sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Well, most of the time the scientist in me says that anecdotal evidence is not as relevant as proper studies, but this time I am prepared to make an exception. ALL of my friends are "career" women. Most of us met at university. So I have a circle of friends of maybe say.... 20 people, plus perhaps 10 or so more aquaintances (friends of friends etc). 5 are moms, and still work. 1 works and her H is at home with their baby. They have been married for 8 years and counting. Great couple. 9 of us are having babies this year, and ALL plan to go back to work, and have the full support of our husbands/partners. Several of us, myself included make more than our partners. 2 are SAHMs. 1 plans to go back to work next year 8 more are planning kids in the next few years and most will return to work. NOT ONE couple, to date, has suffered from a split, divorce, or cheating, and most are pretty happy, normal, functioning families. My country is very supportive of working women and equality, (we were the first western country to give women the vote, and even had a female prime minister for nearly 9 years until last year :eek:) Thankfully your kind of archaic, misogynistic attitude is rare. In fact, its so rare where I live that I can hardly believe its real. Boxing, good luck with your search. You have narrowed your specifications down SO much, that you really had better start hitting on high school girls and talk them out of having a "career" while they are still young and impressionable. You may as well knock them up while you are at it, then at least you know they will be tied to you.... :rolleyes: PS- Miss Dependent- I like your posts! Nice to see another women who isn't bitter about what life has dealt her, and who is just getting on with it instead of being a prize whinger and moaner.
missdependant Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I didn't know the internet has a voice lol.. Yes, I found studies conducted by SOCIAL SCIENTISTS on the internet. Really it is all common sense, but it feels good to have science standing behind me. I can be considered a Social Scientist by volunteering for a company as a mere student of Sociology. Nice try though.
Author boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Well in this case I choose to believe the professionals, and my own anecdotal evidence. And I live in the USA.. Perhaps your nation is different.
Kamille Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I didn't know the internet has a voice lol.. Yes, I found studies conducted by SOCIAL SCIENTISTS on the internet. Really it is all common sense, but it feels good to have science standing behind me. No, you found a bloke quoting social scientists to make a point. I agree with some of the points the author makes. Marriage used to be about a specialization of labour. What's happened is that women have changed their roles but men haven't much changed there. (Google statistics gender housework and you're bound to see that women still do most of the housework and still are the primary caregivers to children). So, another solution would be for both men and women to change. I will copy the counterpoint to the opinion piece you linked: http://www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html Counterpoint: Don't Marry A Lazy Man By Elizabeth Corcoran Studies aside, modern marriage is a two-way street. Men should own up to their responsibilities, too. Girlfriends: a word of advice. Ask your man the following question: When was the last time you learned something useful, either at home or work? If the last new skill your guy learned was how to tie his shoes in the second grade, dump him. If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you've got a winner. I'm not usually a fan of dipstick tests, particularly when it comes to marriage and relationships. But a downright frightening story written by my colleague, Michael Noer, on our Web site today drove me to it. According to the experts cited by Michael, marrying a "career girl" seems to lead to a fate worse than tangling with a hungry cougar. OK, call me a cougar. I've been working since the day I graduated from college 20-odd years ago. I have two grade-school-aged children. Work definitely takes up more than 35 hours a week for me. Thankfully, I do seem to make more than $30,000. All of which, according to Michael, should make me a wretched wife. In spite of those dangerous statistics, my husband and I are about to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. You'll see us snuggling at a mountain-winery concert this month, enjoying the occasion. I don't think I'm all that unusual--so it seemed like a good time to test Michael's grim assertions. The experts cited in his story think that professional women are more likely to get divorced, to cheat and to be grumpy about either having kids or not having them. But rather than rush to blame the woman, let's not overlook the other key variable: What is the guy doing? Take, for instance, the claim that professional women are more likely to get divorced because they're more likely to meet someone in the workforce who will be "more attractive" than that old squashed-couch hubby at home. Women have faced this kind of competition squarely for years. Say you marry your college heartthrob. Ten years later, he's working with some good-looking gals--nymphets just out of college, or the more sophisticated types who spent two years building houses in Africa before they went to Stanford Business School. What do you do? A: Stay home, whine and eat chocolate. B: Take up rock climbing, read interesting books and continue to develop that interesting personality he fell in love with in the first place. Note to guys: Start by going to the gym. Then try some new music. Or a book. Or a movie. Keep connected to the rest of the world. You'll win--and so will your marriage. There is, of course, the continual dilemma of who does the work around the house. But if both spouses are working, guess what? They've got enough income to hire someone else to fold laundry, mop floors, etc. Money is a problem? Honestly, the times money has been the biggest problem for us have been when we were short of it--not when one of us is earning more than the other. When we have enough to pay the bills, have some fun and save a bit, seems like the rules of preschool should take over: Play nice, be fair and take turns. In two-career couples, Michael frets, there's less specialization in the marriage, so supposedly the union becomes less useful to either party. Look more closely, Mike! Any long-running marriage is packed full of carefully developed--and charmingly offsetting--areas of expertise. For us, the list starts with taxes, vacation planning and investment management. My husband likes that stuff, and it leaves me yawning. Bless him for doing it. Give me the wireless Internet system, the garden or just about any routine home repairs, and I'm suddenly the savant. Tear us apart, and we'd both be pitiful idiots trying to learn unfamiliar routines. Michael is right that longer work hours force two-career couples to try harder to clear out blocks of family time. When we do, though, we get to enjoy a lot more. We understand each other's career jokes and frustrations. We're better sounding boards on what to do next. And at dinner parties, we actually like to be seated at the same table. The essence of a good marriage, it seems to me, is that both people have to learn to change and keep on adapting. Children bring tons of change. Mothers encounter it first during the nine months of pregnancy, starting with changing body dimensions. But fathers have to learn to adapt, too, by learning to help care for children, to take charge of new aspects of a household, to adapt as the mothers change. So, guys, if you're game for an exciting life, go ahead and marry a professional gal.
sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Good for you. (and they say the USA is forward thinking and progressive! Luckily there are a few other posters on this forum who confirm that, but you sure ain't one of them!) Have fun being miserable and single with your "professionals".
