ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 We've gone out every Saturday night. So that cannot be it. I have no problems talking to her, and she with me. But, as you may have guessed, I am confused. I swear, I feel like high school again. L.O.L.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 So, who cares what the bottom feeding males are doing with her the rest of the week?
Stockalone Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Ask her out for a Saturday night date I used to date (including Saturday nights) a woman that was also dating other men. So, who cares what the bottom feeding males are doing with her the rest of the week? Okay, just saw this. So the guy who is getting the Saturday night dates is the frontrunner. That could be the case. It would explain why she said I was being unreasonable when I no longer wanted to go out with her because she multi-dated.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Yeah, it always appears obvious once one is looking in the rear view mirror
Brady_to_Moss Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I am a guy and i cant date more than 1 girl at a time. Just seems weird to me.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 We've gone out every Saturday night. So that cannot be it. I have no problems talking to her, and she with me. But, as you may have guessed, I am confused. I swear, I feel like high school again. L.O.L. Well if you are going out every Saturday night, then there is obviously something there between you. I'd hate to think she'd taint that by dating someone else behind your back, exclusivity talk or not. any way to find out what she is doing on Friday nights when not with you?
Dexter Morgan Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 So the guy who is getting the Saturday night dates is the frontrunner. That could be the case. It would explain why she said I was being unreasonable when I no longer wanted to go out with her because she multi-dated. Thing is, what do you think would have happened if you said,"oh you are dating other men too? thats cool, I have been going out with other women." You'd probably get a double-standard slap on the face.
Stockalone Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Thing is, what do you think would have happened if you said,"oh you are dating other men too? thats cool, I have been going out with other women." You'd probably get a double-standard slap on the face. Maybe, maybe not. I don't think there is always a double-standard. We had quite a few threads about this on LS. Many people think that dating more than one person is what you should expect unless you have talked about being exclusive. They don't mind that the person they are seeing is also seeing other people. Frankly, I don't even care if there is a double-standard or not. I have never multi-dated. I date one woman and she gets my undivided attention and I expect the same courtesy in return. If she dates other guys besides me, I will no longer go out with her. Why she dates other man is not important, the fact that she does tells me all I need to know about her. Ah, the "wake-up call" I don't understand. Could you please elaborate?
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 When a woman projects her behaviors onto a man in a negative fashion (the double standard), I call this "the wake-up call" to see that kind of mind f*ck clearly and skeedaddle
Stockalone Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 When a woman projects her behaviors onto a man in a negative fashion (the double standard), I call this "the wake-up call" to see that kind of mind f*ck clearly and skeedaddle Thanks, I even learned a new word: "skedaddle". Given that I had already lost interest in her due to the multi-dating (info she didn't volunteer but that was brought to my attention by a friend), I couldn't have cared less about her reasons for dating other men or whether or not she thought I was being unreasonable.
dreamergrl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I don't date more then one guy at a time. It just doesn't feel right for me. But I do know plenty of women that do. I also know plenty of men that don't date more the on woman at a time. It just depends on the person.
xenomaniac Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I will go out for dinner/drinks with various men as "friends", even though I know their intentions are something more romantic. I can usually keep people at arm's length and weigh my options. Except for this one person I am currently involved with. He makes me NOT want to "mix and mingle" ever again, which is a huge first for me. If things fail with him, I'm not sure if I'll adopt my old tomcat ways again or if I'll just swear off men altogether.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 and if someone is a multi-dater, but decides one of them might be the "one", don't be surprised if you end up losing them if they find out.
lovestruck818 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 ....even though it isn't serious? I hear a lot of, "Well, I'm talking to someone right now, and I am wanting to see where that goes." line. In the past, I hear that women only date (even though it's not even REMOTELY serious) ONE guy at a time. Even if it's a prospect, OR Even if they haven't even met them in person yet. I have heard women don't like to "Juggle" male prospects. Is this true? When I'm in a relationship, obviously it's 1 guy and 1 guy only...but when I am single I like to have more than 1 prospect. That way if it doesn't work out, you have others. Nothing I hate more than putting my heart, soul & energy into 1 and then it not working out and then not having someone else to work on. Lol. Some people might think this is wrong, but the beauty of being single is to be able to "see", "go on dates with" whomever and how many ever you choose. I see nothing wrong with it and yeah I think alot more women do this than you think.
xenomaniac Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 and if someone is a multi-dater, but decides one of them might be the "one", don't be surprised if you end up losing them if they find out. Agreed. But that's why this is different: I am only seeing this one guy right now (despite interest from other male candidates). We aren't formally exclusive yet, but it's not because either one of us is dating other people; it's because he's trying to grapple with some old issues he wants to resolve before he calls himself my "boyfriend". Like I said, though, if things fizzle, I technically have alternative prospects, but I just don't feel attracted to anyone but him right now.
