nick70 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Hi, My Long Distance girlfirend and I broke up last week. She told me from the start that she didn't want anything serious but all her actions suggested she was falling for me. I knew she was trying hard to keep me at arms length so that I didn't hurt her as she has been hurt in the past. I could feel the conflict going on in her. I felt she was crying out for some commitment from me. I felt she couldn't trust me but I have done nothing to give her any reason not to. I have female friends and she knows this. She always questioned me about them and I knew there was some jealousy on her part but they are just friends and she is the only woman I dream about. I told her exactly how I feel about her. When we were in each others arms the only thing which mattered to me was being together. I think about her all the time and I have fallen in love with her in a big way. It was frightening but I committed my heart body & soul to this woman. She said she doesn't want tohurt me. Time and again I heard those words but all the time I just saw love in her eyes. Maybe I misjudged everything. I gave her the commitment I thought she wanted but it has just made her feel under pressure to reciprocate my love for her. Now tshe ells me she can't do casual (good!) and she isn't ready for serious. She can't let me get close. It leaves us with nothing. She knows she has hurt me because of how I feel about her. She says she needs to sort herself out before she can be ready to commit to someone again. I am still hopeful that she will reconsider. I have never felt like this about anyone before and I want her back even though I know we all deserve to receive as much love as we give. When she calls to talk this evening is there anything I can say to her. Should I tell her the door is open then wait for her. I know I can't be just friends with her. It is all or nothing with me. If I wait how long is long enough before I move on and should I keep in contact with her in the meantime? Any suggestions would be really welcome. Thanks
imagine Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Don't do LDR's. It is a fantasy relationship. Thank her for the time you spent - then shut up.
lostsunsets Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Imagine is right. Don't chase her. You need to see commitment on her side of the relationship. Tell her its been nice and that she is probably right in wanting to cut things off. Anyway you want someone who isn't afraid to pour their life into you as you are willing to pour your life into them. When she asks you if you can just be friends? No. No anger, no tears, just move on. What if I change my mind in a few months, and call you? Tell her not to bother and that in a few months, you will pretty much be over her. Tell her to go and be secure in the fact that she can be safe and alone now. Show no emotion other then happiness and contentment. Do not give her that power.
msjules Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 She told me from the start that she didn't want anything serious but all her actions suggested she was falling for me. This woman has been telling you from day one that she isn't all that into you. I think you have been reading things into her actions that simply aren't there. I have a male friend who does the same thing to me. He doesn't respect what I have to say when I say that I am not interested in him. He claims to be in love with me and looks for any sign that I might be changing my mind about him. It's sad and I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time it makes me mad that he doesn't respect my words but instead tries to find hidden meanings in my actions. Listen to her words and respect what she has to say.
Author nick70 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 We talked and I listened to what she had to say. If what she says to me is true then we are the right people who got together at the wrong time. She said she wanted to have a casual relationship knowing she wasn't ready to commit again, however we were getting serious and she didn't want that. She said she had fallen for me as I had for her & that I only ever made her feel good. I asked why she would want to give that up. She said she hasn't been happy because she knows how I feel about her but that she can't let herself go to feel the same way. I asked her if she trusted me she said no. She said I have done nothing to warrant that but she knows she just isn't ready to trust again after being let down in her last relationships - one who cheated on her and one who is an alcoholic. She said she has been having casual sex with me and it has been great but it conflicts with everything she believes in and until she is ready to commit she cannot get physical with anyone again - that includes with me. I am really sad. I do feel that if she was interested and if she felt as I do about her then she would do anything possible for us to be together despite her fears. Anyway it wasn't to be, not right now. I am trying to let her go now which is very hard. The saying if you love someone set them free and if they come back they are yours forever seems so true right now.
Jay34 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 yeah she just wasn't that into you, so forget her, i am sure you can find someone who wants to commit to you, forget her.... who needs someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them.
msjules Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I am really sad. I do feel that if she was interested and if she felt as I do about her then she would do anything possible for us to be together despite her fears. I agree with you. She apparently doesn't feel you're worth the effort. Fine. Show her the door and find someone who feels you are. It's time for No Contact, my friend.
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