Taramere Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Honestly, PUA's take themselves way too seriously. It's the equivalent of "The Rules" followers, for women. If both genders feel they are the prize--how will real relationships ever form? Perhaps there are "greys" abducting and operating on human beings after all. Removing any shred of self-deprecating "don't take myself too seriously" humour that might make the subject remotely appealing. Part of some inter-galactical conspiracy to stop humans from bonding, pairing and breeding.
Phateless Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Honestly, PUA's take themselves way too seriously. It's the equivalent of "The Rules" followers, for women. If both genders feel they are the prize--how will real relationships ever form? I really wish we would see both men and women invest more energy in finding compatibility, resulting in a greater number of threads on this forum on that topic, as opposed to generalization threads like these. I love how LSers feel compelled to pass judgment on something they haven't even read.
Taramere Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I love how LSers feel compelled to pass judgment on something they haven't even read. I've read The Game....but that didn't strike me as a manual. More of a "personal experience in an unusual (PUA) community" written by someone with a talent for writing in an insightful and entertaining way. I don't recall it having this dictatorial "I have the secret...women are all very simple really" air about it. It was an entertaining book which contained lots of funny/sad/strange anecdotes about some of the characters in this world....and lots of nods to psychology theories that people with an interest in that area would already be well acquainted with. As I recall the author met a woman who derided the PUA community, and he fell in love with her - and was able to be himself with her. Though he still maintained that if he hadn't set out on that personal project, he would never have developed the confidence to speak to a woman like that in the first place. It was fun to read, and he's a good writer - but as far as human nature theory goes, there was nothing new in there. My main beef with PUA is the zealousness of some of these gurus. The almost religious fervour of those who claim to have The Secret. It's about a bunch of guys attempting to weave an aura of specialist expertise and guru status around themselves about a popular subject - women - in order to impress (and, often, elicit hard cash from) other men.
Surfer Dude Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Like people here previously said... don't be a nice guy, be a great guy. Even though most women say "I want a nice gentleman", when a guy like that actually appears (they do all the time, most of men are like that), women auto respond "Awww, you're such a nice guy, but let's just be friends" and goes f*cking some hot guy who can work up her emotions and push her buttons. Evolution made women selective, it got us where we are now and it helped mankind survive. Also, women are attracted to guys with whom they can feel incredible emotional/sexual connection, not some spineless doormat or some jerk idiot who treats women like sh*t. That being said, the art of seduction is not about throwing some cheesy lines in a club, it's about observing what works and applying that knowledge to connect with women in an easy, meaningful way. While I do agree that there are some really weird sociopaths and narcissists in the PUA community, most guys just want to learn what REALLY works in REAL LIFE. It's not shallow or superficial, no more than it is shallow of women to reject nice boring chumps and go for hot bad boys. It's all game, like it or not.
Phateless Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I've read The Game....but that didn't strike me as a manual. More of a "personal experience in an unusual (PUA) community" written by someone with a talent for writing in an insightful and entertaining way. I don't recall it having this dictatorial "I have the secret...women are all very simple really" air about it. It was an entertaining book which contained lots of funny/sad/strange anecdotes about some of the characters in this world....and lots of nods to psychology theories that people with an interest in that area would already be well acquainted with. As I recall the author met a woman who derided the PUA community, and he fell in love with her - and was able to be himself with her. Though he still maintained that if he hadn't set out on that personal project, he would never have developed the confidence to speak to a woman like that in the first place. It was fun to read, and he's a good writer - but as far as human nature theory goes, there was nothing new in there. My main beef with PUA is the zealousness of some of these gurus. The almost religious fervour of those who claim to have The Secret. It's about a bunch of guys attempting to weave an aura of specialist expertise and guru status around themselves about a popular subject - women - in order to impress (and, often, elicit hard cash from) other men. Thank you Tara, you're dead on with all of that. The one comment I have is that ANY motivational speaker behaves the exact same way, be it for weight loss, sales, taking control of your life, learning how to sell cars better, etc etc etc. Any time there is an opportunity for self-improvement people turn it into a business, and this is NOT limited to the PUA community.
