mr.dream merchant Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 A friend of mine, she's 22, is dating a 30 year old male who has a one year old child and a wife. He says that they're getting divorced and that the paperwork isn't finished but the divorce is on its way. What bothers me the most is what this guy probably takes her for. They met at a club on South Beach. She was hammered and I'm not sure about him, but they made out. She told me she gave him, along with a number of other guys, her phone number. She only wanted to pursue him so she kept in touch. This guy would never call her when he's not at work, he'd only contact her at work through the work phone or email. He says he doesn't have a cell phone but he drives an Audi A4 - ? Anyways. Ever since they met, up until recently, the only side of my friend he's seen is the drunk club hoe side. In fact every time he contacted her it would be in reference to something sexual "Oh I wanna taste your lips again...blah blah blah". My friend is very capable of being a loving and faithful girlfriend, but he's not seeing that side of her because when they go out they're always partying and doing drunken sexually related acts. I'm not sure if they've had sex yet, as far as I know she let him finger her in the club on the couch infront of everyone when she was drunk. Now I know my friend, and I know she's looking for a long term relationship. She's been out of one for a year, and her ex she was with for 5 years. There's been times where they've made plans to go out but he never called her (stood her up) and there's been times where when he picked up her, he didn't want to drop her home. On top of him being married with a one year old child, not contacting her outside of work unless they're going to go out partying, not having a cell phone, only seeing the party chick side of her, I don't think this guy has anything serious for her in his future plans. But she's so open off of joy right now that she ignores it. She asked me what I thought of them messing around and I asked her its all about what she wants. I told her that in reality this guy seems to only want to hook up for a little bit, nothing serious. But she has feelings for this guy and it shows. She gets really upset when he doesn't talk to her for a day, she got upset when she saw his facebook default picture of him, his wife, and their child. She wants a relationship with this guy. She got upset with me and said I was judging her because I said she needs to calm things down a bit if its a relationship she's looking for. I said that the guy wasn't going to take her serious because they're always drunk and fooling around when they're together, he isn't thinking relationship at all, he wants some ass. In a way I'd like to help prevent her getting played but to be honest I want it to happen to her so she can learn the importance of how you conduct yourself and how some guys base their opinion off of that. I'm sure if she wasn't going out and getting wasted with this guy but doing more casual laid back things he wouldn't stick around. Hell he didn't talk to her for 2 days because he had to take her home. Everything about this guy spells no good but I'm sure she knows that. Let it be? I think I am.
socialight Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I think you need better friends. Clearly your friend has issues, poor judgement, or both. The very idea of being involved with a married man whose story has holes big enough to drive a truck through is absurd. There are more red flags in this scenario that at a bullfight. Your friend needs to break this immediately. She also needs to stop getting so wasted in clubs that she has sexual contact with strangers in plain sight. I recommend your friend, if she can afford it, begin working with a shrink.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 She never picks them single. If they have an eye for her she doesn't care if they have a girlfriend/wife/fiance. She's pretty desperate.
voldigicam Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Looks like it's time for a girl & girl trip somewhere, decompression, and some straight talk around the pool. Vacation intervention. Get the victim away from normal settings. She's just going to get played again and again this way. Might be alcohol that's part of the problem. Often is. Good luck.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Looks like it's time for a girl & girl trip somewhere, decompression, and some straight talk around the pool. Vacation intervention. Get the victim away from normal settings. She's just going to get played again and again this way. Might be alcohol that's part of the problem. Often is. Good luck. I mean I'm a dude n ****. On a serious note though, I really do think its the alcohol. I told her what I thought and she got upset and said I was judging her. Awesome. Well what's the point of asking me what I think? On a side note, when a person is doing some scandalous/dumb ****, why do they always play the "don't judge me" card? That **** is getting old.
missdependant Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Looks like it's time for a girl & girl trip somewhere.. LOL! :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Well I just found out she had sex with him. I guess things are inevitably going to go downhill from here. Hey,....I warned her. Maybe she just wants some dick in her life and is putting on a front?
