avoiding the question or do you really have no idea what career and degree of professional success your dates have achieved? I know what jobs they have and what level they are at...that doesn't necessarily mean they make a lot of money. Nor does it matter. As long as he is not some poor homeless scrub money is not an issue.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I am all about dating multiple guys at once. I am young and I live in a big city. Why would I not keep my options open? you can keep your options open if you like. but if a guy finds out he is just one of many options, if he had any self-respect, he would give you one less option at your disposal. If someone wants to date more than one person at a time, hey, knock yourself out, but don't expect any of them to be happy with it if they find out. If I was working towards a relationship with someone and found out I was being played behind my back, she'd be deemed unworthy of me. So I guess the real question is, are you telling these guys that they aren't the only ones you are dating? And if not, why? I think you should only focus your energy on one person if there is huge chemistry and you can see yourself dating them seriously. Ah, so otherwise you are just using the guys where there isn't a huge chemistry? But you'll still date them eh? I see that as leading people on.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I agree! I'm such a sucker for the good-looking ones, lol. LOL, and then they all of a sudden become jerks when they feel they are obligated to share their good looks with multiple women:rolleyes:
clv0116 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I know what jobs they have and what level they are at... Convince me. Tell me more.
lovestruck818 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Convince me. Tell me more. I know what job they have and how long they have been doing it...obv, only by what they tell me. Money and numbers and all that doesn't need to come into the picture. I mainly care about how he makes his money not how much money he is making. Put it this way...I'd rather date someone who is a teacher or something maybe making not that much money, than someone who sells drugs and makes a ton.
clv0116 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I know what job they have and how long they have been doing it. Ah so what job would that be and how long then?
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I think the main problem with most of the people who have a hard time with dating more than one guy at a time is insecurity. It really is NOT about a competition. Have to disagree. This is anecdotal so take it for what its worth. I have never multidated. I always knew myself well enough to now that I couldn't give any girl my full attention and an honest shot at anything worthwhile if I did. In the past I had given women the benefit of the doubt. That they knew how to determine which man they felt a larger connection with. What happened to me to turn me off to multidaters? I had been seeing a few girls, not at the same time, and each of them forgot who they were talking to. They were confusing conversations with other guys. They would ask me to tell them about some incident that "we" had talked of before. After some convincing that they were mistaken they realized they were caught. After having talked for several weeks, sometimes months. That's when I knew I would have problems trusting women to know who they were falling for (knowing they were multidating). I know I shouldn't let a few bad experiences turn me off. But I rarely find women are willing to admit they are multidating. These days I just assume they are multidating. Which has turned me somewhat cold.
lovestruck818 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Ah so what job would that be and how long then? One is a guidance counselor for 10 years and the other is a gym teacher for 8... what's your point?
Shygirl15 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I think the main problem with most of the people who have a hard time with dating more than one guy at a time is insecurity. I think multidaters are the ones with insecurities since they cannot feel secure with one guy until they have several others lined up as back-ups to reassure them that they will never be alone when things go wrong. I think the real reason behind multidating is the fear of being alone.
clv0116 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 One is a guidance counselor for 10 years and the other is a gym teacher for 8... what's your point? So they have average careers, can I assume you also work in education? Also, what would you rate yourself as far as physical appearance on a scale from 1-10?
clv0116 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I think the real reason behind multidating is the fear of being alone. Fear is a strong word, but it's more like a desire to be efficient with my time.
Shygirl15 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Once my current man took me out a couple times, it was clear he was the one for me, and I quit dating anyone else and focused on us. I think someone already asked this as well, but Donna, if the other guys you were going out with before you met your man were not a perfect match for you (which is why you continued looking, right?), why did you continue dating them?
lovestruck818 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 So they have average careers, can I assume you also work in education? Also, what would you rate yourself as far as physical appearance on a scale from 1-10? In fact I do not work in education...media, for the record. Looks? I'd say a 9.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 So if women aren't willing to admit they are multi-dating, how would you know? When I was dating several guys, I respected them enough to pay attention to who was who and what went on in their respective lives. And I ALWAYS told the truth about dating several guys at the same time. From previous post. These days I just assume they are multidating. It's good that you were honest. But I wonder if the men you had dated were holding back some because of it. It's irrelevant at this point really. The guy you're with now was just willing to gamble more where the others weren't.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I think multidaters are the ones with insecurities since they cannot feel secure with one guy until they have several others lined up as back-ups to reassure them that they will never be alone when things go wrong. I think the real reason behind multidating is the fear of being alone. I agree that some are. Sometimes I think it's more a fear of intimacy coming along too soon for them. That maybe in the past they have allowed themselves to move too quickly into a relationship. So they use multidating as a way to slow the process of knowing the other person.
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