LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Let me start off by saying that I don't believe in "The One." Mainly because it implies that, well there's only one person out there for all of us. Time, proxemity and circumstance all come into play I do believe, but this isn't to say I don't recognize that theres soulmates out there. To be clear, soulmates by my definition are people who complement us effortlessly on some internal level. You never feel judged by them and you're 100% yourself around them. They love your quirks and its like, their insides match your insides if that makes any sense. And let me also clarify, I have never felt a "soul" connection with anyone but I can imagine what it will be like when I do. Anyways my sister said this is unrealistic. I say, I've seen enough posters on LS and I don't want to settle! Not only that but I've been through my fair share of extreme heartache. Don't get me wrong I am still putting myself out there and "trying guys on" but a few dates is all it takes. I am perfectly happy and content to be single so if this continues on for even 10 years like this I'll be ok. I want my next relationship to be the icing on the cake to my already fulfilling life: not the egg, the batter, the shortening and the whole kitchen sink. Here is a list of my expectations thus far, you let me know if you agree with my sister or if you think this is reasonable: 1) We must have a soul-level relationship. Again hard to explain but I think I tried. 2) Kind hearted and Open minded is a MUST 3) A simple man in dress and want for material things. 4) Loves children 5) Affectionate both physically and verbally 6) Enjoys the outdoors over the TV 7) Is passionate about life 8) Is spiritual and would attend church with me. 9) Laughs at lifes misfortunes and smiles a lot (optimistic) 10) Someone who enjoys the more traditional roles in a marriage: wife stays home with kids, cooks dinner for him when he gets home from work type of thing. 11) Loves giving me surprises (because these are my absolute favorite, especially from a loved one). I realize this sounds like an internet dating profile but I really would like to hear peoples opinions on whether or not this is too picky. If you do think so, do you find yourself often choosing practicality over passion?
Shygirl15 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 So you wouldn't settle until they meet all of above criterias?
Shygirl15 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Sorry, but can you also list down what you have to offer so that we compare notes and make a better judgement? Thanks!
BobSacamento Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 This thread screams - "IT'S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 This thread screams - "IT'S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Well quite frankly, it IS all about me. I could most certainly write another thread about what it is I have to offer my partner, but that would have to go under a different thread title. If you want to think I'm self centered, go ahead. But also know that my belief is that the true definition of love is self-sacrifice. I am certainly aware that I need to bring to the table the SAME THINGS (or similar) that I am looking for in a mate. You are not going to have to deal with the man I marry for the rest of my life, are you? And neither is the garbage man, or joe shmoe or my neighbor down the street. When it comes to picking the right person, its good to focus on your personal wants, your needs and your criteria. I don't see anything wrong with what I posted. To answer your question shygirl, yes I will not settle unless he meets I'd sayyyy...90% of the above criteria. And the first two are un-compromisable.
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 A beautiful 9 month old daughter yes. She is a huge factor in me having higher standards than most. I'm not looking for a substitute "daddy" for her. And I don't need a crutch to help me with single mommyhood. Oh no. I just want someone who makes me happy and my daughter can see what a loving relationship really is. I never got to see that growing up.
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Don't forget makes good money too..After all you want him to support you and your kids..
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 I don't care about money. I'd chose passion over practicality any day. Honest. I'm kinda a hippie at heart.
JamesM Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Don't quit being picky...ever. When you meet "the One," then pickiness is gone. Besides, YOU have to live with the man you choose...not your sister. Keep your standards high. IMO too many people settle out of desperation, and then they will tell you that being alone is better than being unhappily married.
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 HMM.. You have a 9 month old daughter. I wish you the best. However, you are looking at a tiny % of men that would enter a relationship such as this. Your sister is 100% correct. I mean you can be as picky as you want,but very few men will want to take on you and your baby. Unless you look like a supermodel.. I can't even imagine men asking for this.. A woman to support him, another woman's child, AND she must fit a long list of criteria. Wake up. Men really do not have a a super long list of criteria.You like who you like.
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 HMM.. You have a 9 month old daughter. I wish you the best. However, you are looking at a tiny % of men that would enter a relationship such as this. Your sister is 100% correct. I mean you can be as picky as you want,but very few men will want to take on you and your baby. This is a complete jack ass comment.
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Unless you look like a supermodel.. I can't even imagine men asking for this.. A woman to support him, another woman's child, AND she must fit a long list of criteria. Wake up. Men really do not have a a super long list of criteria.You like who you like. Ok you must have just edited this and added on some more jack ass comments before I typed my last one. I already said, I'm not looking for someone to lean on as far as child responsibilities. I'm running a very tight and smooth sailin ship on my own right now.
