Isolde Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 What makes people sometimes feel compelled to explain away a rejection after just one or two dates??? I was pompously rejected once, and I admit to also having written a pompous rejection message once (I REALLY regret it!). What motivates such messages? Guilt? Confusion? The thirst for drama or delusions of grandeur? Share your P.R. stories here Should be funny.
sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 When I was trying out internet dating, I emailed a few guys back and forth. One guy emailed me after one exchange and said he "didn't think we would be compatible"- can't remember the exact words but it came off as pretty arrogant. Anyway the next week I went on a date with the guy who is now my husband. Funnily enough, the "rejection guy" is STILL on the same dating site (was checking out guys on it with my friend- for her!) nearly 3 years later, and still using the same photo.... which is a little out of date!
Trimmer Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Yeah, I would have thought that a simple "don't think we're compatible" would be a pretty minimal, neutral, non-accusatory brush-off... Isolde - can you give an example of a pompous one? And SB, can you give an example of a neutral, appropriate one? Now I'm all confused! It's a minefield out there!
runner Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 never been pompously rejected, or done it myself, but i'd reckon it's largely an inflated ego mixed in with a bit of guilt and a whole lot of confusion.
sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 How about just saying "You're not my bag, baby, but I am sure you could be someone elses?" Kidding. Well, to be fair the not compatible one wasn't THAT bad, but I thought it was a little bit arrogant seeing as we exchanged all of ONE email. I think it would have been better if he had just not replied to be honest. I don't know... I just don't know how you can know that after one email- wouldn't it be better to not even make contact in the first place surely their profile would be enough to tell you you aren't compatible. Maybe I am being unfair...
Trimmer Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 How about just saying "You're not my bag, baby, but I am sure you could be someone elses?" Kidding. Well, to be fair the not compatible one wasn't THAT bad, but I thought it was a little bit arrogant seeing as we exchanged all of ONE email. I think it would have been better if he had just not replied to be honest. I don't know... I just don't know how you can know that after one email- wouldn't it be better to not even make contact in the first place surely their profile would be enough to tell you you aren't compatible. Maybe I am being unfair... Oh, I see what you mean - like assuming he could judge your long-term viability after only that short email exchange... I would think the "not compatible" line might be OK after a date or two though, yes?
Green Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 The most pompous rejection I got was outside a lounge where a girl said "you are dismissed" the most pompous rejection I ever gave a girl was in middle school when I told a girl she look constipated and I would never go out with her although she brought it on herself when she said I was a homo or something after nicely rejecting her
Viking Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Isolde, you're too hot to reject! I got the "I'm flattered at your interest, but I'm not interested..." recently. Frankly that was fine because I was bored. Cost me $43 to find out though.
sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Oh, I see what you mean - like assuming he could judge your long-term viability after only that short email exchange... I would think the "not compatible" line might be OK after a date or two though, yes? Yes, of course. At least then you have seen the person in the flesh!!!
Sam Spade Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It has happened to me a couple of times, and that's mostly a mild entertainment. Pompous rejections make me feel like I've dodged a bullet. The thought that goes through my head is "how presumptious do you have to be to think that I care about your idiosyncratic rationalizations?!??" :). I think it's a sign of insecurity. So, better to be avoided. When I do the rejecting, if it is just 1 or 2 dates I simply disapear. If it is 3-5 dates, simple email or phone call suffices. If it is more than 5 dates, need to go face to face.
MN randomguy Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I think we're not compatible is saying that he didn't like something in your profile and didn't want to be specific.
St. Nick Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 The most pompous rejection I've gotten is "ugh, are you serious?"
kashmir Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I once felt really good because I got the balls to ask this really hot girl out and she accepted. I waited at the dining hall for 30 minutes. She eventually came - with a friend. The whole time they were analyzing me, picking on the fact that I was shaking a bit and some other things. They made me feel like they were evaluating everything I did. I was in the middle of saying something and the girl I asked out interrupted me and said, "Like, shouldn't you be going now?" At least I got a date that time. I've had some pretty bad rejections right off the bat, like "With that nose? Hah." There was one time I asked for a girl's number. She said, "ummm," grabbed the nearest hot guy and started kissing him. She then whispered something in his ear and he gave me the finger. I felt like bashing the tool's pretty face in.
