Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 (This came up in another thread. I'm speaking VERY generally here - I realize there are PLENTY of women in this world, and here on LS, that don't fit into this mould. ) But this is true, don't deny it. I've seen it and experienced it (admittedly, from both sides!) first hand. Men definitely have their faults, but if there's an award that women have earned over the men, it's the mean card. The vindictive card. The bratty card. The catty card. The backstabbing card. Why is this? From what I've observed over the years, men in general seem to have a far less difficult time making and keeping friends long-term. But at the same time, I've always felt those friendships lack a depth that female friendships share. I see/talk to my close, long-term friends quite often. But many dudes will speak of their best friend Larry as a guy from college, a guy they haven't seen in 5+ years! Men also tend to have "drinking friends," "golf friends," "hunting friends," "work friends," etc., whereas women tend to have more "all around friends" - friends they can do and share many things with. That's probably a tangent not related to the heart of the subject, but something I've thought about often over the years. Do women take their same-sex friendships more (too?) seriously? At the first sign of being slighted, women tend to go on the offensive, and will sometimes engage in some pretty reprehensible behavior. They will backstab, expose confidences, destroy reputations. On the other hand, when men are slighted, they beat their chests and laugh in the other's face. Their response doesn't seem as.... cruel. Why the difference? It also seems like there are more female bullies out there (from grade school through the adult world) than there are male bullies. Why is that?
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It's all about shoes.... Did you ever notice that a woman will notice a woman's shoes as she first walks into a room.. even though she has never met or seen that woman before she will comment rather negatively about her shoes if the other woman appears to be hotter...
Trialbyfire Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It's more noticeable with women because you're a woman and can see through it. It also happens with men. There are some underhanded, passive-aggressive viciousness in some men as well. This includes grudge bearing and harbouring.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 It's all about shoes.... Did you ever notice that a woman will notice a woman's shoes as she first walks into a room.. even though she has never met or seen that woman before she will comment rather negatively about her shoes if the other woman appears to be hotter... Interesting. I can't say that a woman's shoes in the first thing I notice. I tend to pick up on body language and demeanor first.
clv0116 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Actually a friend of mine and I have been discussing this off and on for almost a year. We're not sure why it happens of course but you're right that women will tear into each other a lot more than men do. Here is an interesting man observation. If a group of men are given or self assign a task, they will tend to fairly quickly sort out who is best suited for the various sub-tasks, someone will step up and lead, and the tribe, er, team, will proceed with the overall task. I'm not sure the same naturally happens in a group of women. Additionally, from a biology standpoint, one man can successfully mate with many women if he is seen to be a desirable mate. In a preindustrial world however, a woman would have to balance that against the fact that it's in her interests and those of her offspring to be to sole beneficiary of his attention and resources. So she wants to select the best mate she can within the constraints she is presented with. She can help ensure her selected mates fidelity if she monitors, shames and otherwise polices the other women in the group. Maybe women are the cops of society.
JackJack Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Well, not always, and this can be said for men and women both. I have always heard, people SOMETIMES get ticked off at, or don't care for, the very same qualities they see in others, that they themselves have.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Maybe women are the cops of society. I like that concept! I have always heard, people SOMETIMES get ticked off at, or don't care for, the very same qualities they see in others, that they themselves have. I can see that... sometimes. Other times I think it's the result of envy. For example, I hate seeing women act as doormats. It drives me INSANE. This is probably because I know I've been a doormat in the past. However, some women, seem bitchy just to be bitchy. Perhaps it's envy-inspired? For example, if they see anther woman with a great outfit on, some women will manage to think of something bitchy to say (either in their head, or to a friend, or whatever). Something like, "Look at her in her knock-off Dolce suit, thinking she's all that." Or, "She needs to lose 5 pounds to really rock that." It's...bitchy. I, on the other hand, will go straight up to that woman and ask, "Where did you get your outfit? I love it."
JackJack Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I like that concept! I can see that... sometimes. Other times I think it's the result of envy. For example, I hate seeing women act as doormats. It drives me INSANE. This is probably because I know I've been a doormat in the past. However, some women, seem bitchy just to be bitchy. Perhaps it's envy-inspired? For example, if they see anther woman with a great outfit on, some women will manage to think of something bitchy to say (either in their head, or to a friend, or whatever). Something like, "Look at her in her knock-off Dolce suit, thinking she's all that." Or, "She needs to lose 5 pounds to really rock that." It's...bitchy. I, on the other hand, will go straight up to that woman and ask, "Where did you get your outfit? I love it." You're right, I agree. I do think it depends on the situation....
