lianefoly Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Hi all, I went to 2 dates with this guy who seems pretty cool and adorable. I feel like he very interested and we already have a third date setup. I believe that he doesn't look that bad, not especially my type but I think I could like him more with time. I have dated my "type" many times but I end up running after them which is a change to have someone that seems more into me then I am into him. Anyway my problem is the way he dresses and look, I may seem shallow but I know I am usually not, I am very fashion aware. I don't expect him to wear the latest fashion but at least some decent clothing. I believe that he could look so much better if he dressed different. His hair and clothes are just like he doesn't care and he shoe kill me. He had that shoe on the first date (the kind of shoes people wear for construction work) and I couldn't believe when I saw him with the same shoe on the second date. Sometime when we are together I would forget about that but as soon I look down at his shoe I couldn't believe that such an young and educated guy could have such a bad taste (or I guess he doesn't care). From talking to him I feel like he could accept suggestions but I don't know how to bring that without hurting his feeling...I am too shallow? I just know that I wont feel comfortable walking with him if we start dating. I don't know if I should just give up or keep around and find a way to talk about. I don't believe about changing people from the inside but as this is an outside change I hope that could be possible. Please let me know if I am wrong or selfish or if I should just stop seeing him. Thanks.
confused_2008 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I guess my opinion is you are shallow. If I was about to go on a third date with a girl and she was already criticizing my wardrobe, I'd think she was kind of rude and/or controlling. I guess rather than rejecting him outright, you could suggest he make a change. I personally would walk away at that point, but if he takes your suggestion and sticks around, it might mean he's really into you. Or he's desperate.
Author lianefoly Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 I think if I was shallow, I wouldn't even bother go to a third date with him. It is because I believe that got to be something more then just the physical that I give it a chance. I think that chemistry is important and chemistry happens physically as well as emotionally. I just think that if you are going to a date you should at least take care of yourself. When I go to a date I make sure that I am clean and well dressed. Beside what everybody said if we are honest with ourselves we know that it is important that the opposite sex looks good on a date. By the way I am not saying that I would suggest a change by the third date, I agree that would be rude, but I just know that I would have that in my mind and one day or the day I would have to say something... One more note, accepting that you don't have any clue is some area like (how to dress) don't make you desperate. In my previous relationship my ex boyfriend didn't like the way i was eating in public, and I welcomed his advice a now I am proud when I eat in public...
Still Trying Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I think if I was shallow, I wouldn't even bother go to a third date with him. It is because I believe that got to be something more then just the physical that I give it a chance. I think that chemistry is important and chemistry happens physically as well as emotionally. I just think that if you are going to a date you should at least take care of yourself. When I go to a date I make sure that I am clean and well dressed. Beside what everybody said if we are honest with ourselves we know that it is important that the opposite sex looks good on a date. By the way I am not saying that I would suggest a change by the third date, I agree that would be rude, but I just know that I would have that in my mind and one day or the day I would have to say something... One more note, accepting that you don't have any clue is some area like (how to dress) don't make you desperate. In my previous relationship my ex boyfriend didn't like the way i was eating in public, and I welcomed his advice a now I am proud when I eat in public... There's no good way to approach this until you decide that he's worth being in a real relationship with - you're already coming up with ways of grooming him? Nah, I'd run for the hills if I was him. Too many fish in the sea for foolishness like this. Women always want to change men, that's the problem. People DON'T change (for anyone but themselves)!
confused_2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I think if I was shallow, I wouldn't even bother go to a third date with him. One more note, accepting that you don't have any clue is some area like (how to dress) don't make you desperate. Okay, you're not shallow then. You're a great person for looking beyond his wardrobe faults in the short term. Is that what you wanted to hear? Why did you ask if you're going to automatically rebut whatever opinion is offered? I get so sick of people doing that on these boards (sorry you had to hear it). And, because he wore work boots means he has no clue how to dress? Maybe he's most comfortable in those boots or he doesn't have any other causal shoes for whatever reason. I'm just saying I wouldn't put up with it unless I was really interested or desperate for companionship.
Author lianefoly Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 I guess you are right! I am more shallow then I thought Nobody really changes. I guess it is not worth to try so hard to like someone, when there is no chemistry, there isn't, cant do anything about that. Thanks for your reply anyway!
Still Trying Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I guess you are right! I am more shallow then I thought Nobody really changes. I guess it is not worth to try so hard to like someone, when there is no chemistry, there isn't, cant do anything about that. Thanks for your reply anyway! don't expect to hear what you want to hear on these forums - it's sorta like what they're for!
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