yanx84 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Hi everyone, I want to thank you all for reading this. I get very detailed when I write. So I met this girl at a house party thrown by a friend. Everything is going real well and the flirting is progressively turning more physical as the day goes on. We meet sometime around noon at this party and through the course of the day we went bar hopping and back and forth until the night was over, nearly 9 hours later. I think its important for the reader to understand that this wasn't just some random hookup on some Saturday night. We flirted, kissed, danced, flirted some more, talked, hugged and held hands until the night was over. Right before we make our way outside to part ways we're alone finally and we really start to kiss, no more innocent pecks on the check. She's smiling and pulling away ever so gently. Pulling me back into her, when she whispers "i had my heart broken recently.. lets take it slow". So anyway we part ways and she tells me to let her know when I get home. So I tell her I'll send her a text. We part ways and I send her a text when I get home. She doesn't return the text. Not a big deal I'm thinking. I finally call her about 2 days later (Tues). No answer. I leave her a brief voice mail letting her know it's me calling. She doesn't return the phone call that day so I assume she isn't interested. She finally calls on Thursday, nearly 2 days later and leaves me a voice mail. Now I'm thinking maybe she's just nervous like I am but I'm also thinking about what she said to me when we we kissed. About how she had her heart broken and she wants to take things slow.. So anyway, I call her and we set up a date for next Friday which will be nearly 2 weeks since we met. Here's my question. How do I go about this date? I want to continue that lust but I'm starting to think that might not be appropriate. Like I should be more respectful on this date and get to know her better. The only precaution I worry about, is whether or not me being respectful will cause her to think I'm not interested anymore, therefore making her not interested anymore. We're meeting up Friday and she text me she has to meet up with friends from school at some point. So it will most likely be a short encounter. We had such great chemistry and lust going last week. I just hope it can continue cause I really liked this girl. Thanks again for reading.
yeex Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Oh dude, your overanalyzing it. Go on the date with her and go with the flow. I think when you are in the situation you will know what to do. Don't worry about what she said about taking it slow. That may mean she does not want a serious relationship at the moment. She hung around you a lot of that day for a reason and she called you back eventually which does mean she is interested. I say go with the same mindset you did last time you were with her before she made the "take it slow" comment, but don't be a sleaze ball and just try and get into her pants.
yeex Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Oh dude, your overanalyzing it. Go on the date with her and go with the flow. I think when you are in the situation you will know what to do. Don't worry about what she said about taking it slow. That may mean she does not want a serious relationship at the moment. She hung around you a lot of that day for a reason and she called you back eventually which does mean she is interested. I say go with the same mindset you did last time you were with her before she made the "take it slow" comment, but don't be a sleaze ball and just try and get into her pants. Actually build up to that same mindset. Don't put it on too strong at first.
Author yanx84 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 okay thanks! she's a really sweet girl and wanted to make sure i get this right. i guess the same could apply to how much I should be contacting her too. you're right, she must like me to go on this date with me and all. I guess I am over analyzing too much, but is randomly texting her about how her day was too much? i would think when a girl says lets take it slow it would also apply to that aspect of the dating as well. not so much just the physical but the talking part too.
Cherished Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 If a guy told me on a date that he had his heart broken recently, I would not go out with him again. If I am not amazing enough to him to help him forget his last girlfriend and it is the point he is mentioning it on a date, buh-bye. If he calls 6 months later and states "I'm really sorry for my behavior - I really am at my best behavior and want to do it right this time" I would consider it. MENTIONING OR REFERRING TO AN EX AT ALL IS BAD DATE FORM, PEOPLE. IT IS JUST SCREAMING "I'D RATHER BE WITH MY EX RIGHT NOW, NOT YOU."
Author yanx84 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 she didnt bring up her ex. she just stated that she had her heart broken and wanted to take it slow..
Phateless Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 she didnt bring up her ex. she just stated that she had her heart broken and wanted to take it slow.. Just relax. She obviously likes you and feels comfortable pulling you in when she wants you, so BE CAREFUL not to come on too strong. Have fun, be yourself, do exactly what you were doing when you guys met. Every now and then, make sure you back off for a little while to give her room to breathe and then decide she wants to come to you. Never underestimate the power of holding back.