lofi_tokyo Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Personally, I find rejecting people REALLY hard, especially if you have only gone on one or two dates with a person. I feel awkward saying "I don't think we're compatible", because at that point I don't know if thats a fair judgment to pass. I generally end up just not returning texts or calls, which I realize is a crummy way of dealing with things, but... I guess I'm a bit of a coward. Its either that, or I make it clear that I've friend-zoned the guy. :S
Author Isolde Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 whats a pompous rejection? A pompous rejection is a rejection that is out of the ordinary. It's much more detailed and elaborate than a simple "Sorry, but no." Generally it's after 1-2 dates and involves a long and drawn out explanation over several paragraphs including all the reasons the compatibility/chemistry isn't there.
Author Isolde Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Kashmir, wow, that's harsh. What kind of normal person does that kind of thing? Green that's pretty funny
Author Isolde Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 When I do the rejecting, if it is just 1 or 2 dates I simply disapear. If it is 3-5 dates, simple email or phone call suffices. If it is more than 5 dates, need to go face to face. Yeah, I think this is actually a pretty good guide.
confused_2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I think I probably did a pompous rejection once. I hung out with a girl a few times and basically rejected her by saying it felt like we were trying to force something. She said okay, we were just hanging out. Looking back, I was definitely an ass, but at the time I had good intentions. I HATE when people string other people along at all and I thought by coming out with exactly how I felt it would be the better thing to do. You live and learn I guess.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I had a friend go out on 2 dates with this guy. I actually saw them on their second date, and the dude seemed normal. On the second date they made out a little bit but she didn't want to have sex. He wrote her a nasty email, saying amonsgts other things, that she was a "frigid bitch" because she didn't want to have sex with him. Seriously wacked!!!! Another friend just called me the other day to tell me that she went out on one date. The guy was interrogating her, she said. Just shooting off question after question, no normal back and forth. After the date she was on her way home and he texted her- he said, delete my number from your phone! Why was that necessary? Why didn't he just not call again? Wacked.
OpenBook Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Well I don't know about "pompous", but I've gotten (and given) a few cold rejections in my life, and they are brutal. It's the coldness/lack of heart and humanity in them that bothers me. "Pompous" would just make me laugh. One time I rejected (politely, I thought) an online guy with a simple "No thanks, I'm not interested" - and he emailed me back asking why, what's the reason, do I have a problem or something, what's the point of my ad if I'm just going to reject people, etc. etc. etc. etc. He wanted to ARGUE with me about it!! I couldn't believe it. Sheesh.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I had a friend go out on 2 dates with this guy. I actually saw them on their second date, and the dude seemed normal. On the second date they made out a little bit but she didn't want to have sex. He wrote her a nasty email, saying amonsgts other things, that she was a "frigid bitch" because she didn't want to have sex with him. Seriously wacked!!!! Another friend just called me the other day to tell me that she went out on one date. The guy was interrogating her, she said. Just shooting off question after question, no normal back and forth. After the date she was on her way home and he texted her- he said, delete my number from your phone! Why was that necessary? Why didn't he just not call again? Wacked.
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Another friend just called me the other day to tell me that she went out on one date. The guy was interrogating her, she said. Just shooting off question after question, no normal back and forth. After the date she was on her way home and he texted her- he said, delete my number from your phone! Why was that necessary? Why didn't he just not call again? Wacked. My roommate received a similar message from someone she was hooking up with: "Just so you know, I'm deleting your number from my phone." WTF?
Lindarose84 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I think THE most pompous rejection of all time is ignoring someone. I've gotten a few of those. I'd rather a guy spew the most asinine things to me than to not say anything at all. For someone to ignore someone else smacks of pompousness- it's like, who the hell do you think you are not to at least owe someone a simple text or email that just says "no". It takes two seconds....
Author Isolde Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 My roommate received a similar message from someone she was hooking up with: "Just so you know, I'm deleting your number from my phone." WTF? That's not a pompous rejection, that's a cruel-and-unusual rejection.
Recommended Posts