Shygirl15 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Some people might think this is wrong, but the beauty of being single is to be able to "see", "go on dates with" whomever and how many ever you choose. I see nothing wrong with it and yeah I think alot more women do this than you think. Hopefully, you'll be equally understanding when you find out one of your dates is also dating several other women.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I guess it boils down to I won't compete with other men for a woman. If a woman wants me to compete, I'm going to take myself out of the equation and give her one less option. I don't expect a woman to compete for me either. That would be kind of narcississtic.
lovestruck818 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Hopefully, you'll be equally understanding when you find out one of your dates is also dating several other women. If he's not exclusive, in a relationship, he's allowed to see anyone he wants...I have no right to get mad and I don't. That's why there are people in the world who like being single. Some people don't want to be tied down to 1 person....and that's ok.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I guess it boils down to I won't compete with other men for a woman. If a woman wants me to compete, I'm going to take myself out of the equation and give her one less option. I don't expect a woman to compete for me either. That would be kind of narcississtic. I'm curious as to why you might see dating/romance as a competition and, adjunct to that, why you would eschew a typical male behavior (competing) in this one area? Specifically, when a woman is dating other men (presumably with no intimate sexual contact for the purposes of this example) why do you see them as "competition"? She spends time with them and enjoys their company, presumably. She likely also spends time with her male and female friends and her family and enjoys those contacts as well. What's different? This is the real meat and potatoes
Stockalone Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 While I am not Dexter, I would have said nearly the same thing he did, and I am curious to know where you are going with this. I'm curious as to why you might see dating/romance as a competition and, adjunct to that, why you would eschew a typical male behavior (competing) in this one area? For me, it's similar to sports. Sports are interesting and challenging when you can directly engage your opponent and get a chance to destroy the competition's game plan. If that is not an option, playing is no fun for me. And with a woman who multi-dates, it's the same thing. She is no longer appealing. To warrant an all-out effort, the (perceived) value of the prize needs to be worth the effort. Hence, sometimes the only winning move is not to play. I don't mind jumping through a few hoops and being tested though, BUT only if I am more than just an option among many. Specifically, when a woman is dating other men (presumably with no intimate sexual contact for the purposes of this example) why do you see them as "competition"? She spends time with them and enjoys their company, presumably. She likely also spends time with her male and female friends and her family and enjoys those contacts as well. What's different This is the real meat and potatoes My question would be why wouldn't there be a difference? Female friends and family are okay. Male friends need to be monitored closely and every other straight man is a rival. But to answer your question, why is there a difference? Pride, ego, territoriality and possessiveness.
serial muse Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 For me, it's similar to sports. Sports are interesting and challenging when you can directly engage your opponent and get a chance to destroy the competition's game plan. If that is not an option, playing is no fun for me. And with a woman who multi-dates, it's the same thing. She is no longer appealing. To warrant an all-out effort, the (perceived) value of the prize needs to be worth the effort. What's interesting about this is that some people might consider the competition itself as increasing the perceived value of the prize. (I'm not a multidater, as I said, but this just struck me as interesting.) Anyway, maybe it just works best when multidaters date each other, and non-multidaters date each other. That way, everyone's on the same page.
Stockalone Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 What's interesting about this is that some people might consider the competition itself as increasing the perceived value of the prize. No argument there. It's just that I don't view it as the kind of competiton I would want to participate in and win. It lacks the physical, combative component. That is why I compared it to sports. I only played sports where you would actually be able to engage your opponent. Football, basketball, soccer, etc. A huge part of the appeal for me was/is that you can influence what your opponent can do. I lose interest and motivation when you can't do that. Volleyball, badminton, tennis, etc. are sports that I have played to pass time, but I never took it serious outside of PE. It's just not the same kind of victory at those sports without the pyhsical component, it feels different, less satisfying.
clv0116 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 We had quite a few threads about this on LS. Many people think that dating more than one person is what you should expect unless you have talked about being exclusive. They don't mind that the person they are seeing is also seeing other people. Frankly, I don't even care if there is a double-standard or not. It's usually the case in my experience that it becomes a de-facto double standard in that a lot of people won't admit to multi-dating. Women are particularly excellent at justifying their back-burner boyfriends. My policy is to assume non-exclusivity and if asked I never imply exclusivity and never discuss details. If someone were to demand exclusivity it would be handled at that time. I don't even care if there is a double-standard or not either.
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