imemoi Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 To start off. I'm 21, 3rd yr uni student. She's also 21. We're both international students and have the same circle of friends (one of my room mates is her best friend and we have a lot of other common friends). We met 8 months ago. Became good friends. Spent a lot of time together but only got as far as making out once (we were both kind of drunk). She said she needed time to think about it...whatever that means. After that she stopped showing any romantic interest...only friends. Honestly I was expecting this because she is gorgeous and I'm not a very attractive looking guy. Anyways, we're still friends but I want it to be more than just that but I'm quite certain she doesn't. Which is fine, I suppose. I mean she's not interested, so I should move on. Thats her decision. But I can't. It's been 3 1/2 months since we have been strictly friends. But I still really really like her. Its just really getting to me now because I thought after all this time, I would be over her. And the fact that we have common friends and live quite close to each other...so always run into her...makes it that much harder. I know my problem goes much deeper than just her coz I feel inadequate and have rather low confidence. So I guess what I'm asking is, what can I do to 'get over her' and improve my confidence in general. Definitely very broad questions but any insight would be helpful. Thanks people
EmperorR Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Stop being friends, you can't heal yourself or expect to get over her, if she's always there. Heal yourself first and then maybe when you don't have any strong emotions to her you can be friends.
bubbles5 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I think u should make out wid other female frnds or try dating other frnds n disconnect urself with her, then also u cant stop loving her then u should tell her, if she isnt ready to listen or care about u then just never ever see her again ,, there are lot many ppl around then see..
Peter_pan Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 go for one of her mates. she wil get jealous and then prob want you
yellowgreenlight Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 i am going through pretty much the EXACT same situation, but im a girl having this problem with a boy. it seems like your situation is a little less long-standing than mine....nevertheless, from someone whos been in this situation, let me just tell you.... through trial & error, ive discovered that the BEST thing you could possibly do is avoid places you think she'll be. every time you see her, its like rubbing salt in a wound...plus, it pretty much traps you in an endless cycle. you'll constantly analyze all her behavior, hoping that mayyybe, just maybe she's changed her mind. chances are, she probably wont.....but the only way you'll find out is if you "fade out" for a while. then she'll have a chance to see if she misses you or not....as more than just a friend. if she does, she'll probably initiate some contact. if you don't hear from her, then you've got your answer. plus, time away from her will give you a great opportunity to work on the relationship with YOURSELF. someone out there will think you're a great guy...but that wont happen unless you believe it, too! i hope that helps!
Author imemoi Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 thanks for all the replies guys i can't avoid her entirely coz we have the same friends. and her best friend is my room mate so she comes over from time to time. we also go to the same uni and live close to each other. but i will definitely try to avoid her as much as i can. i also went on vacation for 2 months. she sent me about 4 messages asking how i was and when i was coming back. but that was probably because we are good friends? the day i came back...she was the first person i saw (she waited at my apartment to let me in coz she had the key) and one of the first things she asked me was if i met any girls. something i tried 2 weeks ago: we were at this party and just to see her reaction...if she would be jealous, i wass like, "hey there are soo many gorgeous girls here, pick one out for me and i'll go talk with her". At first she was game but after a few mins she was like "i don't know, do whatever you want". i even offered to pick out a guy she might like but she kept turning them all down. many of my friends have said shes into me. or that we would be great together but she doesn't see it. i guess. that's what make it so hard for me. if she gave some sure fire sign, that she is interested i would ask her out. i just dont want to ruin our friendship. anyways, i suppose i'll try to move on and try thinking of her as only a friend. more advice is welcome
steve9417 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 you're working on the wrong person ..... this is about you and not trying to get someone to smell the coffee ......... wake up from trying to get one person to love you ......... how about loving yourself - seeing the value in yourself and not getting stuck with an obsession - ie her perhaps the records stuck - you can let it keep playing that old familar song or else you can chose to get on with living a healthy life if she ain't that into you then what the heck ........ you've a life to live and why not live it well if she can't fulfil your needs then just let her know and tell her that the relationship you HAD will not be the same moving forward - you don't want to appear intentionally rude but if you live a confident life then you'll change the way you interact with her engage in a purposful life imemoi - i suspect its gonna take some mental refocusing and retraining to get your attention back to YOU ..... your needs and wants - perhaps talk to a therapist or someone that's schooled in active listening
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