Xodius Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My wife and I CANNOT communicate! every time there is an issue, she just storms off saying "I CANT HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW"... well she never can apparently because after days of just NOT talking about things, she tries to act normal again. I am not going to let wounds heal with thorns in them! Well, over the weekend more problems arose. With all the recent negative occurrences with her not being happy with me, she told me that sometimes she feels like I'm not in love with her... like I love her, I'm just not IN love with her. I then started to tell her some possible reasons for that, basically admitting that I wasn't IN love with her (AT THAT TIME). I didn't try to tell her that she had no reason to think that because she did. When she constantly comes at me as a parent, she's going to get me as a child. I told her that I was sick of being treated like a child, and she retorted with "Then STOP ACTING LIKE ONE!" I asked her for an example of me being a child... she couldn't give me a specific example, just that I pout and complain a lot. (which isn't true, I'm up for a discussion on solutions but every time there is any kind of problem she runs from it saying that she is NOT going to have that conversation and then shuts herself off. IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING! Who does the dishes, cleans the house (much more than her?) Who cooks, works full time, goes to school full time? Who is always the one giving back scratches and back massages? Who is the one who helped her get a new job, who revised her resume? Who posted her application FOR HER? I'm acting like a child? I really am trying to see HOW I'm acting like a child. I don't want to act like a child, THAT isn't going to help anything. We need to focus on the things that will help our relationship! and Holy hell I AM TRYING. I personally feel like I'm pulling most of the weight! But then again... I am only living my life, I'm not seeing nor feeling what she is because I'm not her and she has decided not to tell me how she feels physically... I think it is because in the past I have made things about me when she is sick... So she doesn't want to tell me when she is. I know that at this point that divorce... calling it quits... not attempting to work things out aren't options because I love my wife even with all the hardships we face together... I wake up loving her and then remember that she's mad at me (again for something new) and that love hits a wall. but giving up now? Now THAT would be acting like a child. THAT would be running from our problems and not attempting to fix them. Yet for some reason she pulls that off while still being married to me. Its all about HER and how SHE feels... whenever SHE is ready to talk... its never the other way around, I have to wait until she is ready. If anyone is acting childish, it is her.
Heroic Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Say these words, "I have set up an appointment for marriage counseling. I think we have some troubles that could get worse. I want you to come and share with me, so we can get some tools and rules for communicating better."
sadintexas Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Who does the dishes, cleans the house (much more than her?) Who cooks, works full time, goes to school full time? Who is always the one giving back scratches and back massages? Who is the one who helped her get a new job, who revised her resume? Who posted her application FOR HER? I'm acting like a child? I really am trying to see HOW I'm acting like a child. I don't want to act like a child, THAT isn't going to help anything. We need to focus on the things that will help our relationship! and Holy hell I AM TRYING. It's called projection.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Who does the dishes, cleans the house (much more than her?) Who cooks, works full time, goes to school full time? Who is always the one giving back scratches and back massages? Who is the one who helped her get a new job, who revised her resume? Who posted her application FOR HER? I'm acting like a child? I really am trying to see HOW I'm acting like a child. I don't want to act like a child, THAT isn't going to help anything. We need to focus on the things that will help our relationship! and Holy hell I AM TRYING. For most people, perception is reality - so what if she feels the exact same way? She may think that, unlike your post, she's the one doing the emotional heavy lifting. I'm not sure how your existing standoff benefits either one of you. As previously posted, you need MC to agree on the roles in your relationship. It's OK to be different if you can agree to honor those differences. You seem to be waiting for someone to declare you in the "right", the winner, the good guy. Guess what? If you really want to keep your marriage intact, that won't do you any good... Mr. Lucky
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Wow, very very good points for any of us to remember, Mr. Lucky.
mzbaker Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 read NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION [COLOR=#676767]by Marshall B Rosenberg[/COLOR] [COLOR=#676767][/COLOR] [COLOR=#676767]it's a great start for you and if she will...she should definitely consider reading it, too.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#676767][/COLOR] [COLOR=#676767]what you describe seems all too familiar...but it doesn't have to destroy your marriage.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#676767][/COLOR] [COLOR=#676767]best of luck![/COLOR]
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