carhill Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 My instinct is something is going to happen between now and Friday and that the ex isn't done yet. I'm with Cherished on this one. I'd probably date someone else if I was looking for something serious. At minimum, do not invest any emotion into this. Keep it light and fun. The wild day was a distraction, considering you just had met. She'll be having second thoughts, even more so than already. Be aware
voldigicam Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I would go just out of curiosity! But I'm a sucker. I don't find that formal hurts at all. I'm very old school, I suppose. I tend to be funny but semi-formal in email. Straightforward. Hold doors. Complement gently. I prefer the passion to break through from the other party. "Good afternoon, Ms. Suzi. Thank you for coming." Pull out chair, seat the young lady. I notice the younger generation of men do not do this very much. And that all generations of women appreciate this. I tend to use someone's name almost immediately. And "thank you." Only once on the thank you per significant event. After about 15 minutes I'll sneak something in. "Pardon me for commenting, but I love your _______" Something a woman would like to hear, depending on how things are going. For example ". . . dress. It really suits you. I enjoy being with someone who has a balanced sense of fashion." This approach establishes boundaries while creating a special intimate bubble around the two of you. Drop to just the first name very carefully at an appropriate moment. For example, when your hand is close to hers, just touch it lightly, then use her first name, just a little slowly. This approach seems to really set folks at ease, feeling special, and provides a safe environment where you two can see each other and dance the dance. It works very well on my SO, who will eventually start bubbling and get very friendly. Even those who aren't an SO react well. Worth training yourself. Good service out at dinner, lots of smiles. Even guys like people to be very polite and well spoken. It's part of being a gentleman, making others feel at home. And that allows you to see where they are.
St. Nick Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 If a guy told me on a date that he had his heart broken recently, I would not go out with him again. If I am not amazing enough to him to help him forget his last girlfriend and it is the point he is mentioning it on a date, buh-bye. If he calls 6 months later and states "I'm really sorry for my behavior - I really am at my best behavior and want to do it right this time" I would consider it. MENTIONING OR REFERRING TO AN EX AT ALL IS BAD DATE FORM, PEOPLE. IT IS JUST SCREAMING "I'D RATHER BE WITH MY EX RIGHT NOW, NOT YOU." You're overanalysing it. She merely stated recently that she had her heart broken and wanted to take it slow. I just think she meant she didn't want to have sex with a guy she just met. And that I think means she wants a relationship, rather than casual sex with a man she met 9 hours ago. Back to the OP: listen to the other dudes. They gave you the right answer.
jadelil25 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 You need to calm down, relax and breathe. You are overanalyzing everything and worrying to much. You just need to go with the flow and have fun. Thats what dating is about having fun, enjoying yourself and getting to know the other person better. The best thing you can do is not talk about her past and just have general chit chat and talk about any interests which you share. Keep the conversation light and fun but also try to learn more about her. Just show her how fun,nice and caring you can be. Dont make any moves on her and let her lean in towards you for a kiss and cuddle. Smile at her and make lots of eye contact. This will show that you are really interested but does not make it look like you are coming on strong. After the date if she has not made any contact with you just give her a hug to say good bye. Then leave it a day or two before calling her or messaging her and saying that you had a nice time. After you have sent the message leave the ball in her court. Let her get back to you and then maybe ask her for another date. Just dont put any pressure on anything, just focus on having fun and getting to know her more. Im sure that all will be fine and she seems like she likes you but just wants to spend time getting to know you first before getting in to anything serious. You dont need to do anything differently, just calm down and focus on having fun. It will be fine!
Author yanx84 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 So I went on the date last night and it went great! I can't believe I got myself so worked up over it. We met for drinks a few hours before she had to go meet up with her brother who she hadn't seen in a while. Greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Just as we left off 2 weeks ago, the chemistry was great. Lots of flirting and just really good discussion getting to know each other. We mainly just talked about like/dislikes and family for the majority of the time. I almost ALWAYS had a smile on her face and she looked amazing. I probably should have told her that. Anyways.. the whole time like I said she was smiling, laughing and being flirtatious. As was I. She kept hitting me on the shoulder which was about the only physical contact we had, other than when we left the bar and we put our arms around each other as I walked her to her car. She drove me to my car and I gave her a little kiss on the lips, told her I would call and off I went. I thought I kept it pretty respectful this time. Not pushing myself on her too much this time and showing her that I respect her. Now here's my next question for this thread.. Even though I said I would call.. Should I wait to see if she calls me first? So far I've done all the initial contact of setting up the first date so I feel like she should call me now or something.. I sent her a text today because I had met up with my friends after the date and ended up losing my keys, so I just felt compelled to wanna tell her that in a playful way, ya know. I'm starting to think of this girl as a friend and I want her to feel the same way. But she never even responded to the text. Like I expected something. Did I text too soon after the date? Should I send another text in a couple of days letting her know I had a good time? Help me on this one guys. I appreciate it.
carhill Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 No more texting. Wait a few days and call her. If VM, invite her to call you back. Ask her out. Smile (yes, I know she can't see you) as you're doing it. Continue smiling regardless of what she says. It's light and fun. It's not serious. Get back to us
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