awesomeallalone Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My mind is playing games with me.... after two months of NC im starting to feel the need to break it..... its so dumb that I would even want to do that. im trying to rationalize my reasons.... but its just me trying to fill the void. I miss him so much. I have been trying my best to get by...this is the hardest thing I have ever done or tried to do. I dream of him all the time and think of him every second of my day. I keep telling myself that this pain will pass and I'll be okay... but the more the days seem to pass the more pain I feel..... im so not over this or even close to being over it. my need to contact him is purely to make the pain stop if only for just one second. I keep fighting with myself. logically I know if I contact him I will end up worse, but the emotional part of me just wants to do it to make it stop. all I really want is for this pain to stop. I just don’t know how. im scared and alone. I cant even talk to my friends anymore. I don’t have a good time when I go out, im depressed all the time and im becoming this person I don’t even know anymore.
Marina09 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Hi! Let me tell you first than I'm going through a similar situation. I know it's not easy, I miss every part of him, his smile, his eyes, the way he talks, walks, just everything (writing about it makes me cry), but we have to be strong for ourselves, we MUST think life is not over, and we should know that what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. Keep in mind what you said about calling him, you will definitely feel worse, because even the most hidden memories of your time together will come to your mind, trust me! If he hasn't call you is because he's not interested anymore, as bad as it sounds. So you must go on with your life, it would hurt, but you must always keep the hope that one day you would look back at all this pain and thank him for making you a stronger person. Good luck!!!
lonelygurl Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My mind is playing games with me.... after two months of NC im starting to feel the need to break it..... its so dumb that I would even want to do that. im trying to rationalize my reasons.... but its just me trying to fill the void. I miss him so much. I have been trying my best to get by...this is the hardest thing I have ever done or tried to do. I dream of him all the time and think of him every second of my day. I keep telling myself that this pain will pass and I'll be okay... but the more the days seem to pass the more pain I feel..... im so not over this or even close to being over it. my need to contact him is purely to make the pain stop if only for just one second. I keep fighting with myself. logically I know if I contact him I will end up worse, but the emotional part of me just wants to do it to make it stop. all I really want is for this pain to stop. I just don’t know how. im scared and alone. I cant even talk to my friends anymore. I don’t have a good time when I go out, im depressed all the time and im becoming this person I don’t even know anymore. I just wanted to say you are not alone! I am in the same spot as you. It is very painful and I wish we could make the pain stop, but everyday it is still there and so are the thoughts. I just started reading How to Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn. It is pretty good. I have read some bits and pieces on grieving. But lately with my anxiety I can't read much. I still cry everyday until I'm almost sick. All I want to do is sleep and it is hard to be motivated. I don't know what is the answer. Try to stay busy as best you can. Today in my group we were told if even to do things such as crosswords, knitting, counting backwards ect. Something that is simple but yet occupies your mind to avoid the obsessive thoughts. Easier said than done:)
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 im scared and alone. I cant even talk to my friends anymore. Please try. You will find that your real friends will step up when you need them to. If you're not up to that yet, spill your guts to us when you feel like contacting him. Many of us have been through it! A friend and I recently made a deal: you don't contact your ex, and I won't contact mine. We'll call each other sometimes and say, "I want to call him tonight." And the other one will say, "Don't do it, girl! Leave the past in the past. Keep that clutter out of your life so you have room for the good stuff in the future."
AMM003 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Hang in there! As you can see, alot of folks here are in the same boat. You could pick up a hobby? Anything you always wanted to do but couldnt cause of time spent with the ex. Or maybe try some church functions? Alot of animal shelters need volunteers too! You'll be alright. Now is the time for to find yourself again. Or maybe re-invent yourself.
Recommended Posts