drummerprince81 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 18 days ago. We were in love, never argued, never really quarrelled, did everything together and lived in each others pockets. She even said to me a few days before how much she loved me. We were going through a bit of rough patch where having already told me a 100 times how she couldn't wait to live me (or even how I was her best friend/soulmate/the one etc) but when the opportunity came to buy a house she got cold feet. I took it personally, and we were a bit off with each other for a few weeks but we still kissed, hugged and talked about our daily life, but yes, it was definitely different to our previous 20 months together. I could sense it was a bit weird, yet felt like I needed time to come around the fact that she didn't want to move out yet with me. But even after this, and only a week before the split we were all over each other at times. This is why I have been blaming myself - what I did/didn't do in the weeks leading up to this. Her reasons were confusing - at first she just wanted a break because she was unsure how she felt about us anymore and that we've been like an old married couple. I told her that if she unhappy she should have told me. I've been through all my messages, emails and experiences over the last 2 months and there was nothing to indicate she was having doubts, and I'm not foolish enough to not notice. Obviously, I can't live in her mind. In the end, she said we should see other people. I confronted her on this but she assured me there was nobody else. I went home crying my eyes out. She contacted me 2 days later to see how I was. I said terrible, she said the same and we agreed to meet the next day. She is 21 in a week, so for this to happen 3 weeks before is a major shock. It could be timing but I'm extremely paranoid about the real reason. Unfortunately, she said she felt the same, that she was devastated she hurt me but I realised I needed proper reasons now. She mentioned that she hasn't been feeling wanted, scared of commitment and being in a deep relationship, showing too much attention to the new family pet and not eating the cakes she made me on Valentine's Day!!! Her reasons just didn't add up based on what she has been like, and talked about during our time together they seemed like excuses. She said people change, but it takes months, possibly years to change. Anyway, I seemed to win her round - we were kissing and cuddling, and agreed to take things slow but to go for a meal the next day. She phones me up 10 minutes after going home if we can just go for a drink, and also mentions that her mother was annoyed we patched things up - maybe because she is young and doesn't want her to be tied down. But, I never put any pressures on whatsoever - I want to have fun and live life too. She even told me when she met how she has had the time of her life. The next morning she tells me she is still confused, the drink never materialised and I have just given her space. I left her a momento of all our happy memories and she texted me just to say she'd keep it forever. I didn't respond, and she hasn't contacted me at all since that (7 days ago). I find her no contact business as cold and hugely out of character and its like I've never existed to her. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I want to know what really is the underlying truth, and risk being hurt more or whatever to cool if off myself for a while and be strong. I know you can't make people feel what you feel, but I never thought this would come about. Anyone else had similar experiences? And should I send her a birthday card, it is her 21st birthday?
huck Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 In pretty much the same position as you as you at the mo. We broke up last week because she was confused of her feelings and what she wanted to do with her life. All the little reasons she gave for the split seemed like crap - just wish shed told me earlier so we could of tried to fix it. Im not an expert on what to do - but im getting my mind fixed thats its over, reflecting on any mistakes so I can learn from them. Gonna have a good laugh, think of number 1 and play the single life. If she comes back in the future then i'll cross that bridge at the time. Stay positive - live your life - good luck mate
Author drummerprince81 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 It absolutely sucks mate. I've been in limbo for the last 13 days, not knowing whether to contact or just leave her be. Some people are saying just ask her to meet you and finalise it, others are saying wait for her to come to you. I can't see her coming to me at the moment. And if I don't send her a birthday card - will it backfire on me?!? I am clueless. But, I like your take on things. I honestly believe we were meant to be (she told me the same on plenty of occasions) but if she wants to talk maybe time will tell. In the meantime, I've got to keep active. At the end of the day, it doesn't sound like your girlfriend communicated either. Sorry to hear about your story too.
huck Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Forgot to say - i got the classic line ' we are more like best friends than lovers ' ! - man that sucks. You need some kind of closure. she needs to tell you if youve got a future or not. If she doesnt know - just move on.. Sounds abrupt but you cant keep hanging on until she makes up her mind. Do anything to keep your mind off things.. computer games etc - i joined a gym a couple of weeks ago to do something different - and that helped a lot - stay active and fit.... Maybe go out and flirt/meet some other girls if that helps. Rebounds are normally a no no - but i tried it on the weekend and it boosted my confidence that there are plenty of other single girls out there - a lot prettier and probably not as messed in the mind as my ex..
BCCA Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 we are more like best friends than lovers I'm sure you know this, but thats just a cop out to herself to relieve some guilt. Shes trying to pretend to be unable to change the way things are, so that way, she bears no responsibility. And if you dont want to be friends (which, no self respecting person would), than it is YOU thats actually walking away from her. Twisted, huh? If she doesnt know - just move on Please, listen. Ive been there, trust me on this: She knows. If she says she doesnt, she just doesnt want to tell you. Ive never in my life just flat out not known if I wanted to be with someone. What I have had is doubts, and uncertainty about who else I can meet. If you ask if she wants to be together, and she says she doesnt know, here is the translation: "No, but if I tell you the truth, youre going to be upset and not want anything to do with me. If I keep pretending to not know, you really cant prove I do know, and you might stay on the hook long enough for me to meet someone else, so Im never alone. At that point, ignore me all you want, I wont need you anymore." Thats really all there is to it. My advice is to never bother contacting her again, and go on like she aint coming back.
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