conehead Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I've read here before that the shorter distance LDRs actually have a harder time than the longer distance LDRs. I really wish this would not be the case but now I wonder... I'm currently in an LDR where we are a 1 hour plane ride away (Driving would be 7+ hours which is too long to drive). People think 'oh you're so lucky you get to see each other every wknd and blah blah....' But it kind of feels like since we are close enough to see each other every weekend, we end up spending $150-200 in flight and flight-related expenses to see each other every time, not to mention the 8-10 hours spent at the airport alone for each visit. It almost seems like it takes MUCH more effort/money than say if we were further away from each other and can only see each other once a month to a few times a year. I fear that if either one of us loses our jobs in this bad economy than the relationship will be over because we wouldn't be able to afford the high costs of this LDR. I feel like if we were only say a 2-3 hour car ride away from each other then things will be better. But it feels like we're stuck in a semi-LDR where we are having to put in much more effort than say a super short (2-3 hour car ride) or a super long distance LDR. Almost feels like we have it the worst of all LDRs. I know it sounds self-centered but I remember someone posting about this. What really are the chances of this working out? Anyone have additional thoughts?
UKtom Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 i believe that it all depends on the chemistry and personalities of you both.if you are really good together and you mean enough to each other you will prosper. i was with someone for 2 years without ever meeting them, the only reason we are not now is because i had to finish it from the amount it affected my mood, made me be paranoid all the time. i love her and i have a feeling we will meet some day. but i am not in an LDR that is of a few hours in a car or a short plane trip, mine is from england to italy, a few thousand miles. i can imagine ho being close enough to meet as yourselves is great at first. but then the reality of money and how it will change your life will hit you. i say it has pros and cons, pros you actually get to see each other on a regular basis and you are never too far away. cons are of money and time and fitting it into your life. i wis you all the best with this relationship, all i can say is if you two are really close and you think they are very special and important to you, you will be together.
JaydaLeah Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 My SO and i are in a relatively shorter LDR too - 1.5 hrs by flight. And while it still takes half a day to get to him with check ins and stuff, i'd still prefer being nearer than further. We visit each other only once every 3 mths coz it still cost about $300 for each visit. Nonetheless, the time difference helps too - the further away you are, the more difference in time. I imagine having to spend more on air ticks.. that means lesser visiting... prob once every 6mths only?? Gosh... nah... the nearer, the better!
Author conehead Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Wow, you visit each other ONLY once every 3 months? How did you two come to this agreement and how long have you been dating him? I'd be happy seeing my SO once every 2 wks but he would be unhappy with that. He wants it 2 out of 3 weekends.
oasis_02 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I'd rather be nearer than farther. I have to take a plane ride from LA to Buffalo, cross the border, take a bus to Toronto, and take a 3 hour train ride. It's been 6 months since my last trip up there, so yeh nearer is better than farther in my opinion
Els Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 The thing about short-distance is that you can CHOOSE. Long-distance couples don't have this luxury. For instance, if money is an issue, you can see each other less often. If you're really that tight, then consider only visiting as many times as it would take to add up to the cost of one long-distance international flight. It's your choice in the end. You can see each other every week, or every month, or every few months. When you're long distance, you don't get to choose. And often that one trip costs as much as 5 or 6 of the short-distance local trips, so you spend equally much anyway. You just get to see each other less often. I'd give an arm and a leg to have my SO back to a five-hour drive away from me, the way he was during the summer. Seriously.