Cherished Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Well if all that stuff is true, then men need to step up to the plate and get off their lazy a**es and make more money so their wives don't have to work. BOXING, MAKE IT HAPPEN. STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND 'BUY' YOUR NONCAREER WOMAN. YOU CAN'T DO THAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE MOULA. YOU CAN DO IT IN ONE INCOME, YOU'RE THE MAN.
sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 You know gals, while its pretty annoying to be bombarded with internet "facts" by someone who by their own admission is still single, if more men admitted they really felt like this, it would make things alot easier to weed out the losers. Maybe they should all go and start their own commune. Boxing, have you considered becoming Amish?
missdependant Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Good for you. (and they say the USA is forward thinking and progressive! Luckily there are a few other posters on this forum who confirm that, but you sure ain't one of them!) Have fun being miserable and single with your "professionals". There's a reason he's single. I don't know ANY girls with half a brain that would be interested in a guy like this.
Cherished Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It is funny that when Boxing is told just how to get this noncareer type woman, by working hard and becoming rich so he can support his wife, he dodges. He wants something specific but he's not willing to do what it takes to get what he wants.
Kamille Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 He wants something specific but he's not willing to do what it takes to get what he wants. I get the impression what he wants most of all is to blame women for his poor lot in life.
Cherished Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 That is right, I think. Boxing, if you have a problem with "career women" then don't date them. Date noncareer women, but don't blast on women for having careers. You're not doing us a huge favor by telling us that men won't prefer us and such. If we wanted the kind of man who wanted a noncareer, stay at home wife, that is who we would be pursuing, but I'm not on here bashing men that want a stay at home, noncareer wife.
sb129 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 There's a reason he's single. I don't know ANY girls with half a brain that would be interested in a guy like this. I get the impression what he wants most of all is to blame women for his poor lot in life. Agreed on both counts.
Touche Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 That is right, I think. Boxing, if you have a problem with "career women" then don't date them. Date noncareer women, but don't blast on women for having careers. You're not doing us a huge favor by telling us that men won't prefer us and such. If we wanted the kind of man who wanted a noncareer, stay at home wife, that is who we would be pursuing, but I'm not on here bashing men that want a stay at home, noncareer wife. You're not? What do you call this? STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND 'BUY' YOUR NONCAREER WOMAN./QUOTE] Sounds pretty insulting to me. You're saying "non-career" women can be "bought"...like a prostitute. Nice. If that's not insulting I don't know what IS. You're not only insulting a man who prefers a woman who doesn't have a career you're ALSO insulting the woman herself. A double whammy.
Touche Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Also, no offense to anyone but I kinda got a chuckle over those saying no one with half a brain would date someone like this. Is it better to date an abusive cheater? I guess for some it is. Go figure. To each his own.
Cherished Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 No, not really. He is on here saying women, you are undesirable if you have a career, but hey, I have to pay the bills,'ya know? If I married a man and we found ourselves able to have me stop working, I am for that, no problem. However, if a single guy is going to want to marry a woman who also wants to be a stay at home wife/mom, then he has to be able to provide. Doesn't sound like Boxing is. So don't go bashing us, if you yourself aren't able to support the wife at home.
clv0116 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 No, not really. He is on here saying women, you are undesirable if you have a career, but hey, I have to pay the bills,'ya know? If I married a man and we found ourselves able to have me stop working, I am for that, no problem. However, if a single guy is going to want to marry a woman who also wants to be a stay at home wife/mom, then he has to be able to provide. Doesn't sound like Boxing is. So don't go bashing us, if you yourself aren't able to support the wife at home. Now see, I'm down with that but I'd just hate to have her harbor resentment about giving up something she loved. I'd rather just have someone who wanted to be a stay at home wife from the get go. Yes, I can support us with a reasonable degree of comfort.
missdependant Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Also, no offense to anyone but I kinda got a chuckle over those saying no one with half a brain would date someone like this. Is it better to date an abusive cheater? I guess for some it is. Go figure. To each his own. That thread was about how things have been for the last week. A week out of a year. And yeah.. we've had a few problems just like any relationship. If you judge abusiveness on one week's worth of behavior, then good for you. He's cheated on me once, and we've moved past it. At least he doesn't try and tell me that he should be my owner. At least he's okay with me graduating in May, having a full time job and working when the baby is born. He's okay with me aging, he's okay with me using facebook and the internet, he doesn't treat me like I'm NOT man's equal. Overall, I have a good guy. Judge all you want.. you don't know my full relationship. You know the minimal amount that you've read on a forum. We hit a rough spot last week, hit one last April and things weren't that great when his ex-gf was stalking me. But I'm pretty sure I put an end to that and it's not like he can control what his ex was doing.
Author boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Women should work, of course.. Especially if single.. Perhaps I should have said "careerist". You know they type.. Career comes first.. Husband, family, family planning second. She will be unhappy if she makes more money than you, unhappy if she must raise kids and stay home, and unhappy doing everything all at once.. We all know women like this. They are the ones to be avoided in the dating/marriage world for men. This is an advice board, so I am giving men advice. Miss dependent, if you want to date a man that NEEDS you to work, cheats on you, and is abusive, then good for you. I do quite well for myself, and have plenty of women to date. Nor am I abusive, nor do I cheat on women.
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