BCCA Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 She never picks them single. If they have an eye for her she doesn't care if they have a girlfriend/wife/fiance. She's pretty desperate. This, my friend, is what I call 'terminal selection'. Basically, she is chosing guys who there is absolutely no chance it will go past a certain point with, because thats easier. There is no wondering if its going to go anywhere, because its not, and if they dont call you anymore one day, big loss. This is usually the result of being burned in the past, and only wanting to fulfill your immediate desires, so as not to be hurt again. Its also a self esteem issue. They feel so great that some guy is cheating on their wife with THEM! It makes them feel special, as though this clown would only do such a thing with a really remarkable person, when truth be told, this guys probably sticking his penis anywhere he can. I sadly have friends that do the exact same thing, and then complain about not meeting anyone... Well I just found out she had sex with him. I guess things are inevitably going to go downhill from here. Hey,....I warned her. Maybe she just wants some dick in her life and is putting on a front? I would be surprised if any call from him going forward was made before last call, and didnt consist of 'hey lets hang out right now'. Maybe she needs to get laid, but geez, march to the bar in a low cut shirt and find a plethora of guys who are single and perfectly fine with a FWB. The problem with that, though, is they dont KNOW whats going to happen, while when you involve yourself with someone who is taken, you kind of do.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I told her what I thought and she got upset and said I was judging her. Awesome. Well what's the point of asking me what I think? . You should be judging her. People use that as a pass to do whatever dang fool stuff they want to get into, regardless of who it may end up hurting. Judging your friend doesn't mean you think less of her, but it does mean you don't agree with her behavior. What she is doing is hurting herself, and this man's family. I know, I know, he's the cheater, but the fact is if the wife finds out, your friend could be in a bit of trouble. I would tell her, Suzy, you're my friend and I care about you a lot. But I can't tell you that I think this is a good thing. You are getting emotionally involved with a person who will never be able to give you what you deserve. I hope you make a different choice, because I hate to see you in pain.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 She's very desperate for male attention so its like any decent looking guy who'll give it to her, she gets so open (literally) off of it. I don't wanna judge or anything but she's acting real skeezy. And its always guys who have a SO in their lives. I mean, if he had a GF oh well whatever he's a dirtbag, she shouldn't be talking to him. But this guy is 8 years her elder, has a wife, has a one year old child with that wife, what kind of good does she think is going to come out of this? If she's looking to cop a good nut then she's doing it in all the wrong places, and she's only setting herself up for drama and judgement. Right now I'm not ashamed to say that I am judging her. Right now I see her as a desperate, lonely, and selfish person for even dipping into that family's lives. All for what? Some dick? God she's acting like such a skeez.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Yes, she is. But that doesn't mean she is a skeez. Sometimes people just behave in ways that are detrimental to themselves and others. Why is she feeling so desperate I wonder? Sounds like she needs a therapist, not a married lover.
D-Lish Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 You know what? When it comes to friends and people you care about- judgement sucks big time. Unless someone is 100% perfect and has never made a mistake- judging others is so pompous. You can dislike what she is doing- but judgement? I've never felt like I've had a right to do so being so imperfect myself. You can intervene, you can lend an ear and an opinion. If you're a really good friend, you'll be there to help pick up the pieces when everything falls apart.... AND, you'll never say I told you so. I've never looked upon my friends with judgement for their indiscretions and mistakes. I get mad and frustrated of course... You sound concerned. You sound like you care a great deal for her well being. If you've told her how you feel, given her the best advice you can- all you can do from here on out is be as supportive as possible. You know what? This won't end well for her. Everyone around her knows this except for her. She obviously doesn't feel so good about herself if this is the relationship she is choosing to have. That is why I would stick by her and be supportive. I mean- if I saw my friend getting fingered in a bar- I'd be the first to quietly intervene... but you can't stop her from proceeding with this, she's going to do what she wants. She'll take a tumble. I think your job is to be there to help her through the fall out. That's when she'll learn something. That's when your actions will be the most effective. If she's drinking a lot- I'd just look out for her. Continue to warn her and try and shake some sense into her. She might need to take this fall in order to learn something important about life. If she gets overly self destructive- you may have to intervene. You sound like a good friend. I must also add- she also sounds like a typical 22 year old female trying to figure out how she fits into the world around her. Mistakes will be made- stupid things will be done... She's no longer a child- yet not quite an adult. A lot of learning takes place at this juncture. You can't stop her from doing what she is doing. Be her voice of reason, be her friend, and when this fiasco falls apart, be her support. I think that's what friends do. She's lucky to have you caring for her well being.
