carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 No need to be sexual yet, right? After all, it's only a month and you barely know him. Get out BOB and take care of yourself and remain detached for now.
redant Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 You sound very excited. I don't think anyone can deter you. Expect the worst and hope for the best.
Touche Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 No need to be sexual yet, right? After all, it's only a month and you barely know him. Get out BOB and take care of yourself and remain detached for now. BOB? Who is Bob? Also, just me said they're having sex tomorrow. Oh, oh.
Shygirl15 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 You're damn right you'll get hurt. Separated men are so unpredictable.
cat-power Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 been there...when I was 23 I dated a guy that was 32 and going thru divorce. Made him chase me for 5 months, because I didn't trust him not to go back to his ex...and kids. After many reassurances and desperate efforts on his side I finally gave in, it was a nice 6 months, and no he didn't go back to his ex, but as the divorce papers came thru, he did go to every slut in the city that would take him in for 1 night:laugh: I am now 37....and after all this time, and him getting married recently (I know because he married a controversial woman in our dutch parlement) he contacts me ! appologising for all the pain he caused me..... Too little too late...he crushed me back then, and wants me to clear his guilt now- f. him !
chrissreef Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Touche - I don't want to hijack this thread but I don't know how to message someone specifically on this site. Happen to know anyone 24 that dated 36? If so, how'd that work? (sort of trying to hold onto hope, but also trying to understand the dynamics. I'm a 28M mature/educated and I don't see how I could date a 36F, but maybe things are different when the sexes are switched?
Author justme2781 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 there is not one person who thinks its a godo idea?? my darn naivity to this type of situation might be bad!!!
Touche Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Touche - I don't want to hijack this thread but I don't know how to message someone specifically on this site. Happen to know anyone 24 that dated 36? If so, how'd that work? (sort of trying to hold onto hope, but also trying to understand the dynamics. I'm a 28M mature/educated and I don't see how I could date a 36F, but maybe things are different when the sexes are switched? Chris, you're probably to new to have PM access yet. Feel free to post on my latest thread. Give me some more details ok? Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181961/
Author justme2781 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 i think an adult who is single can get along with most other single aduults, especially with no kids or never married. it all depends on chemistry, mormally that corrolates sometimes with age but sometimes it doesnt.
Author justme2781 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 what are good questions to ask my guy without scaring him off or being too intrusive???
Touche Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 what are good questions to ask my guy without scaring him off or being too intrusive??? Questions as far as what? Also, if you're scared to ask him stuff and are scared of scaring him off, in my opinion it's too early to have sex with him.
Author justme2781 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 questions about what he is looking for i guess. i never usually ask, but because this is a new situation i sort of need to know.
Touche Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 questions about what he is looking for i guess. i never usually ask, but because this is a new situation i sort of need to know. I urge you to not sleep with him yet. Just talk to him. I was still separated when my H and I got engaged. Ask him if he's looking just for fun or is he looking for a serious relationship. There's no beating around the bush. You have to be up front. The thing is that my H asked me all those questions too and I told him I was NOT ready for anything serious as the divorce wasn't even through. But as I got to know him, I changed my mind big time. He was everything I had always wanted in a man. I guess my point is that right now, he's probably not even sure about what he wants. But at least talk to him and ask him and see what he says.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Touche...BOB is "battery operated boyfriend" Not something you have to worry about
Touche Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Touche...BOB is "battery operated boyfriend" Not something you have to worry about Ahhhh, ok. Not up on the lingo. NOW, your post makes sense.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 questions about what he is looking for i guess. i never usually ask, but because this is a new situation i sort of need to know. IMO, a really good question to ask would be "Looking back on your marriage, what would you have done differently? Why?" For me, I know I would've gotten my ass into MC much earlier.
JerseyShortie Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 i wasnt ignoring your advice, but i guess i just kind of want to hear something elese!! lol i do appreciate it though. we might just have fun for a while who knows. but i just want to know what i might be getting into I think itsounds like you want to hear something none of us can tell you. Are you really looking for advice or for support for your choices? I guess we could offer either. what are good questions to ask my guy without scaring him off or being too intrusive??? You are more worried about his needs then your own. He isn't going to be looking out for you at this point. You have to do it yourself. If this is your thought process I fear that you will get walked all over.
Touche Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I think itsounds like you want to hear something none of us can tell you. Are you really looking for advice or for support for your choices? I guess we could offer either. You are more worried about his needs then your own. He isn't going to be looking out for you at this point. You have to do it yourself. If this is your thought process I fear that you will get walked all over. Sooooo true. Yep.
Author justme2781 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 ok so I asked him. he is getting divorced this year, or so his separation agreements says. he said neither of them plan on reconciliation and she has been dating someone seriously for months. they actually take vacations with their kids toghether. ehk. sensitive huh? so i think he is being honest. i do want advice and i want to know what other peoples experience is so i can make an informed decision.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Date him for another month without sex and get back to us
Author justme2781 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 ok carhill i will try my very hardest!
clv0116 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 his oldest is 11 so i am 17 years older than him, so we are equal in the age dif between the kids and him. i liek him a lot we talk every day all day!! lol i just dont even want to start something if it is useless. blah!! anyone in this type of a relationship?? I am. I think it's great if the two people are compatible, but you're probably gonna get a lot of naysayers who can't stand the idea of an old(er) man finding happiness with a younger woman. I'd not worry about the divorce, these things just take time to finish.
Touche Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 ok so I asked him. he is getting divorced this year, or so his separation agreements says. he said neither of them plan on reconciliation and she has been dating someone seriously for months. they actually take vacations with their kids toghether. ehk. sensitive huh? so i think he is being honest. i do want advice and i want to know what other peoples experience is so i can make an informed decision. Whoa! Hold the phone! Let me get this straight...he takes vacations with his ex and her b/f? Or just him and the ex? Something is rotten in Denmark.
JerseyShortie Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Date him for another month without sex and get back to us I agree with this. I am. I think it's great if the two people are compatible, but you're probably gonna get a lot of naysayers who can't stand the idea of an old(er) man finding happiness with a younger woman. I'd not worry about the divorce, these things just take time to finish Your dating a seperated women who is 17 years older then you with kids? Good for you. You're evovling. I digress. This isn't about his age. It's about the fact that he is only seperated and has children and isn't clear on his intentions.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Also, so I'm clear OP, I'm not saying wait a month before you have sex with him. There's a saying I like to use in situations like this and it's simple: "Time reveals all truths" IMO, in this situation, it's crucial to determine whether he's emotionally detached and a clear way to do that is to keep sex off the table for now. If you don't, the budding romance will begin to revolve around sex and those other really important issues which need to be discussed and resolved will be far easier to dismiss or, conversely, more difficult to bring up. Caveat: If you have had no issues with FWB-type relationships in the past and can enjoy sex without emotional involvement or attachment, then remain detached and have sex with him. I personally wouldn't recommend it, but I've heard an open mind is a positive quality to have Let his actions guide you. Actions rarely lie.
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