ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Ok, so I am dating this girl. We speak daily and hug and hold hands when walking when we see eachother. We saw eachother the past two Saturdays. There really has not been an opportunity for a first kiss yet. I did not want to be too aggressive as it seems she may have been wronged in the past. She seems very secretive in not telling me her surname or address. We always meet in the middle she then gets in my car and we drive to our event. Therefore, I did not think it would be a good idea if I pushed for a kiss on the first or second date. But, like I said, we talk daily on the phone and we do hold hands since the first date. She is reserved to say the least. We talked about relationships and the type of people we are and she seemed enlightened by my response that I am not a player. Aside from the lack of surname and address there really is not much I can complain about much yet. Well, there is one more thing. She logs into her Match.com account daily. Not sure why. I log in once a week to check the messages. This is probably not something I can bring up as an issue is it? Two, aside from talking all the time, going places on Saturday, and holding hands; is there a way to gauge her attractiveness to me? When I am driving and when we are talking she does brush my arm at times. So I am confused. I guess, I could, at the end of the next date, after the hug, say like wait a minute and say I want to try something and then go in for a kiss. Suggestions? Comments? Bored? Let me know. We are seeing eachother this Saturday for the whole day and night.
era Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 We are seeing eachother this Saturday for the whole day and night. Well then, lots of opportunity, huh? Did you meet on-line? Not revealing surname and address during initial contact is just a safety measure us women feel compelled to use...really nothing for you to worry about at this point in time.
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Yep. Met on Match. Not really much time as we were either watching a movie or something else. I can understand the address, but not the surname? More importantly, what do you think about the logging in daily and my thought on this Saturday's day/night date? Also, if it means anything, she planned the third date even before the second date. Reason being, she could not spend the whole day with me last weekend due to school, so we saw a movie and dinner instead and moved the whole day date to next Saturday (this coming Saturday).
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Suggestions? Comments? Bored? Let me know. We are seeing each other this Saturday for the whole day and night. I am bored thanks for askin.. but no really it sounds good other then the logging into match daily.. Do you really dig her gf wise? the not letting you have her surname by now is odd as well. Before the 1st date OK but now your up to your what 3ed? I dunno ruggy I'm hoping for you but I wouldn't bet the farm yet. I say ask her how shes feeling about the 2 of you before she loses interest and moves on or you get to attached and end up getting hurt sorry to be so neg.. Oh and I'm still bored.. but I'm going to bed soon so that will pass lol.. Security is nice but she knows were he lives obversely? if there going to spend the day/night together no? its the 3ed date time to warm up a little on her end IMO...
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Yea, I do. What do I say, if you do not give me your surname we can't go out? Yea, that would go over well. She calls me more than I call her. So I am not running after her. But, the last name thing is on my mind, no question. I guess, next time we talk, I guess I can say something like are we trying to build a relationship here? She'll say why? I say, you know a lot about me and I do not even know a simple thing like your surname. Then proceed from there. Then say, I do have an interest for you, but the lack of basic everyday information is really on my mind. The logging into Match.com daily also bugs me, but, again, it was only two dates so far; but talking daily for hours. Don't want to jump the gun. I did ask on Friday, when she said an old boyfriend called if I had competition, she said no.
yongyong Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 you are thinking holding hands is a big deal. are two of you guys from different culture? I don't think you guys are dating either. she might hang out with other guys (easy for women to do that by online thing) and gauging all the things (looks, personality, money and possibly bed skills) it sucks to know she is contacting other guys but that's what you should be doing as well. I say Kiss her ASAP. Women will decide whether she will sleep with you after first kiss (heard from some research)
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Think I should call the third date off?
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I don't understand why the surname is such a big deal. Whatever it is, is it going to be a deal-breaker if you don't like it? "I can't date a Smith, sorry." Who cares? You're fixating on something utterly ridiculous. As for the Match thing. I'm not sure why that matters, either. I met my current BF on eH. Met online in Nov, spoke on internet and phone that whole month. Went on our first date the beginning of Dec. Spoke on the phone the rest of that month (family obligations on both our parts and distance made meeting up a little difficult). You know what? I canceled eH at the end of Nov and got a Match at the beginning of Dec. I didn't cancel the thing until mid-January when me and my BF got serious. Yes, I was still looking. And why not? I probably logged in daily. Women get more messages than men. Gotta keep the inbox clean and the weirdos weeded out. Another thing that is not a big deal - especially since you two have only been on two dates and not even a kiss. Don't cancel the third date. You're making too big a deal out of things. Just relax. Dating should be fun. And you CAN kiss a woman without announcing anything ("just a minute????" "let me try something???"). Just kiss the girl. It's possible after the kiss that she may open up a little bit more to you. Don't write this one off too soon - especially if you have a connection.