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Why is that a jack ass comment? It is very true.. Many things go along with dating a single mom, especially if she has a little baby. Should men just overlook this completely? Do you think they would? If you want, start a thread asking how many men want to date a woman with a new born baby.
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Don't quit being picky...ever. When you meet "the One," then pickiness is gone. Besides, YOU have to live with the man you choose...not your sister. Keep your standards high. IMO too many people settle out of desperation, and then they will tell you that being alone is better than being unhappily married. It is nice to hear someone agree with me on not settling. I feel a huge sense of self respect by keeping my standards high too. Thanks, JamesM
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 And the man should settle then I suppose? I mean how many men dream of dating a woman with a newborn baby, one that is not even theirs?
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Why is that a jack ass comment? It is very true.. Many things go along with dating a single mom, especially if she has a little baby. Should men just overlook this completely? Do you think they would? If you want, start a thread asking how many men want to date a woman with a new born baby. I said it does not have to be now. I may not find a soulmate for 5 more years. You are saying these things like I'm lookin for a daddy for my child when in reality I'm looking for a relationship. Two very different things. If a man meets me, and he is mature, he will realize this immediatly. I am not desperate, nor do I give off that vibe. So layoff.
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I never said I felt you were desperate..Your kid would obviously be a HUGE part of your life, which would make it a HUGE part of the relationship. Why do women these days just EXPECT men to overlook something as huge as this? Then lay out a list of very picky criteria a man must meet?
clv0116 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 When I see "must love kids" alarm bells go off. Most people love kids, what it really means is "must love the kids I started with another man".
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 I never said I felt you were desperate..Your kid would obviously be a HUGE part of your life, which would make it a HUGE part of the relationship. Why do women these days just EXPECT men to overlook something as huge as this? Then lay out a list of very picky criteria a man must meet? This is my last response to you. If its such a big deal for you to argue this with me, PM me about it. I would absolutely NOT expect a man to overlook this. I would want him to embrace it. I realize that not many men would be interested in starting something with a woman has such a little child. Being a single parent CAN be a dealbreaker. I'm not ignorant to that. But you're acting as if I need this relationship right now, as if my daughter isn't going to grow up?? Again, this relationship I'm looking for may not happen for another five years. What is your big dilemma against a single mom? Is it just the baby thing?
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Exactly.... OP,, You even listed this in your criteria.. 10) Someone who enjoys the more traditional roles in a marriage: wife stays home with kids, cooks dinner for him when he gets home from work type of thing. That takes something called money. Obviously you need a high earner as well. A high earner that fits all of your other requirements. One that wants to raise another man's child. Yes, you are too picky.
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 When I see "must love kids" alarm bells go off. Most people love kids, what it really means is "must love the kids I started with another man". Honestly CV.. a person should have to love the kids she had with another man if he marries her..or at least have the capability of love for those kids. What kind of Mother wouldn't make that a huge priority ? I was a stepfather for many years.. I loved and accepted that child as my own.. that was an acceptable requirement of her mothers to me.. and it was good parenting...
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 When I see "must love kids" alarm bells go off. Most people love kids, what it really means is "must love the kids I started with another man". And the problem with wanting a man to love my child is????
Lindarose84 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I never said I felt you were desperate..Your kid would obviously be a HUGE part of your life, which would make it a HUGE part of the relationship. Why do women these days just EXPECT men to overlook something as huge as this? Then lay out a list of very picky criteria a man must meet? I don't get it...how is her writing the qualities she'd like to find in a man the equivalent of her "expecting" a man to overlook her having a newborn??? I don't want to speak for the OP, but I read her post to mean that she would like to meet a man who "loves children". If she meets a man who doesn't, oh well, move on. She's not going to hold a gun to his head and say "YOU MUST OVERLOOK THE FACT THAT I HAVE A CHILD AND ACCEPT ME!" I'm sure she'll meet a "soulmate" who has kids of his own and is willing to accept hers too. Or she'll find a man who always wanted to have children but never met the woman to provide him one. There are men out there who will accept her, newborn and all. I understand "being real" but you need to lay off the OP a bit.
clv0116 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 What is your big dilemma against a single mom? Is it just the baby thing? I'm not Boxing, but I can tell you the next common thing; "My daughter is first in my life, you have to be OK with that". I'm not OK with that for a number of very good reasons. I've got no issues with dating a single mom in theory, but in practice you're almost always #2 in their life. No thanks. In fact, if you can get over this you will probably overcome a lot of the male hesitation to date a single mom, so it's worth thinking about. I like kids, I LOVE kids, I want kids, but I don't want to play second fiddle in my own family. What reasonable man would?
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