twoheartsbeatasonee Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Hello This could be a very long thread. I would love some help please. Pretty much been to hell and back. Theres a great amount that i will leave out but try to keep it simple Big age gap -im 49 shes 23 in august (never been a issue and age is not the reason for our split ) Im the first boyfriend and we have been together for 4 and a half years. almost 3 of these have been living together at my home. She moved 120 miles across country to be with me-pretty big move. we have both expierienced losses over the time we have known each other - my mother who i cared for and her granma - even in the 12 months i gave 24-7 care to my mother for a year or more we still were very very strong together. 15 months ago she said we were finishing. My work self employed hit a bad patch and it blew her away as well as me but i got through it - we got things back on a good level again .The relationship continued sexually and all was good with one exception. 15 months on we are still living together - shes still here at my home and still planning things we are going to do socially and things that we have in common ( pretty big things like rearing cattle and days out and trips away ). All the converations that she has with me are "we this "and "we that." When she passed her driving test last summer thats when the independance set in and changes big time took place. She had a small affair with a work employee and since then also has had odd nights with 2 brothers not knowing about each other. Up to 2-3 weeks ago we were still sleeping in same bed -often hugging and still intimate on occasional times. We still have occasional 1-2 hour daytime naps as we both get up early - these have been in my bed together sometimes clothed or unclothed. She constantly tells me its all over -we will not be together again in love - its all gone - and shes lost all the love for me ? Shes recently met a guy whos in the same business as her -hes cooked her a meal - shes slept with him on date 2 - shes in a hotel tonight with him on date 3 as he lives at home and date 4 in 3 days time they go away for 2 days together in hotel. Shes always told me he likes her much much more than she likes him. So: The fact we are planning lots of things still together and things booked that are coming up. The fact that 15 months on shes still here and i honestly dont see her going. The fact that this guy is pouring money into her - texting her 1000 times last month (thats a fact maybe 1300 times) and she says he likes her way more than she likes him. The fact that even today we have hugged with real meaning at least 5 times and 20 minutes before she went out was happy for me to be as close as intimate one can be - she was in her new bra and knickers and allowing me to be intimate in fondling with her ) I dont want to lose her friendship ever and obviously i want things back the way they were . I do want A long term friendship if nothing else . I just cannot be convinced no matter how many times she tells me its over that it actually is? Her whole approach to it all could be concieved that shes having a free lunch on me but i just dont see that. My gut feeling is shes young and dosent know what she wants and wants to experience many partners now while she is young but at same time dosent want to breakout and leave herself vunerable. She admits she cant ever make a good decision and thats quite true on events that have happend .I am incredibly patientand prepared to go with this for some further time. I love her and she knows it . The moment i have a drink with a female friend its where you going and who with... Has anybody had such a crazy situationas thisone or heard of any similar ? thanks for reading
InvisibleGirl Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 that seems like one creepy relationship she is using you for a place to live at this point pack her up and ship her out she is too young for u anyway
Athena Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Shes always told me he likes her much much more than she likes him. And maybe she also thinks that you like her much much more than she likes you The fact that 15 months on shes still here and i honestly dont see her going. So, she likes you, is used to you, but has plans to move on without you, it just hasn't happened yet, because as yet, nothing better has come up, but she is looking and trying out others... she was in her new bra and knickers and allowing me to be intimate in fondling with her ) Are the two of you still having sex? I dont want to lose her friendship ever and obviously i want things back the way they were . I do want A long term friendship if nothing else . Be careful not to 'hang on' and seem desperate, because that is never attractive. She may want a friendship with you in the future, but right now there are no assurances for you. I just cannot be convinced no matter how many times she tells me its over that it actually is? She might just be telling you its over so she can experiment and try out other relationships, or she might know for sure how she feels about you is not the same depth as what you feel for her, and when she feels ready to move out, she will. She admits she cant ever make a good decision and thats quite true on events that have happened . You must be feeling very torn up about her apparent lack of certainty as to how she feels about you. To me she sounds like she is doing a parent/child relationship where she got independent from you last summer with her driving and started other relationships. Your relationship with her might feel 'comfortable' to her for now, but she has made it amply clear to you that its over, even if her actions don't match her words and one is Supposed to look at the Actions ... I would say that she is being as honest with you as she can. When the time is right for her she will move out, and unfortunately you will not be able to keep her then, or make her love you more... I would advise you to 'hope for the best, but prepare for the worst'.