Taramere Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Thank you Tara, you're dead on with all of that. The one comment I have is that ANY motivational speaker behaves the exact same way, be it for weight loss, sales, taking control of your life, learning how to sell cars better, etc etc etc. Any time there is an opportunity for self-improvement people turn it into a business, and this is NOT limited to the PUA community. I can't resist posting from the Office (UK). David Brent as motivational speaker! There are times I've been tempted to register with that other site and pose as a David Brent style guru. I was thinking maybe I'd call him Dabre the Sabre, collect a mass of rep points - then eventually unveil myself (not literally) as a female poster from LS.
Phateless Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I can't resist posting from the Office (UK). David Brent as motivational speaker! There are times I've been tempted to register with that other site and pose as a David Brent style guru. I was thinking maybe I'd call him Dabre the Sabre, collect a mass of rep points - then eventually unveil myself (not literally) as a female poster from LS. lol. i would suggest registering if you're curious, despite the context of "banging lots of chicks" there is some extremely level and good advice going around. a lot of those guys are very intelligent and integral people and only looked into game because they just couldn't figure out women on their own.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 lol. i would suggest registering if you're curious, despite the context of "banging lots of chicks" there is some extremely level and good advice going around. a lot of those guys are very intelligent and integral people and only looked into game because they just couldn't figure out women on their own.So Phateless, what's the secret to figuring out women?
Phateless Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 So Phateless, what's the secret to figuring out women? Chocolate and reverse psychology. edit - eye contact and knowing when to leave a little mystery left doesn't hurt either.
Isolde Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I love how LSers feel compelled to pass judgment on something they haven't even read. I'm not exactly passing judgment, I just don't think that this is the kind of thing that needs to be turned into a science. Chemistry just isn't something that can be planned.
tkgirl Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Honestly, PUA's take themselves way too seriously. It's the equivalent of "The Rules" followers, for women. If both genders feel they are the prize--how will real relationships ever form? I really wish we would see both men and women invest more energy in finding compatibility, resulting in a greater number of threads on this forum on that topic, as opposed to generalization threads like these. so true! like, what a concept... being yourself and finding true compability! thanks Isolde
MN randomguy Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Chemistry just isn't something that can be planned. Chemistry is such a good word for it. Just as scientific Chemistry, if you see it and do not understand it its magic. If you ever hope to manipulate it you must understand it.
You'reasian Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Even though most women say "I want a nice gentleman", when a guy like that actually appears (they do all the time, most of men are like that), women auto respond "Awww, you're such a nice guy, but let's just be friends" and goes f*cking some hot guy who can work up her emotions and push her buttons.. Spot on. If you want to have a good time, don't take yourself seriously, be a gentleman AND push the buttons/work the emotions.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Spot on. If you want to have a good time, don't take yourself seriously, be a gentleman AND push the buttons/work the emotions. Gawd, this type of thing drives me ape! Why don't you guys just stop with the manipulation tactics and just be human? The more you push buttons and work emotions, the more you're going to be considered inconsistent and the more you're going to get rejected as relationship material. On the otherhand, if all you want is to find a girl to bang, I suppose that's all you need, outter game with zero substance.
You'reasian Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Gawd, this type of thing drives me ape! Why don't you guys just stop with the manipulation tactics and just be human? The more you push buttons and work emotions, the more you're going to be considered inconsistent and the more you're going to get rejected as relationship material. On the otherhand, if all you want is to find a girl to bang, I suppose that's all you need, outter game with zero substance. What's wrong with not taking yourself seriously and being a gentleman. You ladies love to laugh and we enjoy making you laugh Being a gentleman is a practice of good upbringing - but it doesn't mean we're gonna be doormats either. If a woman thinks a guy like myself has no substance, she's not looking for it or hasn't made the effort to have a deep conversation. Besides, I'm not going to bore every date about socio-political-economic-cultural talks. I have no desire to get friend zoned THAT quickly... And that still doesn't change the fact that you are attracted to bad boys who can push your buttons
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 What's wrong with not taking yourself seriously and being a gentleman. You ladies love to laugh and we enjoy making you laugh Being a gentleman is a practice of good upbringing - but it doesn't mean we're gonna be doormats either. If a woman thinks a guy like myself has no substance, she's not looking for it or hasn't made the effort to have a deep conversation. Besides, I'm not going to bore every date about socio-political-economic-cultural talks. I have no desire to get friend zoned THAT quickly... And that still doesn't change the fact that you are attracted to bad boys who can push your buttons There's nothing wrong with being a gentleman and not taking yourself seriously. Manipulation sucks. It's piss poor advertisement by drumming up false demand. When the real guy comes out afterwards, it's a complete disappointment. Most often he's got zero substance or is an arsehole.
