Poll: Women change after getting married, is this for real?

[clv0116]

.... this is nothing that a prenup can't cure.

 

In more ways than one. If she's turning tail because he wants prenup it says a lot about her mindset.

[Trialbyfire]

In more ways than one. If she's turning tail because he wants prenup it says a lot about her mindset.

That would be my take for anyone refusing to sign a prenup, male or female.

[Touche]

In more ways than one. If she's turning tail because he wants prenup it says a lot about her mindset.

 

It does because some of us don't believe in them. A person who doesn't believe in them should not marry someone who does.

[D-Lish]

I've known both women AND men that have let themselves go after getting married.

 

I must be honest and say- after I married my first husband- I did put on a fair amount of weight. I went from 130lbs (5'7"ish) to almost 160lbs. It had so much to do with getting a satellite dish and just settling into a routine of eating horribly. I went up and down in weight - it was a struggle. I was in school- so I did nothing but eat, study, watch tv and drive back and forth to class. Bad habits, bad choices.

 

Fast forward to the end of the relationship. I lost 50lbs. Stress, despression, and sheer willpower took it off. I've fluctuated between skinny and slim since then. I learned from that experience that I will always do what it takes to stay slim- for myself (because it makes me feel good). I'm late 30's now, and I am slimmer now than I was when I was 13.

 

Some things I won't be able to control (wrinkles) yikes. But as far as staying slim, I work at it everyday- and I'll continue to do so whether in a relationship or not.

 

Guys are just as susceptible to letting themselves go... it's a human thing, not a gender issue.

[CaliforniaGirl]

In more ways than one. If she's turning tail because he wants prenup it says a lot about her mindset.

 

I'm not so sure. If she's been receiving other signals of mistrust, control, etc., then a prenup could just be the straw that broke the camel's back. It could be "just one more thing" and she could be seeing all the red flags and just backing off at this point.

 

Just my $.02.

[Untouchable_Fire]

It does because some of us don't believe in them. A person who doesn't believe in them should not marry someone who does.

 

What is that supposed to mean some people don't believe in them?

 

Signing a prenup is like saying... I love you for who you are, not what your worth. Not believing in them says the opposite.

[Touche]

What is that supposed to mean some people don't believe in them?

 

Signing a prenup is like saying... I love you for who you are, not what your worth. Not believing in them says the opposite.

 

We've had threads on this and I've expressed my opinion on this. I don't want to h/j this thread but suffice it to say that some of us just don't believe in them. My H doesn't and I don't. Neither did my ex-H.

 

For us not ASKING for one is like saying I love you for who you are, not what you're worth. See how that can work?

 

I guess the two men I married were very old-fashioned, as am I. We don't believe in separate vacations either. You're all in or you're not. In ALL senses of the word. That's what a marriage is to some of us.

 

I don't put down those who disagree. If a pre-nup works for them, great. I would have never married anyone who would require one though. Nor would I have ever asked someone I wanted to marry to sign one.

 

To each his own.

[Holding-On]

I don't have a problem with a pre-nup in theory. Totally makes sense especially if have lots of assets or you are older and need all those assets to survive on because you are very close to retirement etc.

 

But in a young man where the assets are less than 100k... that would tell me he wasn't ready to take the risks involved in getting married. That if it got too hard he was probably going to bail. That he was expecting to see a con game and going to read negative intentions into normal situations where his partner was simply being human and thus flawed.

 

Anyway OP you don't sound anywhere near marriage material at this time but I applaud your research.

 

Living with another human being and especially reproducing dependant little human beings requires a LOT of giving of the self. A LOT of compromise. A LOT of showing your children HOW to do that giving and compromise in a more mature, fair and noble manner that you thought you had in you.

So for companionship, children and forced spiritual growth cohabitating til the end of your days with another person is great.

 

For fun times and eternal infatuation stay a bachelor.

[Sam Spade]

Maybe this anxiety of mine is just a discrete stage in life that will pass in due time.

I went through a similar process career-wise - lots of negativity and bad experiences, and hopelesness, and etc. etc. etc., but I got it under control (this included stopping reading the professional and job-seeking forums, however. If so, I should probably lay off LS for good.)