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Very true Soul. Its more of a trust thing for me. But Yong does bring up a good point. Yea, I could go for a kiss if we meet on Saturday. I think it should not be a big deal if, when she calls again, she seems to call once or twice a day, asking her if she is attracted to me. Saying, I know we connect, but are you interested in me. Or, is that a bad sign? I've never had to ask this before, but Yong brings up some good points. Perhaps I should be a little bit more aggressive in my pursuance.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Why is there this driving need to define it so early on? Why can't you just have fun with the girl without having to put a label on it? The kiss should be able to tell you a lot - her level of attraction, the amount of passion, etc. I had never heard the thing about deciding to sleep with a guy after kissing him. But , it's very true. Kissing can quickly escalate to other things as long as the attraction is there.
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Be nice to know and gauge her interest level. I.E. friends or something more.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I don't understand why the surname is such a big deal. . Yea I thought so too at one point but now looking back to this day I still think he was married! You have to careful now adays on line sure both women AND men! The surname thing shouldn't be a massive issue quite yet but for me it would be ringing some bells at this point if they talk as much as ruggy says I mean she knows hes not an ax murder so whats she hiding?..
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Be nice to know and gauge her interest level. I.E. friends or something more. Lay a kiss on her, Ruggy. That should tell you a whole lot.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Why is there this driving need to define it so early on? . So he doesn't let himself get overly into her while she in the mean time is logging into match every day? I agree OMG for once with yongyong! you should also see other women as long as she is going to do that. I dunno I never was one for serial dating tho I find some one I like they like me I try to seal the deal and be done with it 95% of the time and if the guy dose it 1st even better.. Sorry to play devils advocate so much here ruggy I just been following your story and you seam to be really into this chick and id hate to see you get burned now. I know what you mean it could be a touchy subject to bring up but maybe try asking her if you may go to her place on the next date for a movie or something and see how you go? If shes been to your house already then its def time again thats just MO..
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Lay a kiss on her, Ruggy. That should tell you a whole lot. Exactly... !
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Yea I thought so too at one point but now looking back to this day I still think he was married! You have to careful now adays on line sure both women AND men! The surname thing shouldn't be a massive issue quite yet but for me it would be ringing some bells at this point if they talk as much as ruggy says I mean she knows hes not an ax murder so whats she hiding?.. OK...let me tell you a little story. I have a friend that was abducted by a neighbor and kept in his basement where he did unspeakable things to her. Yes - this stuff does happen in real life. She went through unspeakable terror. I'm not sure how long this lasted (she has a difficult time talking about it). But it tainted her for the rest of her life. She still functioned, but was nervous about giving out too much information about herself. And rightly so. I'm not saying that this woman has gone through anything to that degree. But rather than going straight to "they're hiding something bad, bad, bad!," maybe people should get the benefit of the doubt sometimes. I don't know. Ruggy would know better than anyone here. What does your GUT tell you, Ruggy? That she has dark intentions in keeping her surname and address private after only two dates? Or that maybe she's just playing it safe in a world where stalkers and rapists run amok preying on women?
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 So I should not bring it up when we talk later? Or, if I do, does it make me look desperate? Right now, believe it or not, I am not running after her, calling her, etc. I did call her after the date on Saturday saying I had a great time and she said the same. Laughing about the funny moments and such. Since then, she has called me a half dozen times or so. I do miss her calls a lot, so she tries back later. Strangely, after our fist date, she got locked out of her car a few days later and called me for help. Not sure why, told her to call a locksmith. I am not one. This one is completely different than the last as we do talk all the time. But, the last one, which I did kiss on the first date ended in disaster. So you can see I am a bit hesitant and second guessing everything. I guess you can say the last one killed my confidence. That could be the other reason why I am walking on eggshells so to speak...
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 So he doesn't let himself get overly into her while she in the mean time is logging into match every day? Uh...then how about multi-dating until there's some kind of agreement of exclusivity? I don't get people just assuming exclusivity. If it bothers you that much, then either tell her you want to be exclusive (and she'll most likely run), or be a little more casual and keep meeting hot babes off of Match yourself. I dunno - seems logical to me.
