mm4184 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Hey everyone, haven't posted for awhile because I thought avoiding this and everything that might remind me of him would help. It kind of did for awhile. Then, this past weekend I ran into him. We broke up in September last year but stopped seeing each other really this January. 6 months just sounds like such a long time to feel like this but I can honestly say I have gotten better somewhat. I don't mope around in my room and cry all day. I get up and do things, but my problem is that he is STILL in my head. I saw him this weekend at a mutual friend's birthday and it was all small talk and jokes but nothing more. We all had dinner and went to a club after where we stayed away from each other the whole time. Then I made the mistake of getting a little too drunk and drunk dialing him. Thank God he didn't answer because who knows what I would have said. He just texted me the next morning that he knocked out (which I think he was lying because we went to an after hours party and I saw a picture of him there too) and just asked if I made it home safe. I texted him back that I was sorry I didn't know I called/texted him and that I made it home and hope he did too and that was it. It's not much, but that little interaction just made me start thinking again and I'm just confused. I know everyone heals at their own pace, but 6 months post breakup I want to be over it I guess it's really only like 2 months since we stopped really in January. I just don't understand how we loved each other so much... and now it's so normal for him to just keep the NC, like it doesn't matter. To me it does help of course, but I can't help but wish he thought about me and missed me like I did. Seeing him just erased all the hate and pain I thought I had and made me all jittery all over again. I HATE hoping that in the future things might work out, but I can't get it out of my mind. I go out with my friends and do things to keep me busy, but I can't get him out of my brain Please help! I just want to be over this already! I just feel like I'm at a standstill where I can't get any better but I'm also not getting too worse. I've been thinking of moving to a different city because we have the same circle of friends and interests, but I'm scared to leave everything I know... but then again, maybe I need a change and work in a different area for awhile... Any advice? I hope everyone gets better... this is not a good feeling.
playlislay Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Oh dear, I had this problem to. My ex broke up with me late dec, we go to the same uni so I had a constant reminder of the man that I love but cant have. I spent 2 whole months being a depressed wreck. But for the first 3 weeks of march I was actually feeling a whole lot better. Him ignoring me helped stir up negativity towards him and I didnt have to stare into his beautiful blue eyes (which ultimately makes me fall in love with him again). But last week he actually made the "effort" for small talk and dint mind being around me. Well that was it, my feelings were back! I feel like Ive gone back 20 bloody steps. Its awful. I keep crying over how much I miss him. Im still so in love with this man, its beyond a joke! I think 'out of sight, out of mind' is a great route and Im bloody glad that this week is my last week of uni and i will never have to see him again!!! Dont get me wrong, I am upset by this but seeing him just kills me and I dont want to die. Good luck x
Rogue52 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 If you ran into an ex this soon at a party, I don't know how it couldn't set you back.
lost85 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Well, im in the same situation as you. You wonder to yourself how can he not care all of a sudden and not fight the urge to call you? I'm fighting the urge everyday. Everyday, i have to remind myself that if he wanted me in his life, he would call. He told me after we hooked up 3 weeks ago that he wanted to give me space to really get over it and that he's not ready to go out with me again. I have had no contact since from him and I still miss him. I also agree that NC is good, but I want him to care about me. I really am lost regarding all of this...NC is really good but you can't help but wonder. The sad thing is, he's probably going to find someone to love him while I keep wishing on a dream that will never come true. You can't break NC!!! And neither can I....we'll most likely regret it after we do it. Cos at the end of the day, they are fine without us. So we should strive to do the same without them!!! Maybe you'll never truly get over them, but YOUR life has to go on. Good luck!
Author mm4184 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I totally understand. I want him to care about me and I want him to want me, but... if he did, he'd call. THEN, I make excuses FOR him and say he's not that kind of person because he was never an open person and it takes a lot for him to ever say anything etc. Ahh, this is such a mess! I just want to be over him! I want to stop being jealous when I hear that he's "friends" with a girl I know and to stop thinking of him flirting with other people! I want to NOT care when I see him around just how he seems to not be phased by being around me anymore! I want to not be hurt that it's all "hi" and small talk (if ever) and that's all I get after 3 years of being best friends/lovers. But everything I want just doesn't happen. I feel like I'm just at a standstill. Not as horrible as I was when we first broke up, but I'm not happy either. I tried different things to get my mind off him, but he still lingers in the back of it. WHY!! I hate this feeling... but I just can't get myself to hate HIM.
lost85 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I feel the same way as you...you want them to care but they show no feelings.. nothing. I wonder to myself where it all went? Where did the love and attraction go? I think about him all day and Im better than when we first broke up but like you said Im not happy either. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!! I wish someone would tell us what happens now. I daydream of him calling me coffee or something. I miss him too. But he wont call me, maybe he is trying to move on too after our hook up. I don't know. It sucks, thats all there is to it. I cant wait around for him I guess, if someone who cares about me comes along, I'm getting on the ride. It will have to be his loss. Maybe you have to accept the hurt and learn to live with it?
Author mm4184 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 I think that MAYBE if we didn't hook up after we broke up, I might be in a better place. Because although he did want the break up, HE was the one who came back and started talking to me, telling me he missed me, trying to find out how I was through my friends, texting me, etc. And then after hooking up a few times in the next couple of months, he told me he felt like how he felt when we were breaking up and that's not what he wanted. Also, things got really messed up, trust issues, all that crap happened during us seeing each other again. But then again, I can't do anything about what's already happened. Like you, I daydream. I wonder what if this or if only that. Like, maybe in a year if he hasn't seen me and I look way better or he hears that I'm doing something great, he'll want me back. But WHY do I want him to want me back when although he never hurt me intentionally, he did put me through all of THIS. And why would I want to ever go through this again? I guess that's just how love is. Sucks when it's one sided. And it really does suck when you think about ALL the good times and everything you've shared and then now it's just NOTHING. Like HOW can that just go away? How can all that passion, that love, all the memories, ties with everyone, how does it just disappear or just seem like it's A-okay for him? I hate it. I really do. And I just wish whoever I'm supposed to end up with would come around already. I feel like although people say you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy with anyone else, it HELPS when you're dating someone you really like because it can help you eventually get your mind out of it. But my problem is, there's guys that will try, but I end up comparing them and then I just don't like them! BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIM. Ugh, someone please just tell me what to do to get over this heartache!
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