KikiW Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 It takes a half day (prep and flight times) for my LDR and I to see each other and the flight costs about $300-400 depending on prices. We see each other about every 2 months. Almost every weekend is a LOT of money spent on travel. I realize 7 hours may seem like a long time, but can you (well, HE, since he is the one so hot to see you all the time) make a road-trip out of it every once in a while instead of flying? Pack $20 worth of snacks, plus the cost of gas and you're only spending a quarter of what you might on plane fare. And you might be surprised how relaxing a road trip can be - especially if the other is waiting to give a massage at the end of it
Island Girl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I've read here before that the shorter distance LDRs actually have a harder time than the longer distance LDRs. I really wish this would not be the case but now I wonder... Really? You've read that? That shorter distance LDRs are harder. Hmmm. I think anyone that says they have a harder time than another should really reevaluate the way they are perceiving their own situation. Read about some of the other circumstances. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes. We are all in difficult circumstances in our LDRs. I'm currently in an LDR where we are a 1 hour plane ride away (Driving would be 7+ hours which is too long to drive). People think 'oh you're so lucky you get to see each other every wknd and blah blah....' Yep. Blah blah blah. Your situation is obviously much more difficult than they'd think, right? And now we can all look forward to an explanation of why that is so... But it kind of feels like since we are close enough to see each other every weekend, we end up spending $150-200 in flight and flight-related expenses to see each other every time, not to mention the 8-10 hours spent at the airport alone for each visit. It almost seems like it takes MUCH more effort/money than say if we were further away from each other and can only see each other once a month to a few times a year. And here it is. Yeah. You put in a lot more effort than those of us who hang on without any time together. Without that burdensome luxury of seeing each other so often. Because seeing each other less often is easier. We don't have to waste 8-10 hours at airports. All of that time is much easier when it is spent alone and longing for your SO. And you're right. Monetarily I am in a much better place than if I HAD to spend $150-200 to see each other. Thank goodness you posted this. I am so fortunate that a trip to see my SO is only about $3000.00 and 22 hours of travel. It only costs $1.77 a minute to talk to him. And we don't have that nagging expectancy of internet communication -- since he doesn't have a computer. What a weight off my shoulders! You've allowed me to see how easy my circumstances have been. I fear that if either one of us loses our jobs in this bad economy than the relationship will be over because we wouldn't be able to afford the high costs of this LDR. Why would it be over? Wouldn't that just put you on easy street like the rest of us? Not able to see each other very often and just stepping back on the effort? I mean, according to you, it is waaaaaaaaay easier to not see each other and just accept the distance and time in between. Why on Earth would making things easier spell the end of your relationship? I feel like if we were only say a 2-3 hour car ride away from each other then things will be better. But it feels like we're stuck in a semi-LDR where we are having to put in much more effort than say a super short (2-3 hour car ride) or a super long distance LDR. Absolutely. You have to put in a lot more effort than those of us in extreme LDRs. I really have to do nothing at all. Our relationship just maintains itself. We are that far away. We just stay together without having to try at all. It's fantastic. It takes no effort. It isn't a bother in the slightest. And it certainly doesn't cost very much at all. You are so right. Just like those that are only a couple of hours away. I mean really they have nothing at all to complain about. Their relationships are incredibly easy. Ah I feel blessed. Almost feels like we have it the worst of all LDRs. I know it sounds self-centered but I remember someone posting about this. What really are the chances of this working out? Anyone have additional thoughts? Well, according to you -- you are in the toughest position right now. Seeing each other so regularly and putting in all that effort and money. Yet you have stayed together. So if the time you see each other is reduced - and you aren't spending all that time, effort, and money - it just gets easier, right? So why wouldn't it work out if suddenly you were put in the same position a lot of us are in? We have it easier than you do. So of course if you lose your jobs and can't see each other that just is more of a guarantee that your relationship will work out. Then you'll just be like all the rest of us. On easy street.
Rollercoasterr Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I was completely and totally thinking the same thing, Island Girl. I may just not even get married and move him here to me. Then it'd be too hard. Right now it's easy peasy and just like eating a piece of cake. Just keep em' far away, dont wanna ruin the relationship or nothing!
Island Girl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I was completely and totally thinking the same thing, Island Girl. I may just not even get married and move him here to me. Then it'd be too hard. Right now it's easy peasy and just like eating a piece of cake. Just keep em' far away, dont wanna ruin the relationship or nothing! In fact -- you just saw him -- so you should actually move him further away. I mean now that you are engaged - the further away the better! It means it'll be easy for the two of you to stay together forever!
Nicodaemos Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 ok, real simple. This involves math, so anyone adverse to that, please leave. Problem--you say 7 hour car drive is too far, yet waiting in the terminal for 8 or more hours in the terminal is terrible too. Solution-- drive. you spend less time at it. 7 is less than 8 or more. Problem--- 150 - 200 flight cost. (estimated car economy, 25mpg. est fuel cost $2 per gallon. travelling @70mph, for 7 hours. total distance 490 miles. total gallons used per trip 20. cost for fuel. $40.) Solution--- Drive!! and spend a little time putting thought to alterniive methods. Extra bonus.--- cars dont require you to take off your shoes. Total cost per weekend---$80. Final Solution------ *drumroll* "Survey says!!" Drive also, if your relationship is so dependant on being able to see each other so often, you two really need to sit down, and talk. Get some depth in there. I can also factor in abstract cost, such as, tire wear, oil changes, other general maintenence issues that arrive after a half a couple years, damage to the roadway, and est # of bug lives ended if needed. heh
Rollercoasterr Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I've been wondering why they didn't just do this all along. Hell, if my fiance can drive 15 hours to see me like he did this last time, 7 hours is nothing. It's seems pretty stupid to me to spend $200 to fly when you could spend 80, be there sooner, AND not have to take off your shoes like was pointed out. Seesh people, why you gotta make this crap so complicated. Just drive. It's not like you're seperated by an ocean or anything.
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