So New to this Heres my story!

[Daizednjaided]

I've been with this guy for about 3 years. we meant on the internet, we visited each other I moved to Indiana and then he moved to Washington. We had our ups and our downs (who hasnt) I helped him secure a job turned him into this wonderful man. Both of our familys new of our plans for marriage and kids. as well as both of our familys are having health problems, Our mom's infact. He wanted to visit I wasnt able to go because of work. He made the trip for 4 weeks so he could see everyone.

we talked evernight how much we loved eachother missed eachother couldnt wait to see eachother when he got back. He hasnt been taking his meds while down there due to walgreens BS and filling them in another state.

Then 3 days ago he says hes staying and cant come home because of family then starts telling me he cant be with me. I've talked to his family (bro,Dad,sis) two of which live in japan on an army base. They all love me to death. There was no fight before he left. He said this was the only way so he wouldnt be trapped ( or so he didnt have to face my family who has taken him in as a son) I've taken so much advice I cant believe this is happening it is shocking to me and to everyone who knows us. I dont understand what happend. If something was wrong we would always work it out. He's stil on my phone bill because we share it and I cant afford the fee to take him off. He says he loves me and always will.

 

*He also left me with all of his belongs as if it was just a trip. I am constant reminder of everything we have shared, everything we have experienced pictures of us hopes for the future. His clothes. Computers laptops electronics. He said he didnt plan this he hasnt cheated he wants to be alone for now. Wonders why I am taking it so hard when I have a constant reminder of him everywhere the car clothes ect. He's staying in a place where theres nothing of me with him just in his thoughts. I dont think it has sunk in at all for him since he has escaped ran away to another state. Im left heartbroken and hopful this is a phase.I dont know how much time I shall give him? I know down deep it is not over. He said he still loves me wants to be in my life will love me forever. What to do.

Ive been told that I should give him the time he needs to figure out this lesson on his own. We are very much in love. I've pushed and pushed this relationship to keep it going work it out keep it alive But I'm unsure if he is afraid this is the longest relationship he has been in the longest job he has kept the most stable he has ever been. We always said we were eachothers soul mates so many simularities. I know in my heart it isnt over I just dont think he has had time to actually think it over. I know his father is enabling him buying a house so his dad can live in when he retires and having my fiance stay there and maintain it. I wrote him a letter on myspace and told him that i would give him the time he needs to think this out if its a soul searching mission or what not. that the door is open and waiting. I cant beat myself up any longer. The man who I love i dont know where he went. The man who broke up with me the voice i hear the words he uses he sounds like a completly different person then my love. I know him better then anyone in his family. I've stuck it out in the hard times with his medications panic attacks ER visits even when times got hard I supported all of his decisions. We were basically married. Any advice? need more information? any help will help? Should I give him space even if it is killing me? Should I let him learn this lesson on his own even though I feel I risk Losing him? If I keep pushing and pushing I will lose him forever? If this is a phase and hes scared Will it make our relationship stronger? I dont know. Theres so much to say I have not given up I know we are meant to be together and I am not crazy. We brought the best out in eachother. weve always worked out all our problems together I dont know what to do.

 

Daized

[love_fool]

Space is healthy, but don't feel bad to push him away. This time apart will heal itself in time. You can only wait to see what's in store for the future.

[Cherished]

I am sorry you are going through this as it must be very painful. Personally I would not make it easy on him by helping send his stuff. Don't put out one penny to help him get his stuff back. He chose to do this so now he has to figure out how to get his stuff back if he wants it.

Also you will have time to figure out if you want a relationship with a man who pulls away and "needs time away" so easily as he has done.

Time to figure out what YOU want and if this guy really can make you happy with his behavior of ditching and keeping you hanging on the line. That is not the way you treat someone you are in love with, in my opinion.

I don't think you want to marry and have children with a guy who could bail on a moment's notice. So you have a child and things get tough....is he the type of guy who will be there and be strong and can be counted on, or is he going to bail, leaving you to raise a child alone?

 

You may have dodged a bullet by not getting married and having this happen now before you were actually married and you found out how unreliable of a "man" he is.

