Konfuzion Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I am so heated right now, I am shaking all over, and I feel like I am going to puke. Short back ground info, skip it if you want. The ex and I broke up in September after a four year relationship, what has made things extremely hard is that I am a single custodial Father and my childrens Mother is out of the picture completely. My kids have basically adopted my ex as "Mom" so with that in mind me and the ex have been back and forth as to weather we can salvage the relationship all the while we are still living together. We started seeing a counselor together and things seemed to be going well. The plan was for me and the ex to move apart to give her some space and freedom and for us to date and see how things went from there. Fast forward to recent goings on. So about a month ago my ex flew to D.C to visit her gay best friend and too also get together with some other people she knows that live there, well one of those people happens to be a guy that has had a crush on her for 12 years long story short they hooked up (I dont know exactly what "hooking up" involved but whatever). So after this encounter at our next counceling appointment she tells me she no longer wants to try anymore, she wants me and the kids to move out and she wants to be involved in the kids life. I am actually ok with this, I am tired of trying. So I am curently in the process of looking for a house to buy. Keep in mind this is like a divorce everything we have is shared or joint, so me moving and us deviding everything is taking some time. My target goal to be out is April 15th - May 1st. So on Sunday my ex asks me if I would mind her flying out in 2 weeks to visit this guy, to which I told her I dont need this crap rubbed in my face right now and that I wish I could be ok with it but I am not. I went on to tell her I am under a ton of stress right now with everything that is going on and that I would apriciate it if she waited the 4-6 weeks till I am gone to go flying around the country to see this guy. Her responce was basically that she doesnt want to put her life on hold for me anymore and that I dont appriciate everything that she has done for me and blah blah blah. I told her I am reaching my boiling point and that it is taking every ounce of my being to tolerate all of the txting the two of them are doing, and to please be a little considerate and to wait untill I move. (She knows damn well what me reaching my boiling point intails its me doing something very irrational that normally involves me causeing major bodily pain to someone) (and just an FYI I would never strike a woman, just for the record). Anyway I dont want this to happen, I have been working on my anger issues for a long time but I still have not got past the point where when I get really angry that I see red and lose control. Anyway I thought this conversation was over and then she brought it up again the following day and then again today. I am really starting to lose my cool and I dont want too. I am at the point where I am about to call this guy and tell him to back the hell off, or to fly here to see her and me and him can settle it here. I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!! I would love any advice or feed back, if this post makes no scence I wouldnt be surprised my head is killing me, I think my blood pressure is way up and I am having trouble seeing / thinking clearly. I was hoping posting this would help, but it didnt... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Bleeve Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Let her go. 2 weeks without her texting all the time and 2 weeks your kids don't have to see the 2 of you not getting along. Take those 2 weeks and get whatever you need done and in order to make the move easier. Just my 2 cents
Author Konfuzion Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Let her go. 2 weeks without her texting all the time and 2 weeks your kids don't have to see the 2 of you not getting along. Take those 2 weeks and get whatever you need done and in order to make the move easier. Just my 2 cents Really good advice, minus the fact that I would loose control. I already cant get off the couch and I am sleeping all the time. I cant do it....
monkeymaid Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 you said you cant handle it. ...its time to take your kids and leave. brutally honest words for you as you have given me. she is not your kids mother, she is not your girlfriend anymore, and you are both sick of trying. let her go to dc. in those 2 weeks, move all of your stuff out and begin your road to happiness. dontlet her nearyour children. it might hurt them for abit, but how f'd up is it going to be when they see their pseudo mom with another man and in and out of their lives intermittantly until she doesnt want to be anymore. what kind of example is thate setting for their future relationships? your anger issues stem from you letting her actions affect your mood. ifyou can control your anger, i thnk you might be sitting pretty
Author Konfuzion Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 you said you cant handle it. ...its time to take your kids and leave. brutally honest words for you as you have given me. she is not your kids mother, she is not your girlfriend anymore, and you are both sick of trying. let her go to dc. in those 2 weeks, move all of your stuff out and begin your road to happiness. dontlet her nearyour children. it might hurt them for abit, but how f'd up is it going to be when they see their pseudo mom with another man and in and out of their lives intermittantly until she doesnt want to be anymore. what kind of example is thate setting for their future relationships? your anger issues stem from you letting her actions affect your mood. ifyou can control your anger, i thnk you might be sitting pretty I guess I didnt draw a good enough picture but she is planning on being active in the kids lives, not in and out. Which I do not have any problem with, she has been a great Mother to them. And me moving out in two weeks just isnt and option, if I had family near by I could stay with I would and just pack all my stuff into storage but that isnt an option. I guess I didnt say is I need to secure child care as well which is proving to be difficult because I work 12 hour night shifts So I need childcare for about 15 hours a day, I know the right person will come along but so far they have not. It also isnt unheard of for me to work 80+ hours a week, anyway I just need to find a little single old lady with nothing but time on her hands or something.
Author Konfuzion Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Well, I told her to go. I hope I can handle it... I also found a house to buy today, so things are looking up.
Bleeve Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Well, I told her to go. I hope I can handle it... I also found a house to buy today, so things are looking up. Congrats and good luck!
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