Aprill Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I need a thread to vent my feelings into. My boyfriend/fiance decided last Friday to take off his ring, change his email account passwords and generally be mean. He's been blowing up at my 2 kids ages 5 and 8 (from my prior marriage) on a daily basis and knit picking EVERYTHING they or I do. Nothing in the past few months makes him happy or is "right". I've gone from being wanted to being a burden in his home. But then he alternates with loving gestures like taking us out to a restaurant to eat, watching movies together, even yesterday he and I talked about future plans like customizing a pick up truck (manly project but hey I want to be interested in things he wants to do too.) He wanted to co-sign on an auto loan on Saturday. I'm so confused. It feels like he's teetering on polar opposite ends of the spectrum of relationship/no relationship and it's killing me. (We are having sex still) We have a 9 month old baby together and he wants to live in the same home (since he can't afford his mortgage if he has to pay child support) and I can't afford an apartment on my own...let alone childcare, groceries etc. (My ex hubby is a deadbeat when it comes to $). He says he can't stand my kids, that he needs some space, that he wants to ask us to leave but then offered to allow us to live together for all of our financial reasons. That seems like such an oxy-moron to me. I can't stand your kids, we don't get along, I don't want to live with you but you and your kids can live here..permanently?! I hope from the deepest part of my soul that this is a temporary blip in our relationship...I've cried enough tears to drown myself. I'm completely lost at the thought of breaking up or separation. We've only had one discussion about this, and that pretty much entailed him stating that all we do is argue and that he can't stand my kids and he doesn't want to get married anymore because he doesn't want to be "stuck" with my kids the rest of his life. I want to know his true feeling about this relationship and it's future, but I don't know if he will give them to me. In the mean time, while we still do live together, I don't know how to act or what sort of plans to make or not make? We've been together for 2 years. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to live with someone that I still love, but who doesn't necessarily want anything to do with me while he figures out what he wants? I know from prior experience that it takes 2 people to make the relationship work and I don't think he has any intentions of making any more efforts. Any moral support/idea/questions are greatly appreciated, I need help coping right now.
Lizzie60 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I find this .. very pathetic... How can you sacrifice your kids for the love of this jerk.. really... He told you many times that he hates your kid.. and yet.. you are still wondering about HIS future plans.. what about the future of YOUR kids? What about them? they didn't ask to be in the middle of this mess. 'We've only had one discussion about this, and that pretty much entailed him stating that all we do is argue and that he can't stand my kids and he doesn't want to get married anymore because he doesn't want to be "stuck" with my kids the rest of his life.' :sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick: 'I want to know his true feeling about this relationship and it's future, but I don't know if he will give them to me. ' Who cares about this jerk.. why do you care more about this jerk's future than your own children's future.. "In the mean time, while we still do live together, I don't know how to act or what sort of plans to make or not make? We've been together for 2 years. I don't know what to do. ' Really????? 'How am I supposed to live with someone that I still love, but who doesn't necessarily want anything to do with me while he figures out what he wants?' So.. you're saying you love this jerk more than you love your own children.. 'I know from prior experience that it takes 2 people to make the relationship work and I don't think he has any intentions of making any more efforts.' Then... what are you waiting for???? Geeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz some women sometimes.. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Citizen Erased Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I'm with Lizzie on this. It hurts like hell to have a parent choose their relationship (which isn't even a very good one) with someone that hates you over your emotional well-being. They should always be your first priority, not this douche.
clv0116 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 "My children are my first priority" is the number one reason to avoid an LTR with a single mom. I feel sorry for everyone involved.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 He actually said to you, he doesnt want to be stuck with your kids for the rest of his life? And you didnt slap him? This man sounds completely immature, please take care of your children and don't worry about this MAN....things can only get worse, and your children come first period.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 "My children are my first priority" is the number one reason to avoid an LTR with a single mom. I feel sorry for everyone involved. You're entitled to your opinion to whom you want to date, but dont hate on single moms. Im a single mom, and my children absolutely come first and all the guys I have dated told me if my kids didnt come first they woule be alarmed and they are attracted to me because I am a great mother and take great care of my children.
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 To the OP.. men come and go.. children stay... they are with you all your life.. don't forget that.. you need to take care of THEM first.. then YOU.. If your children are happy.. you'll be happier.. This guy's a depiscable jerk... kick him to the curb...
Author Aprill Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 I care about our child's future and living in a two parent home! We are (were?) engaged to be married.... Leaving means all my kids living a life of poverty (homeless shelter for now) or living with him (one of my child's father...) Relationships are complicated and I am trying to put my children first...having a roof over their heads, food to eat, clothes to wear...all important enough to work through some nasty comments made wfen angry...
clv0116 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 You're entitled to your opinion to whom you want to date, but dont hate on single moms. Im a single mom, and my children absolutely come first .... I don't hate single moms, I do hate that screwed up attitude. The losers who praised you for it were either blowing smoke up your ass or ignorant. What lesson does it teach your kids if they see that sort of relationship between their parental role models?
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I care about our child's future and living in a two parent home! We are (were?) engaged to be married.... Leaving means all my kids living a life of poverty (homeless shelter for now) or living with him (one of my child's father...) Relationships are complicated and I am trying to put my children first...having a roof over their heads, food to eat, clothes to wear...all important enough to work through some nasty comments made wfen angry... I got that.. (father of one of your children).. but he's still an immature, selfish jerk for not accepting YOUR children.. How can he be a good father if he can't stand YOUR own children.. children are children.. they are innocent little creatures who didn't ask to be in the middle of your love' mess. It's not all to put a roof over their heads, food, clothes.. what's all that good for if they're miserable and feeling hated by their step dad.. and not supported by their mother.. Sorry.. but I will never agree how you're putting this jerk's happiness BEFORE your own children.. he's not worth it.. he's certainly not worth your children..
Touche Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Stand up for yourself and tell him you don't want to hear it. He's already made his choice when he decided to have a child with you. You're a package a deal. You and your kids. Otherwise what are your choices? Stay and accept his nonsense and let him treat you and your kids worse and worse...or leave. Also, you should not let your ex get away with not paying his share of the support for his kids. Pursue that. Maybe your fiance won't resent your kids so much if he didn't have to pick up the slack for your deadbeat ex.
SRV Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 The writing is on the wall from his part. You seriously need to get your ducks in a row so that you can provide for your kids in future, without depending on a "soon-to-be" stepdad if ever faced with a situation like the one that you are encountering. Where is the dad to the two kids? Follow-up and get child support for your kids, maybe this is one of the reasons he feels resentful at the moment. Why would you even want to be with a man that will not embrace your other kids? This right here is a recipe for disaster, it will not get better. Worst case you are setting up your kids for a miserable life of neglect and abuse, he alreay is by blowing up at them. He will end up resenting you and he has already shown you that he does not embrace your kids from your prior marriage.
SRV Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 He actually said to you, he doesnt want to be stuck with your kids for the rest of his life? And you didnt slap him? This man sounds completely immature, please take care of your children and don't worry about this MAN....things can only get worse, and your children come first period. It might sound immature, but at least he is being honest now instead of outright abandoning them on the drop of a dime. She has to take him at his word and start moving on. Put herself in a postition whereby she does not have to depend on another man to take care of her children from prior relationships and maybe stop having more kids until she is in a better financial situation.
theBrokenMuse Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I don't hate single moms, I do hate that screwed up attitude. The losers who praised you for it were either blowing smoke up your ass or ignorant. What lesson does it teach your kids if they see that sort of relationship between their parental role models? Says the person who has no kids.
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