Cherished Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 They're both total, scummy, worthless losers and I hope he does leave his wife for her, and do her a favor so his exwife can be happy with a real man. Then your loser slut cheating friend with no morals can go bonk him all she wants and live in heaven with a cheater, like she is.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 So D-Lish, if he shouldn't judge her, then he is telling her that she should just go ahead and do it. Clearly, she shouldn't, as it will hurt her in the end. Judging someone doesn't mean you think less of them, but it does mean that you don't agree with a particular behavior. And these are case by case situations. You don't have to be perfect to judge someone's behavior as less than stellar. If I was doing something stupid, I would need to be judged too.
Cherished Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 That's too bad they had sex - now he is going to expose his wife to herpes or worse from your ho bag friend.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 That's what my other thread was about. People play the don't judge me card too often and easily when they're up to some **** they shouldn't be. Of course people are going to think less of you for certain things, and judge you they will, and rightfully so. You know I do care for her, but I already gave her my advice. I said nothing of her, I said this guy is no good for her and she's only going to get hurt in the end, how would she feel if someone was ****ing her husband? She completely agreed with me. Then turned around and told someone else that she was upset with me because I was being judgemental? I don't get it. What's grounds for being judgemental? Thinking with a level head and a couple of morals? People with no morals throw the "don't judge me" card around so much it makes me sick, I can't even stand to hear those three words anymore. Granted I'm not perfect, nobody is. But I have some morals, and I have consideration and courtesy towards others and their relationships. I will not conduct myself in such a manner that would put me in a position to BE judged. So therefore, I can and will judge. I'd like to be there for her when this blows up in her face, and I will but its frustrating to even see her go through this when I told her what would happen, and she knew it, and even more so that she said I was being judgemental. She pressed all the right buttons for me to say "You know what? **** that guy's brains out. Don't use a condom, get pregnant." What's the point of asking for advice if you're going to chew it up and spit it in my face? She'll get hurt, and I'll be there for her, but it all could've been prevented with less spitting and more rational thinking, and maybe a bit more morals.
Cherished Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Oh, you're trying to boink her yourself and she's not into it. Why don't you cut contact, she's trash.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Cherished, attacking the OP and his friend is not going to help him solve his problem.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 I'm not trying to do anything with her, I have a GF.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Um...how are you guys so sure that this guy is REALLY getting divorced? It doesn't sound like it to me. His behavior is really shady. Sounds to me like he's getting his mistress (your friend) all tucked away. Well - if your friend is infatuated with this guy, nothing you say is going to change her opinion of him. She's just going to have to fall flat on her face and get her heart broken. I'm sorry - but that's the cold, hard truth.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 She said she knows he's going to play her, so I guess she's just enjoying being an object to this guy. Low.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 She said she knows he's going to play her, so I guess she's just enjoying being an object to this guy. Low. That's kinda gross. :sick:
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Yeah, its hard talking to her knowing all this. She talks about it like its some kind of achievement, ****ing a married guy. I'm worried I'm not gonna sugar coat my opinion if she asks me for it again lol. To me its like she doesn't have respect for herself.
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