 

I wouldn't hesitate to date others at this point. Go out and have fun, screw him.

[Daizednjaided]

No. I'm not pushing him away. I was pushing the relationship on to him. Hoping he would see and realize this isnt right and trying to get him to show some feeling. If I continue to push the relationship and try and make him realize I am sincere then Im afraid it will be over completly. he wants space and I think thats what he needs to realize this lesson on his own. This only happend 3 days ago. His flight back to Wa is on the 25th of this month. I want to give him space to see because I know its meant to be and he is confused about being home where everything is very slow paced quiet oppossed to here where its wired go go go is the enviornment. This is litereally Day 1 of giving him space and not pushing myself on to him to scare him away for good.

[Cherished]

Oh, OK, well if you pushed the relationship on him and he complied that means that he wasn't really into it in the first place.

You can't push someone into loving you.

I think it is best to let him get his stuff, move out and move on with your life and find a man who you don't have to convince to love you.

[Daizednjaided]

The thing is. I just dont feel there is closure. I have had break ups in the past as of everyone. This one feels different doesnt feel right. He got on a plane telling me how much he loved me how much he will miss me how much he cant wait to get back. This was a vacation for his family his mother is ill and has been for a while. I'm in washington state, he is in indiana visiting. Hes listened to me nightly saying how much i miss him love him and he has said the same. 3 days ago he says hes not coming back. If he felt this way he should have said this before the plane trip. He makes no plans of coming back to get his stuff. He says I can keep everything. I dont want anything. I want him its our stuff our memories. He said he didnt plan it. I dont have closure. His father is enabling him to stay indiana. "David" is who I am with or was with or i really dont know. I did nothing wrong we had no fights before the flight. everything was fine. I really dont know if its meds, scared, this is the longest relationship he has been in. He tries to tell me That I as in me did not want marriage did not want kids. We were not in the right place for children . I'm 24 he is 25. He made plans when he got back I just dont know what could happen in two days. Be completly in love with your fiance and two days later nothing. I seriously dont understand. He says that is his downfall he cares to much about others and its time for him to care about himself. He ran up my credit I am in debt no way out. A car his father helped buy that I am paying off. on my phone bill with his phone says he is going to send money to help. I dont know. I want to be pissed I want to be angry I want to be in love I want so many things. This is only day 3. Did I mention this is the month we were suppose to marry? My mother has vaginal cancer his mother is ill and sick possibly dying. So many situations intertwined into one. That is why I am unsure. as i said this person who did this to me is not the man I am in love with. I dont know if the pills withdrawl homesick so many things could be clowding thoughts. I know I cant stay around and wait forever. But I dont know what to do.

[Daizednjaided]

I realize I may be justifying his reasons I am trying not to, its just hard. Bare with me people. I just needs lots of advice even though I may not like some. its only day 1.

[PinkToes]

Hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through this. No matter what happened or what led up to this, it's a horrible shock. No wonder you're confused.

 

But as you said, it's so early in the process, it's awfully difficult to make sense of things. That will come in time; no one knows how this will turn out.

 

The best thing you can do now is stay calm (keep breathing!), take really good care of yourself, and try not to figure it out or guess what he's thinking.

 

No matter how hard you try, you won't find an answer on your own that will make you feel any better right now. And even if he called you and told you exactly what happened, it wouldn't ease your pain.

 

As much as it hurts, just try to look after yourself right now. Don't worry about how whatever you may say or do will affect him or the relationship. If you belong together, he'll be back. But there is nothing you can do right now to 'fix' this. Be strong. You'll get through it.