KismetGirl Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 At the risk of sounding like a total beetch: 1) why are you posting in the Other Woman/Other Man forum? You are neither of those things, and you are saying you aren't dating her anymore.Or am I not understanding the situation. It seems you said she broke up with you. 2) you're old enough to be her father and started dating her when she was barely out of high school. You both have immaturity issues, big time. 3) you are a daddy figure to her. She's using you for a place to stay and someone at her beck and call. You are sitting here rambling nonsense while she's at some other guy's hotel room f**king him. Sounds like a fabulous relationship you guys have. 4) you're letting her turn you into a total cuckold. You'rre almost 50 years old and she's barely to her mid-20's. If you think she is going to have a serious lifelong relationship with you , youa re fooling yourself, and thinking with your d**k. I'm not trying to be mean, but when I read your post I envision some really pathetic middle aged man desperately wanting the pretty young girl to still pay attention to him. Ever seen the new version of Lolita, the movie, with Jeremy Irons? There's a scene where the 15 year old temptress lets him f**k her, fondle her, etc, as long as he gives her money and whatever else she wants. Then he sits home pathetically groveling for her to be with him while she sneaks out to go suck some other guy's d**k. That's what you make yourself sound like. 5) find a woman your own age. This relationship isn't going anywhere. It is VERY rare (and in my opinion, non existant, but some might argue) for people with a 25 year age difference to have a real relationship. It is always one person acting like a parent to the other moreso than an equal partner. It's inevitable. You have already lived twice the life she has. On that note, Im off. This posting isn't even in the right thread category, and I dont think youve actually even asked a question . Youve just listed off the pathetic story of two people using each other for various reasons while their relationship is other superficial and asked if anyone has ever heard of such a story. Yes. Does that help?. She just got her driver license and is not "independant"??? Sorry, i keep having sickening images of a father fondling his step daughter or something. Gross.
Reggie Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Despite the apparent meaness of the above thread, I agree , the realtionship is unhealthy. On the practical side, there is just too much of an age difference. 50 is not old and you could be in excellent shape and attractive as hell. But, time marches on and when she hits her sexual prime inher late 30's , youll have slowed down , naturally, quite a bit. Although you may have much to offer, on the physical side, the disparity will be too great. Getting older is tough but, with a contemporary, it can be a blast. Also, as you know, she is using you and you don't want that. You should not have to buy love withsecurity and financial help. You want someone that loves you for you, not for your status or as a parental figure. I was married to a woman 16 years younger and it was the loneliest time of my life.I've met many really great women my age, now, and it is so much more enjoyable.
tami-chan Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 She just got her driver's license...lol..so cute.. Twoheartsbeatsasone (do you have a usernickname? your username is very long)...What kind of help do you want from this forum? This is a tough, tough group. Do you really not know why she is still with you? I think you do. Why are you doing this to yourself? She is a child compared to you...
fairyflower Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 ..What kind of help do you want from this forum? This is a tough, tough group. Do you really not know why she is still with you? I think you do. Why are you doing this to yourself? She is a child compared to you... Tough, tough group? Most are abusive, bitter, angry and it seems cannot read... tough my a** fairyflower
tami-chan Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Tough, tough group? Most are abusive, bitter, angry and it seems cannot read... tough my a** fairyflower Don't I know it....! They are tough because this is also a venue where they can channel their anger...project their bitterness AND they are allowed! Plus there are many easy targets
Reggie Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Tough, tough group? Most are abusive, bitter, angry and it seems cannot read... tough my a** fairyflower Don't be so hard on yourself, ff. You are not that abusive, a little bitter, maybe. But, you are working on it, right? And, your reading comprehension seems to be improving , too. Take it easy on yourself.
Reggie Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Don't I know it....! They are tough because this is also a venue where they can channel their anger...project their bitterness AND they are allowed! Plus there are many easy targets That pesky first amendment thing, TC. We gotta do something about it.
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