My ex has a new gilrfriend but last week he said he still loves me!!!

[Marina09]

Hey guys!!! I need help with this problem I'm having. Well, my bf broke up with me on New Year's Day because he didn't feel the same way about me and he wanted to explore new experiences and be free to do whatever he wanted. His decision broke my heart. I cried everyday, would think about him all the time, etc. I just couldn't get over the idea that he sudddenly stopped loving me. However after a month I felt better and started thinking I could survive this break up with dignity. I never called him, e-mailed him, or met him anywhere, I always tried to avoid him so I wouldn't feel hurt. Then just one day out of the blue, I received an e-mail from him saying that he wanted to explain things to me. He said that he didn't mean to say that he didn't love, that he loved me, loves me, and will always love me. He also said that he missed being with me, that our relationship was very good but he didn't feel ready NOW to have such a serious relationship. He mentioned that he didn't want me to dissapear from his life just like that, and that he hoped we could be friends, and in the future, when he felt ready, try our relationship again. He finished the e-mail saying that he was sorry because he had hurt the girl he loves, and he wanted my forgiveness. When I first read this I felt a little good, because I felt I wasn't the only one missing him. However after reading it over and over I felt all he wants is to have me available whenever he wants. I replied saying I didn't hate him and that I feel good with myself because I know I tried everything to save "us". After a week of getting this e-mail I found out he has a new girlfriend, I don't know who she is, but I'm suspicious is a girl he dated one year before being with me. I feel horrible, and can't understand WHY he wrote all those things to me, I NEVER asked for an explanation, and I can't understand why he said he loved me if he already had somebody else. I think I was almost over the idea of having lost him forever, but after I got his e-mail all my feelings for him came back and now I found out he's moved on when he said just two weeks ago he loved me!!!! Please I need some advice to ease this pain!!!!

[BCCA]

all he wants is to have me available whenever he wants

 

Bingo! He just wants an option available if this chick dumps him, or he finds himself single and unable to find someone readily available.

 

Truth be told, you dont go from loving someone to not loving them overnight. That, however, means nothing. An ex of mine stated that she did care and love for all of her long term ex's, just not in the 'I want to be in a relationship with you' kind of way. Think about it, its not like I want any of my ex's to drop dead or get hit by a bus, and maybe in some way I do still love them and always will, but its the love you have for an aunt, pet, or friend. Its not the love you have for someone special you want to spend your life with anymore.

 

And it breeds less guilt if you can convince yourself that you love someone so much, you let them go 'for their own good'. Basically a cop out to make it seem like breaking up was something you did for everyone, and not just a selfish decision.

 

he didn't want me to dissapear from his life just like that, and that he hoped we could be friends, and in the future, when he felt ready, try our relationship again.

 

So, basically, screw whats good for you, you should be waiting in the wings if he should fall, ready to pick him up. He just doesnt want to think you hate him, and could use a fallback. Totally selfish.

 

after I got his e-mail all my feelings for him came back

 

Thats usually what happens. Next time, try not to read it over and over, and only respond if need be. This email was not worth responding to at all. He was just fishing for his security blanket, and maybe a booty call if need be.

 

Selfish selfish selfish.

 

Im sure you figured that though

[Truly Lost]

I agree with BCCA. Your ex is looking for a security blanket. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have broken up with you. I'm sure he had his eye on this other girl for a while. He was more than likely just trying to make himself feel better for hurting you because he knows he did. Don't mistaken his email as coming across as someone who has deep rooted love for you that no one else can replace. You've already been replaced by this new/old girl that he is seeing. He might have a pattern going on. When he is sick of this girl he'll be giving you a call. First, he will want to know what you've been up to and if you are seeing anyone. Then once he knows you aren't seeing anyone he will then subsequently break up with his current girlfriend, but not before he has told you he is single. He sounds like the type of person that gets bored of his girlfriends quickly. I don't think he has experienced real love yet.

[chrissreef]

Same thing for me... I feel like "plan B" incase things don't work out with my ex's new man (whom I think is pathetic hahahaha).

 

I don't mind being plan B, but I am trying to make sure I heal and get my own plan A going or am ready for one. If she comes back, then we'll see where I'm at at the time I suppose.

 

My ex sent me a "happy birthday" text last week... you know how many times I read that?!?!! haha and tried to look into it? Lots. About a week before (2 months post breakup/into her new relationship) she sent me an email "thank you for being so kind, and I do love you"

 

I'm still amazed that someone that loved me so much could treat me like this. Best of luck to you... give me a call, we'll go out and have fun! =) (jk)

[Ingenue]

Marina,

 

Your situation sounds a bit like my own. My ex dumped me after dating for 5 years via email. Last month, he came around fishing. He told me he missed me, but was still dating the woman that he had emotionally cheated on me with. He told me he still thought of me fondly and even missed the camaraderie and closeness that we had shared and that even speaking to me generated an emotional response that he was surprised by. My ex was fishing for information.

 

Do not doubt for a minute that your ex is lining up his pins should his current relationship not work out. As harsh as it sounds, I suspect this to be the case. Maybe he's realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, or maybe he's just longing for the good ole' days. But his admission of love sounds suspiciously like an attempt to keep you pining/thinking/ wanting/ yearning for him without him having to invest anything into it.

 

Either way, as BCCA says, you are a better person than his selfish actions have deemed you to be. You're not his fallback, nor his security blanket should his current situation not work out. As hard as it is to move on, you need to live your life without thinking about him.

[Marina09]

Thank you guys for your advices. I guess he's feeling guilty because he did hurt me, but he should have thought that it would hurt me more to know he wrote something like that to me when he was already dating someone else. And don't worry, after knowing that he has a new girlfrined I would never get back with him. I know I must keep going on with my life even if the thought of him being with other girl is around me all day long. Thank you very much, and good luck to you all!!!