Ok so I met this girl

[Johnny80]

If you want the boring bit, I've told the beginning of the story on a long post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181941/

 

Well basically I met this girl I remember from 12 years ago and really had a crush on.

On the previous post I asked if she could be playing hard to get.

 

Well, this is sort of an update and more questions.

 

She wasn't playing hard to get, she had a couple of REALLY tough weeks - she told me the reason and I totally understand it, given what happened she was in fact even being polite and trying hard.

 

Anyway a few days after my last post she sent me a message inviting me over for dinner after ignoring a few invitations for coffee.

 

The day before the dinner I casually met with her really late in the evening, so both of us had a few drinks. We ended up talking until the place closed, and she offered me a ride home (which was really unnecessary coz I live 3 minutes away), which I nevertheless accepted for the extra minutes with her.

 

Well she parked outside my place and I was thanking her for the lift and preparing to get out and she asks me sort of provocately "Are you in a hurry?", I smiled at her and told her "no" and I sit back. So we talked for another half an hour, and eventually she told me she wanted to go out more (but the only places open at that time were either too expensive or too lame so I told her "well I don't have any beer home, otherwise I'd invite you" and she quickly replies "well I do, I bought it for tomorrow's dinner", so we went to her place.

 

We sat on the couch and talked for hours while drinking the entire six pack. We really had a lot of fun and her body language was impressively flirty with me. At some point she gets really really close and starts touching my face and telling me I'm a really sweet guy. Well, on my manual that would be the cue to "kiss her, you bastard" but for some reason and the amount (at least for me, since she drove perfectly home and only had 3 beers after that) of alcohol involved (and also some shyness + having been out of a long relationship only for some months) I didn't, although it didn't look strange or anything, I kept being really sweet to her and showing interest. Anyway we were there until 10AM, I can say it was a perfect time and made me feel really good since I really like her. Then I walked home (I live 5 minutes away anyway).

 

Well, we had dinner that night so I went out to buy a 6 pack to replace the one we drank the previous night. I showed up at the scheduled time, she was looking impressive. Anyway I gave her a red rose I bought on the way and we had a great time again, I also took some homemade icecream for dessert (which she loved). Body language showed a lot of interest, we had a GREAT time but since we were in a dinner situation (not in a couch) there was less touching involved, so obviously the whole situation wasn't as flirty as before. Her cooking was also great and we laughed a lot talking about some past stories. Always a lot of smiling and eye contact.

 

I haven't been in this kind of situation for years, so I am rusty as hell at dating. I'd say (99% sure) that there definitely is some interest.

 

Well after our dinner we went out for a private party I had invitations to and she does change a bit, she really looks different when we're alone, not that she's distant or anything, she just "tunes out" a little, and gets worse as she drinks more and more. Still we spent 95% of the time together and I'm pretty sure between songs I heard her friend saying "how sweet!!" after doing some discrete pointing at me as if asking "him...?". Her friends like me a lot too, they're really sweet to me all the time. Anyway right after we entered the party (the kind of party where I know almost everyone and they should automatically assume her as my girlfriend since she was with me), she was looking so stunning that it didn't take even 5 minutes for a guy I know blatantly hit on her right beside me, only then asking me if she was my girlfriend and then running away in drunken craze in a totally senseless way.

 

Anyway, she's a very busy person, so now I'm hanging waiting to have another chance with her. I sent her an invitation for dinner at my place for somewhere next week, pretty much tailored to what I see as her schedule, just like a chance "not to get her lose work, and still we spend some time together". When we were really drunk at that party I actually was inviting her for something this week and she replied something like "take it easy, I really have to work". In fact she told me before she'll be extremely busy until July, and afterwards she's gonna have a looot of free time, but that's months away still...

 

Anyway, I don't want to push it too much neither to let the possible interest die at this stage (happened before way too many times to me), she's even been telling me she is gonna have to go out less now during the weekends to compensate on the work otherwise she'll feel bad with herself afterwards. I really hope this isn't a test since I do not deal very well with anxiety for too long.

 

Also I'm worried I may have wasted a perfectly good chance that first night... Hope I didn't give her the wrong impression or hurt her ego by not kissing her when the situation totally called for it.

 

I now know I may see her again this weekend casually since she RSVP's as "attending" to an event I'm going to as well (although she sometimes does it and does not show up).

 

You'll understand my questions and my anxiety over such an apparently "looking good" situation. After those two nights together there was such a chemistry and an incredible connection as I've never seen (not even with my previous girlfriend which I madly loved), I really think she could be THE one. We look perfect for each other on every point. I may as well (if I didn't already) fall very very very very badly for her.

 

I really don't want THIS one to even remotely be "the one who got away". I need this to be perfect.

 

So, any advice on the situation is welcome. Should I hang on (except for the invitation I already sent) and see when SHE wants to see me, or what? Am I doing the right thing? Thanks

[colosseum]

Also I'm worried I may have wasted a perfectly good chance that first night... Hope I didn't give her the wrong impression or hurt her ego by not kissing her when the situation totally called for it.

