newscs Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 my husband wants to be an avid swinger, wants to see me with other men and wants me to watch him with other women. I put my foot down after stupidly agreeing to his preversion for the last year. I found myself feeling used, cheap, rejected and lonely. A friend at work started to flirt with me which ended up in an affair. In 11 years of marriage I have never even come close to cheating but this was my way of getting some affection and to "get back" at my husband for hurting me so. But, of course, only I am the one who is hurting. My new lover only wants sex, no relationship, so again i feel used, cheap and rejected. What the HELL! How did this happen? For years I went from being the (not perfect) but near model wife & mother to becoming a swinger and having an affair! I dont understand why i've become so destructive. My husband tells me he doesnt want a divorce but I just cant live up to his expectations of a swinging lifestyle. It just tears me up inside.
imagine Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Swinging is one way of contaminating a relationship. Not only does it drag him down but you too. Get out. Try save your dignity.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Swinging in my book if one spouse doesnt agree with it, is sanctioned cheating. If you dont agree with it, then tel him so. and your not gonna solve anything in your marriage by boffing off another man, you resolve those issues on your own without a 3rd party!!!! You know better than that!!! If you dont want to be a swinger just tell him so. and if he doesnt listen then go see a divorce lawyer and tell him either he stops or you file, right now isnt the time to be timid. Own up to it. and do the right thing.
chrissreef Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 It doesn't matter what he wants when it comes to something like this, it's what you want. Filing isn't his choice, it's yours. "tell him either he stops or you file" if only my fiancee did that rather than randomly say one day while watching tv that she wasn't happy (didn't say what she wasn't happy with our relationship, all she said was "i'm not happy"), and then a month later leave. key word is "leave" - if you're not direct like that, he WON'T get it. Don't sugar coat it. Guys aren't mind readers and we don't get "clues"
edgeof27 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 my husband wants to be an avid swinger, wants to see me with other men and wants me to watch him with other women. I put my foot down after stupidly agreeing to his preversion for the last year. I found myself feeling used, cheap, rejected and lonely. A friend at work started to flirt with me which ended up in an affair. In 11 years of marriage I have never even come close to cheating but this was my way of getting some affection and to "get back" at my husband for hurting me so. But, of course, only I am the one who is hurting. My new lover only wants sex, no relationship, so again i feel used, cheap and rejected. What the HELL! How did this happen? For years I went from being the (not perfect) but near model wife & mother to becoming a swinger and having an affair! I dont understand why i've become so destructive. My husband tells me he doesnt want a divorce but I just cant live up to his expectations of a swinging lifestyle. It just tears me up inside. somewhere between him suggesting that you both become swingers, &, you realizing that swinging was not your cup of "whatever", your relationship crossed that line where niether of you will be happy about the eventual final state of "affairs", you don't want to swing, &, he does, niether of you will actually / truely change your position on this, it's over, get out, &, save yourself, &, your dignity from further abuse.... g....
Author newscs Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Thank you, and everyone else, for your posts. You are absolutely right. He says he will give it up (like he has said about 4 times before) but I know it will sneak back into our lives again. Just like the internet porn issues we had early in our marriage. He gave it up for a few months then back at it again. I know this is a deep desire he has and it hurts because I know I cant compete with that. No matter how much I love him or how good of a husband he is in other ways I cant compete with what he needs. I figure I just need to stop spinning my wheels and accept him for what and who he is and allow him to live his lifestyle, but without me. Its not fair to either of us to be in a relationship where we are not being fullfulled or having to compromise our integrity. I feel horrible about this affair I had and with the rejection I feel on that end and still feeling rejection because my husband wants other women I feel like a complete and utter basket case. This is not a good situation. Has anyone had similar situation?
Gunny376 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I'm a sharing and giving type guy? But there ARE just somethings I just don't share! Time to get to "steppin'"
imagine Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Your husband has shown enormous disrespect for you. Get out.
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