[Daizednjaided]

Thank you for that reply. I do have such strong feelings for this man regardless of his betrayal to me now. I just want someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing but giving him space. I mean after being together for 3 years when nothing is actually wrong with the relationship and not talking to him if he cared enough then this should affect him also. and it seems it has. i've been talking to his sister who hes staying with I've became friends with her during our relationship. She tells me that he was surprised that I hadnt called texted emailed him yesterday. and Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I hope he sees this as Me trying to give him space and not trying to get over him or already over him. Because That i know will not happen if it does at all not for a very long time. I hope he see's im willing to give him space and let him breathe. I just dont know how long I should do this for? HOw long should I let him be before I ask him again so I'm not standing on the line? I know he comes back on the 25 which is next week I know he doesnt plan on coming home. My initial goal was to get him to realize and come home on that plane. But That might be too soon? any suggestions? We have hurt eachother in the past I'm willing to work through this and see what is going to happen. This is the first major fight we have had? I know I should be glad that I dodged the bullet and wasnt married and didnt have kids. But I'm prolly thinking to much into this. i believe if we had kids and married i dont think this situation would have ever occured? maybe it would have I dont know. I'm still learning.

[PinkToes]

You're absolutely doing the right thing by giving him space. He sounds confused and likely wouldn't respond well if you pushed him for answers -- which wouldn't be good for either one of you.

 

I'm sure you're going crazy trying to figure it all out, I would be too. But as much as you can, try to keep the questions from swirling around and around in your head, because it just isn't going to make sense right now.

 

Hopefully at some point, the two of you will talk about things. It could be 2 days or 2 weeks or 2 months. If you're going to end up together, it doesn't really matter how you get there. So try not to stress about that. He isn't going to forget about you.

 

When you talk to him, no matter when that is, the best thing you can do is stay strong. Partially because he needs to see that you can cope without him. But also, because you need that strength in order to make the best decisions for yourself.

 

If you end up together again, you want the reason to be that you belong together and bring out the best in each other -- not because it's easier than being apart.

 

Try to take one day at a time. You will be OK.

[Daizednjaided]

So It's Been a week yesterday. Me and Him ended up talking that monday after he did this. I had to put my dog down of 11 years due to having cancer. I ended up calling him because he was the only one who knew how much I cared for her. He talked to me for a while. I left him alone for the rest of the night Tuesday Morning he texts me on my phone saying "Did you really cancel the UPS shipment" Before he decided to run away. He had asked me to send him my laptop his moms laptop and some Ciggs. So i did because his was broken and we share. I told him I would but he better bring it home and not break it. The next few days he does this. I cancel the UPS on friday have it rerouted back to me. He gets angry with me how could I be so cold and so on because he was out of Ciggs. I did find out he had been out of his Pills since his entire trip. Most of these pills are for his mental state. and lack of niccotine. He threatens to call the cops to get them to take all of his **** here and blah blah blah I knew it was an idle threat to upset me didnt work. I leave him alone the rest of the day and he texts me that night saying he missed me. Then the next day I thought we were starting to work things out because he finally said it, then he hates me again. Hes finally on his pills and hopfully realizing this situation. Havent talked to him a few days. Im giving him time to realize hey we were good together we could afford stuff we could pay our bills and so on.He is suppose to come back this coming wednesday is it too soon to start talking to him? more time? I did tell him if he realizes he wants to come home after the trip has passed i would be more then glad to pay for a ticket and has a open invite back. I'm not ready to let go still and its been a week . I have always handled every break up perfectly fine i realized it was over when it was over. now just doesnt seem the time. He's of course still on my phone bill I dont have the money to take him off I told him he is responsible to pay. He said How can I pay my sister rent, you money for bills. what about me? i said thats life take responsibilty you think your better off making 3 dollars less then go ahead. Im just confused still no real answer as to why he decided to run away with a round trip ticket. Im still hoping to work things out better off getting this out of the system before kids marriage. work out whatever is going on. he didnt seem unhappy hell he even took a family picture with my family. i just dont see him knowing hes going to leave me and stil take a picture. I guess hes thinking a bit more clearly now on his pills. now its the waiting game. I can live without him , but do I? no. he is my ying to my yang. I just dont know what to do. I had to get on depression and anxiety meds after never having to be on them before in my life. Honestly have lost 3 pounds as far as i know since this is happend 3 pounds in 2 days. Not trying to starve myself just cant keep much down but i'm trying. some of my co workers have called and talked to me still venting does not help. Its basically dealing with a death in the family, I guess.