AMM003 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Going on 6 weeks of NC. I was in a LTR of almost 6 years. She started doing the emotional cheating (texting, email) 3 weeks before the break. Then broke it off. Then was probably with him very soon after(within a few days). Have had no contact since and havent tried either. Just trying to do my own thing to keep my mind busy. Do women that do this kind of thing really feel anything since they are with someone alse right away? Or are they oblivious since they rebounded so quickly?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 By the time she cheated, she was already 95% of the way out of the relationship and increasing OM's percentage exponentially. By the time she walked out, she was up to 100%, had replaced our percentage with his, and with no intention of looking back or worrying about the consequences. I'm sure she may have felt pretty bad when she was less than half of the way out but by the time they reach the cheating point, you won't find much remorse.
Truly Lost Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 She didn't rebound. She was over the relationship she had with you. Some people can't handle being alone, so she waited till she found interest in someone else before she broke things off. Had she not found someone else she might of stuck around longer, but that would have been for selfish reasons, not out of love for you. You both had a long relationship together and I'm positive she hasn't forgotten about that. She may find that her newest relationship doesn't last long. If it doesn't you will probably be getting a call from her, but that will happen when she finds herself alone. She may call you even sooner than that because she will be harboring guilt. But don't confuse that with an attempt on her part to get back together. Hopefully by that time you will have done your healing. If she does attempt to get back together, don't take her back immediately. You have to fix what ever caused your break up. If she left because she fell out of love, then I'm afraid there isn't much you can do about that. I am sorry that you are hurting right now, but things will get better with time. Hang in there. 1
a_f_w Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 indeed, it's not a rebound at all, but a smooth transfer from one relationship to the next. I had the chance to speak to my ex about it and she explained that she now felt no regret or remorse, nor concern for how it affected me, nor any emotions towards me at all, in fact. No one can help how they feel, I guess. All we can do is be sure not to interact meaningfully with people prone to such an attitude. Chances are that she doesn't care one bit about how it ended or what's happening with you now - sorry. 1
socialight Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 all of the above posters are correct. You should not concern yourself the slightest with her well being, thoughts, or her life with the new guy.
BCCA Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 As some others have mentioned, she transitioned, she didnt break up, accept being alone, and find another relationship. She just kept you on the hook long enough to find a replacement. This stuff happens more often than you think, in fact, almost every girl that dumped me was with someone within a week or two after dumping me. They rationalize that since they didnt sleep with the other person WHILE with you, theyve done nothing wrong. Most people dont really put much stock into emotional cheating, they think as long as intercourse didnt occur - they didnt cheat. Im sure she feels next to no remorse for her actions, because if she did, she would be overwhelmed with guilt, and she doesnt want that. All she can do is convince herself that this is better for both of you, because after all - you dont want to be with her if shes interested in someone else. Flawed logic, for sure, but the human mind works in mysterious ways. Sadly, as far as she was concerned, it was over long before she told you. You were just unfortunately the last to know.
Author AMM003 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Thanks for perspectives. I know its alittle different for a lot of folks. But a lot of the variables are yet the same. Thanks for the words of encouragement as well. I am doing alright, all things considered. I wouldn't really know what to say if I was contacted. It would be awkward to say the least. And I don't really think there would be anything that I would deem beneficial. Does thaat make sense? So it's kind of nice thinking I don't have to do something that is emotionally draining. I can just "No Thank You" politely, if I was asked to talk. Anyhow, I have been the dumper and know how I felt in the aftermath. I guess it's really not that different from the ladies.
EmperorR Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 They feel nothing towards you those selfish cheating pieces of scum 1
chrissreef Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Sorry to hear about this - I'm currently going through the EXACT same thing with my ex fiancee 2.5 yrs together. DON'T pick up when she calls (she will call - I made this mistake and you need to be prepared b4 talking to her - and act like you're having fun, aloof and nothing wrong... don't beg her or inquire about "them" it pushes them away, I know from experience). Mine said she doesn't regret what she did - so i didn't even bother asking for an apology. At about a month before it happened she mentioned some new personal trainer at her gym and I said "sounds like you want to screw them" she didn't respond so I took it as a joke. Maybe she was already leaving me emotionally - but she said up to the day she broke it off that she loved me sooooo much, so i was blindsided. It's been almost 3 months now and I'm still hurt but I get a tad better every day. Despite her saying she didn't regret what she did, within the first 2 months I got a few emails/texts that said things like the following. I attribute it to "guilt" in hurting me rather than "regret". "thank you for being so kind, and I do love you" and other mixed signals from "i don't know what came over me" to "i love you, and I miss this/that about you" to "i think i want us to date again, I just need time to know myself" to "if i came back now, i couldn't give 100% and I only want to come back if I can" to "I can't think what I want, it's too soon" to "he would be easy to break up with if I wanted to" to "we can be friends" to "I can't date two people at once, it confuses me" to "I want you in my life, I just don't know how" to "time will heal us, then we will live" to "it's over, i'm in another relationship, move on, I'm gone" later followed by "i love you" and then "happy birthday!". Due to all this, I have no idea what she's thinking and she's not acting like the girl I "know". I've expressed grief and have begged to have her back. She said she's thought about giving me another chance but she hasn't made any moves to really get that going. She's not very responsive to emails and won't talk on the phone for the most part. I've thought about writing her an email in our typical playful fashion but was advised not to by literally everyone. When I think about the new guy she's with, I really don't see how it's working, but I guess it is still and strong. I think he's just giving her the attention that she was missing from me (but never told me). She's never cheated on anyone else in the past, has been cheated on, but she does go from one relationship to the next. 3 months, 4 yrs, 3 months, 2.5 yrs (me), now this guy... I'm crossing my fingers. Anyway, I rambled, best of luck! I'm right there with ya!
Author AMM003 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks chrisreef. And thats what I don't want. I don't want any dragging along. I dont know if I will get a call or not. I really want to keep NC. I have never been one to like the "drama". And will do anything to keep it out of my life. And with "lines" like you just wrote, I think I would just sit there listening. I know exactly what I would say. And that is nothing. No response. I consider myself lucky. I have read alot of sad and angry things here on these posts. I can understand alot of those feelings. I am getting along just fine without her. I have days better than others. But every day, it gets better overall. I can feel the indifference more and more every day. I wish that too for all of the folks here. I hope things get better sooner than later for everyone here. 1
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