[Sam Spade]

I don't have a problem with a pre-nup in theory. Totally makes sense especially if have lots of assets or you are older and need all those assets to survive on because you are very close to retirement etc.

 

But in a young man where the assets are less than 100k... that would tell me he wasn't ready to take the risks involved in getting married. That if it got too hard he was probably going to bail. That he was expecting to see a con game and going to read negative intentions into normal situations where his partner was simply being human and thus flawed.

 

Anyway OP you don't sound anywhere near marriage material at this time but I applaud your research.

 

Living with another human being and especially reproducing dependant little human beings requires a LOT of giving of the self. A LOT of compromise. A LOT of showing your children HOW to do that giving and compromise in a more mature, fair and noble manner that you thought you had in you.

So for companionship, children and forced spiritual growth cohabitating til the end of your days with another person is great.

 

For fun times and eternal infatuation stay a bachelor.

 

Thanks, this is a very therapeutic reply - just having someone else acknwledge my already readily stated vulnerability helps . I think I'll calm down over time. But my life has been one endless transition so far, if a succesful one, and although I'm actively thinking about marriage, just the thought of how much could go so wrong so easily is depressing. Hopefully things will look different in a couple of years.

[clv0116]

.... that would tell me he wasn't ready to take the risks involved in getting married.

 

It means I want to be loved for who I am, not what she can get from me in a divorce. A marriage license is an incredibly anti-romantic legal instrument that is inextricably tied to the most romantic of human actions. A prenup acts as a counter to that.

[Sam Spade]

Okay, now here it goes, blaming women who lie. How about you take responsibility for your portion, like your people picker? What's made you so distrustful of women? Was it one previous relationship where you got hurt? Was it the way you were raised?

 

You want a woman you can lead by the nose "for her own good". Consider the doormat personality type. As a doormat, she's probably not going to want to do much with her life, including work for a living. A doormat has no personal pride or independence. So...where are you going to find a woman who's willing to be a doormat, then be strong enough to pull her weight?

 

Good luck finding her. Either that or it's true, you're going to find someone who's going to lie to you.

 

The flip side to this is that you're terribly concerned about fiscal security. But then you claim you're a prize. How can you be such a big prize if you're unable to make sufficient monies to make it worth the while of someone to lie to you? Also, this is nothing that a prenup can't cure.

 

Your arguments are like a leaky boat.

 

I don't know... I'm asking myself this. The bad break up certainly didn't help, the flakiness on the dating scene too. So, I feel like in a bad reality show - even if i see something that looks maybe good, I don't know whether to believe it. As I stated in earlier posts, my biggest concerns are that people often get married out of selfish agendas that have almost nothing to do with the other person.

 

As for the doormat comments - no comment because you are making way more assumptions than you can credibly make with the information you have. So, your arguments are solid, just like the spider puling the web out of its azz.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't know... I'm asking myself this. The bad break up certainly didn't help, the flakiness on the dating scene too. So, I feel like in a bad reality show - even if i see something that looks maybe good, I don't know whether to believe it. As I stated in earlier posts, my biggest concerns are that people often get married out of selfish agendas that have almost nothing to do with the other person.

 

As for the doormat comments - no comment because you are making way more assumptions than you can credibly make with the information you have. So, your arguments are solid, just like the spider puling the web out of its azz.

You're not responding to the prenup suggestions. If you're so worried about gold diggers, a prenup or even a whiff of a prenup should scare a gold digger away.

[tami-chan]

My current girlfriend is at the border between being extremely hot with some great curves on her tiny frame and the weight range where she'll actually be a bit overweight. She works out regularly, but I'm not convinced she's really comitted to staying in shape (she keeps asking loaded questions such as what I'd do if she gained weight; to which I reply that I'll shepherd her to the gym)).

 

Have you met her mother and the rest of the women in her family? Meeting them will give you a good idea on how she'll turn out years from now. Of course,that is if she decides not to do something about her weight/ health or stops doing something about them...

 

"shepherd her to the gym"...LOL...:D:D!

[Heart Broken Geek]

Yes, they do.