Viking Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Lay a kiss on her, Ruggy. That should tell you a whole lot. It takes balls and a lot of us don't want to have to risk it because of the gutsyness of it all. Soul, how does one go about doing this? Please enlighten us on this topic!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 It takes balls and a lot of us don't want to have to risk it because of the gutsyness of it all. Soul, how does one go about doing this? Please enlighten us on this topic! HAHAHAHA...laying a kiss on her? I'm no expert in trying to kiss girls. I've only kissed one and it was to get a reaction out of the guys in our class. LMAO It was, "Ready? Ok. 1...2...3!" Although I don't think that would work in your case. When I've been kissed by a guy, it's usually after I've been looking into his eyes. If I'm willing to have his face that close to mine and I hold eye contact, then most likely I'm willing to kiss him! It's usually been in a casual environment like sitting/laying on the couch watching a movie or TV. We were talking, I ended up looking at him and my face was probably like less than 6 inches from his. But really - I have no idea! I've never romantically kissed a girl. LOL
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 OK...let me tell you a little story. I have a friend that was abducted by a neighbor and kept in his basement where he did unspeakable things to her. Yes - this stuff does happen in real life. She went through unspeakable terror. I'm not sure how long this lasted (she has a difficult time talking about it). But it tainted her for the rest of her life. She still functioned, but was nervous about giving out too much information about herself. And rightly so. I'm not saying that this woman has gone through anything to that degree. But rather than going straight to "they're hiding something bad, bad, bad!," maybe people should get the benefit of the doubt sometimes. I don't know. Ruggy would know better than anyone here. What does your GUT tell you, Ruggy? That she has dark intentions in keeping her surname and address private after only two dates? Or that maybe she's just playing it safe in a world where stalkers and rapists run amok preying on women? Honestly soul thats horrible and I feel for her to no end.. But you could also walk out the door and be hit by a bus.. Life is hit and miss and if you let your fears over control you thats not good ether. Ive had some Internet/chat horror stories too rape included! but on the 3ed date I would at least give the guy my name out of respect. And in hopes of building a solid trusting relationship shes that mistrusting still but yet is logging into the dating site every day? If I was like that id be happy I found what seamed to be a decent guy and take it from there... Your right tho only Ruggy knows for sure..
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Uh...then how about multi-dating until there's some kind of agreement of exclusivity? I don't get people just assuming exclusivity. If it bothers you that much, then either tell her you want to be exclusive (and she'll most likely run), or be a little more casual and keep meeting hot babes off of Match yourself. I dunno - seems logical to me. There are three other girls that I could also date, though, I really do not have the time to juggle more than one at a time. I have enough stress in my life already, I do not need more. Can you imagine me with times FOUR of these feelings? I'd be crazier than I am now. In terms of feelings, I am trying not to fall head over feet for her like the last one. The last girl was perfect, but I guess it was not meant to be. This one is a bit different, as I do not know, her surname, her address or even her e-mail address. I in turn never gave her my address. Though, she has stated she'd come over to mine. My gut is confused. She seems very private and cautious. I have dated a good amount of women the the last fifteen years, this is the only one where I do not know where she lives and has not given me her surname. Yet, she will get in the car with me and drive where ever. On the way back from the last date, she asked me how I feel about her. I said the truth. Then she said, yea, thats great but to you enjoy being with me, like my company, do you find me attractive, etc. I said yes, I find you attractive. I did ask you out, didn't I? I then said, yes, of course I like being with you. She said the same, on the going out with me part. What leaves me wondering are the following: 1) No surname 2) No address 3) Logging in daily to Match.com 4) What she is thinking about me
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Uh...then how about multi-dating until there's some kind of agreement of exclusivity? I don't get people just assuming exclusivity. If it bothers you that much, then either tell her you want to be exclusive (and she'll most likely run), or be a little more casual and keep meeting hot babes off of Match yourself. I dunno - seems logical to me. I don't multi date I don't speed date I don't dial a date lol.... But then again I'm weird! But anyways why do allot of people seam so afraid of commitment cant you tell if you want to be partners after the 3ed 4th date really? maybe I was confused all along..
Author ruggy Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 So would it make me look desperate if when she called say I have been thinking about us and talk about it? If we are going on the third "date" Is it bad or make someone look desperate if they want to know where both of them stand?
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Uh. If she's already asked how you feel about her, I don't see why it would be unreasonable for you to turn it back around on her.
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