fral945 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My best guess is that it has to do with the way a woman’s brain is wired vs. a man’s (generally speaking). I believe this because I remember reading a study that said the emotional part of a gay man's brain is wired more similarly to a straight woman than a straight man. For lesbians, the emotional part of their brains is wired more like a straight male and less like a straight female. I really believe this to be true because it matches what I have experienced in real life. I have actually found lesbians to be some of the easiest women to work with because of their candor and lack of cattiness and spitefulness. OTOH, I have found gay men to be a lot more like women from an emotional standpoint and never have cared to work with them. This example (to me) highlights the fact that certain male/female differences are just innate and not a product of environment. I think the cattiness and spitefulness is something that more women are predisposed to. Obviously not all act out on it or behave in that way, but I think you can learn a lot about males and females by looking at the extreme examples in both sexes.
clv0116 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I like that concept! It doesn't explain everything, but it really explains a lot.
sally4sara Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I use to wonder about people who seemed easily offended, overly critical, hypersensitive too. Those people who it seems to take very little for them to just write someone off and refuse to ever be civil to them again. I was told the same crap too: "That's just how women are. Men are so much more laid back. blahblahblah" What I've noticed over the years is people like this have some underlying issue they are trying to hide. Something is happening in their life that makes them feel powerless. They look for people to lash out at for a momentary feeling of being in charge of their own path. To feel like their will is one to watch out for. Our society still lends men more power in their day to day lives. It stands to reason you might pehaps, find more women acting this way than men.
blind_otter Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I don't know. They are competitive in weird ways (women). I've noticed this at the playgoup I've been taking my son to since he was 2 months old. Some of the women are laid back, most of them subtly catty and competitive.... "I can't believe your baby isn't walking yet" kind of stuff. My S/O went to baby group with me one day. He still shudders at the memory. It has been my experience that while men can do underhanded things to each other, they cannot begin to approach what women do to each other on a daily basis....
HelenetheSlytherin Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I think that women are natured differently than men. I have a few female friends, but most of my friendships tend to be with men. I think that traditionally, men have been the ones to do the asking and choosing in a relationship. Women tend to get jealous because we see the other women as potential threats.
Citizen Erased Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Plainly, women aren't very nice people. Just my opinion.
Still Trying Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 IME women who are catty are simply insecure with themselves to begin with. It's the laid back types who have it together because they KNOW that they're hot. I hate that women usually default to being spiteful when their own feelings are hurt - maybe more of an eye for an eye mentality whereas men just get hurt and hold it inside (I know that's what I do sometimes). but hey my mom hugged me a lot...
confused_2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I think that traditionally, men have been the ones to do the asking and choosing in a relationship. Women tend to get jealous because we see the other women as potential threats. I agree men traditionally do the asking but it's the women that do the choosing.
Still Trying Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I agree men traditionally do the asking but it's the women that do the choosing. Oh I can choose! thankyouverymuch!
confused_2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Oh I can choose! thankyouverymuch! Oh, I can choose too, and have... But, more often than not it's the woman doing the choosing. You know it's the truth
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I agree.. but IMO.. this 'meanness' is only among women who are NOT true friends... I have 2 'true' friends.. and we are NOT at all mean to each other... quite the contrary actually. I think it's more among women, at work, casual friends, etc.. because women are more envious, jealous of other females that look better, or do better than them.. For the women, who are NOT envious, jealous of others.. they are not mean to other women.. it's all about self esteem.. and confidence.. IMO. I am mean only to those who are mean to me.. I'm not a 'naturally' mean person... certainly NOT envious of anyone..
sb129 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I don't know. They are competitive in weird ways (women). I've noticed this at the playgoup I've been taking my son to since he was 2 months old. Some of the women are laid back, most of them subtly catty and competitive.... "I can't believe your baby isn't walking yet" kind of stuff. I am dreading that part of parenting. As if you need that on top of all the other guilt! I have heard of competitive moms trying to outdo eachother with how much fruit and veg their kids will eat instead of junk- and it only ends up giving them diarrhea. I think I am going to have to develop a strategy for those kind of mothers that involves a dog whistle and immobilising grips. For lesbians, the emotional part of their brains is wired more like a straight male and less like a straight female. I really believe this to be true because it matches what I have experienced in real life. I have actually found lesbians to be some of the easiest women to work with because of their candor and lack of cattiness and spitefulness. . I don't know about this. I agree about the bitchiness of gay man (man some of those bee-atches make women look tame) but IME lesbians can get pretty nasty too- and thats because they know exactly what buttons to push to wind another woman up. IME women who are catty are simply insecure with themselves to begin with. I think it's more among women, at work, casual friends, etc.. because women are more envious, jealous of other females that look better, or do better than them..it's all about self esteem.. and confidence.. IMO. . This is pretty much my take on things too. We have our own version of "Next Top Model" on TV here. (its very lame compared to the US one, much more low- budget) and most of the girls are between 17-24. In the FIRST episode there was some incredible bitchiness that must have been born out of competitiveness and/or insecurity.
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