ScepticalDave Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You'll have to bare with me. I'm not the most articulate person, and this problem has a lot of background. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm at a complete loss and know not how to react. I used to be engaged, and am still very much in love with my ex. Unfortunately, if you asked any one of my friends, they'd tell you I'd lost my mind, and going back would be the biggest mistake ever. Undoubtedly so, her friends would probably say the same thing. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I should start at the beginning. My name is David, and I met her 2 years ago, when I returned to my home town. At this point in my life I was extremely well off for my age. I'd done a lot and seen even more, but I had never seen anyone like her. We started to date, and things were amazing. I did everything I could for her. I helped her when she needed it, I took her out constantly, and I even forgave her flaws, as I hoped she would forgive mine. To make a long story short, we got engaged a year later. Everything seemed so perfect. But she had a problem, she was still stuck in the party scene so many people my age seem to get stuck in. She began to lie, not to me, but about me. She began to become angry and violent (once) when drunk. But I always forgave her and tried to help. I went through a down time, where I wasn't able to do for her the thing I once was, and I guess she couldn't wait anymore. That month was the worst, and even more so as I became frustrated, and started to not be able to handle it. So, I broke it off out of frustration. I tried to get her back, but she wanted nothing to do with it. it's been a little over a month, and I'm back doing better than ever. In fact the odds of me ever having to worry about a period like that coming again, are ridiculous. For a while we couldn't even be friends. We were both so bitter. and she was still lying to everyone, and I hated that. A million reasons to call me an *******, why make one up? So, I stopped initiating conversations and tried to move on. She texts me and calls me a few times a week, and sometimes invites me over, and we hang out. Most of the time this results in casual sex. And other times it feels more like an interrogation, a bombardment of questions about what I'm doing, etc. She's already with a guy who lives in another town, and talking to another who lives even further away. And I can tell from the way she talks about one of them, that she is seemingly falling for him. But then there are other times when we're alone, and she doesn't have to explain it to her friends that she looks at me, or says something that is obvious she still has feelings. My question is this. I fear that if I tell her I still want her, I'll lose any chance at a friendship. But if I don't, I may lose her regardless and regret it forever. Please help. I'm so confused and tired.
wooha Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It is scary how much we have in common. To the T I tell you. It's been 5 months since my wedding was cancelled. Same thing, when times got tight she became a miserable b*tch. Read my threads and see what I've been through-exactly what you've been through. Mine called a few times a while back, but just to throw me a crumb. No sex since December-so I could start healing. My advice to you is to haul A*S. Never speak to that money hungry, vindictive c*nt again. Trust me brother-I know what you're dealing with. It hurts me still, but I'm coming out on the other side-slowy but surely. It feels good to know someone else had the same situation-I was feeling somewhat alone.
me2 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Yeah, don't put yourself through it. I'm not perfect, that's evident by my thread but that's pretty harsh. I'm thinking of making this my new mantra - Love was a sacred garment, woven of a fabric so thin that it could not be seen, yet so strong that even mighty death could not tear it, a garment that could not be frayed by use, that brought warmth into what would otherwise be an intolerably cold world - but at times love could also be as heavy as chainmail. Bearing the burden of love, on those ocassions when it was a solemn weight, made it more precious when, in better times, it caught the wind in sleeves like wings - and lifted you. From a Koontz book I was reading last week.
kimbop Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 SkepticalDave, you need to ask yourself. Would you want to remain friends with someone who lies about you? Would you even take this type of disrespectful treatment from your other friends? My opinion, if it amounts to any, is that she's not in a state of mind to settle down. Her partying state is something many people go through. But eventually when maturity kicks in, usually people calm down. I mean, after the hundredth hangover and worshipping the porcelin god while feeling pretty cr*ppy about it, one usually wakes up and realize, "wow, this is just da*n awful." If this is a perpetual thing that she will never let go, do you want to have children with someone who may want to spend her nights at a bar rather than take care of the children at home with you? Hell, I don't know her age, and this may be a passing phase. But you were engaged to her and ready to get to the next milestone in your lives together, so you probably asked her to stop with her partying. If so, did she ever attempt to do it? And you said that you took care of her by lavishing attention as well as what's in your wallet. Did she ask for it? Did she expect it? If she did then I'm sorry because she has been taking advantage of you. Seeing this, do you still want to get back together with her? Especially when she's not giving you an honest to god second chance but rather she seems to have moved on into other pastures. Preserve your self dignity and walk away from it all. Don't let her use you as her booty call. That's not what friends do either.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 wow just be glad your not getting married to her why would you want a fiance /wife who still wants to go out partying and drinking wayyy to much....sry not classy to me.... when my bf and i got engaged everything changed drastically i became like this loving domestic housewife at least i tried as best as i could but everything i do i always think of how he'd feel first always and he is the same with me.... trust me you deserve better you deserve someone whose ready to give you 100 percent.
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