kashmir Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Chemistry is such a good word for it. Just as scientific Chemistry, if you see it and do not understand it its magic. If you ever hope to manipulate it you must understand it. I can see where social chemistry and physical chemistry overlap. When rufies react with and increase the affinity of GABA receptors in a girl, slowing her central nervous system, her social chemical standards become a lot less demanding! Gawd, this type of thing drives me ape! Why don't you guys just stop with the manipulation tactics and just be human? Because it doesn't work?
39388 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 This is a fascinating thread. It is particularly interesting to see what the men say and what the women say. I'm getting more and more a picture of what I need to do to find a good woman. I'm looking for marriage (as opposed to a relationship where the goals are primarily physical). The whole idea seems to be having confidence and being able to have a good time with women. Rather than being serious all the time it seems to pay off to joke around with them also. There seems to be a balance that I'm trying to find.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Because it doesn't work? Women aren't toys, objects or machinery that you can make "work". When you guys have finally figured this out, perhaps you'll find someone you can seriously connect with, that is unless you're not terribly interested in connecting with anyone on a serious level. If not, then PUA away...
You'reasian Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Women aren't toys, objects or machinery that you can make "work". When you guys have finally figured this out, perhaps you'll find someone you can seriously connect with, that is unless you're not terribly interested in connecting with anyone on a serious level. If not, then PUA away... I have a serious connection with someone whom I am getting to know - but the point of this discussion is to show no BS about what people say and do when it comes to dating. Relationships are the real deal.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I have a serious connection with someone whom I am getting to know - but the point of this discussion is to show no BS about what people say and do when it comes to dating. Relationships are the real deal. Can you explain the bolded text? I don't understand it.
39388 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 There's nothing wrong with being a gentleman and not taking yourself seriously. Manipulation sucks. It's piss poor advertisement by drumming up false demand. When the real guy comes out afterwards, it's a complete disappointment. Most often he's got zero substance or is an arsehole. That seems to be a great combination which I'm just figuring out can go together. Maybe the manipulation is better for the one night stands??? I have absolutely no interest in such a thing for many reasons.
kashmir Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Women aren't toys, objects or machinery that you can make "work". When you guys have finally figured this out, perhaps you'll find someone you can seriously connect with, that is unless you're not terribly interested in connecting with anyone on a serious level. If not, then PUA away... As others have repeated, a few pompous a-hole PUA's make the whole thing seem bad. I'm bad with social skills. Unlike some guys, I can't naturally talk to a girl and get her interested in me. I'm an interesting person with interesting things about me, but I can't seem to put them forward right. That's where the PUA community can help. They can help me improve my speech and body language in order to show that I am an interesting guy. I've gone up to girls as a polite gentleman. I tell them a bit about myself and ask questions about them. I try to be interested in what they are passionate about as best as possible. This doesn't work. Girls get bored with a guy who doesn't have some tricks up his sleeve. Having an "edge" isn't enough either. I have some very unique things about my speaking and body language. I use a lot of hand gestures and have a way of being goofy/sarcastic. I have a pretty good imagination and express it in an interesting way. It isn't enough though. From what I've seen, a guy needs to "push certain buttons" in order to succeed, and I don't know how to do that.
You'reasian Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Can you explain the bolded text? I don't understand it. I'd rather light your fire by trial.
peteyj Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Far too many guys who attempt to learn all these 'rules' and the game are usually the ones who don't have much substance and much else to back it up. They have to make up stuff because they really don't have anything to say. Who the hell cares what somebody thinks of you. If you go up to somebody or you're on a date and they just aren't into you, then move on. Why the hell are you wasting time? If you are so desperate to get laid or to find somebody and you have to fake everything about yourself, then the reality is what some of these other posters said are right. As soon as the real you does come out, you look like an idiot. If you aren't the social butterfly or the bad boy, don't pretend that you are. Learn to have real confidence, learn to live your own life, learn to not give a damn whether or not somebody likes you. All these 'rules' come off as nothing but desperation most of the time. If all you are is ten steps in some manual, then that's all you really are no matter how much you pretend not to be. Kind of sad really,.
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