 

As for that above, I too wonder if you might have. But at least she got you the second dinner right?

 

I couldn't quite tell from your 2nd half of the post what exactly her interest level seemed to be after the 2nd date/party, but whether it's still high or dropping b/c you missed opportunities, I say you can't linger on this girl for too long. If she's giving you openings, chances, and if she's as good a gal as you make her out to be, then you have to take those openings and lock her down as yours b4 she goes running off to someone else. Any good person unless he/she is desperate can only give some1 so many chances...I'd say you don't have many more.

 

But I know you're concerned of pushing her away by pushing too hard on this, and since I'm not quite sure what the state of affairs is right now so I'd say it's tricky, but maybe you can make some kind of move this next party/gathering that you're both attending? Kiss her, do something! If not, don't linger too long--that will show her you're decisive and driven to get what you want too.

 

Just my 2 cents. Good luck to you, friend.

[era]

I NEED THIS TO BE PERFECT.

 

You need to go beyond the idea of succeeding and failing, for these are judgments.

 

Just slow down, and enjoy it all.

[Johnny80]

Thanks for the reply Colosseum!

 

As for your first remark, I should make clear it was only the second time I was with her in person (I found her through a social network and she doesn't have any pictures posted so I didn't know it was THAT girl) and that night at her place was first time ever we really had the time to talk and actually meet each other. She only gave me that one opening so far (was only one really obvious). She seems a completely different person at her place and outside of it.

 

The dinner was set for a week before that, so it was going to happen anyway unless she would've cancelled. The interest level at the dinner still seemed very high, we clicked the whole way through. The difference was the setting, we only had a glass of wine and we were sitting with a table in between. Given that, from the eye contact and general "feeling" I can tell her interest level is still very high (and not drunken high as in the night before). It may have also been an error if I had kissed her so early, anyway.

 

I actually feel exactly like you say, I want to lock this down as soon as possible. She's one of those persons that can't be "the one who got away". So tricky is really the thing... Also I am betting that trying to kiss her at the event would be a no no unless she actually gave me a VERY clear opening in there. From what I know of her she's quite reserved and wouldn't like doing it in a public place so either the chance will most probably have to be at one places, or somewhere else far away from indiscrete sights when we're alone.

 

I think the most far I can go on a public place for now as for your "or anything" is complimenting her or keep sending signs of interest. The kiss will most definitely have to be somewhere else where we can have some privacy, tricky will be to arrange it without seeming too obvious. She really gets some kind of social shield when she's out. While it does not totally affect me and people within her "bubble", it does shut out everyone else and send a very clear "get away" signal. I do believe this girl would not want to be kissed (at least for a first time) in public. This is a small city after all. There is a lot of gossip (and probably already is since we've been seen together for at least those three times).

 

Anyway in my invitation for dinner I also showed some amount of interest and subtle compliments and will be eagerly awaiting her reply, I should know by tomorrow. It really fits the situation, I think.

 

Also I should add we're not that young, we're both around our 30's, and she's older.

 

Thanks colosseum

[Johnny80]

You need to go beyond the idea of succeeding and failing, for these are judgments.

 

Just slow down, and enjoy it all.

 

I want it to happen, that's all. Even if it's not perfect. I really like the way things are now and believe me, I am enjoying it, and if it was up to only me it could take as long as it took. I am only afraid slowing down may let it burn out... That's my issue.

 

Thank you era!

[Johnny80]

Just a quick update on the invitation for dinner.

 

She answered she'd love but that she'll keep it in mind for later (hadn't any set date anyway). She says she needs to close down for a while now and really concentrate on her work because she knows if she doesn't she'll become cranky and impatient at people around her. She also played around a little saying she really wants to see how I do in the kitchen.

 

Overall the message had a "hang in there, I'd love to but I'll catch up with you soon, it's not the best time" feeling. I'm afraid the personal problem she told me about may be haunting her again (has nothing to do with ex's or anything of the matter).

 

Although it did dispirit me a little, I answered in a supportive way and looking forward to her availability. Some disappointment may have shown a little in my choice of words but nothing serious.

 

Last time she ignored or averted my suggestions in a similar manner she totally surprised me and totally compensated on it with her dinner invitation. So I'm hoping it's going the same way and it's more of a pattern than a setback.

[colosseum]

Hm...well too bad she put you on the back burner, but maybe she does have good reasons for doing it. The tone of disappointment is fine; that just shows her you care. And maybe you can offer her an ear/a shoulder if she needs some1 to talk to.

 

To be honest though, and I hate to say it, but I would at this point reconsider putting all my eggs in one basket. I'm not saying give up and start doubting everything she says, but I frankly wouldn't be totally surprised if this is her really nice way of saying: "M...I don't know about this." I WOULD be surprised from what I've heard so far, but I wouldn't be DEvastated if I were you.

 

Just asking you to guard your heart.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Thanks for the update, and keep us updated--I'd like to know.