Sasha81 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 So...ive been with my boyfriend for roughly 2.5 years. Hes attractive, my family loves him, and he has ambition to succeed in life; which are some of the main things I look for in a guy. But this guy...my guy...still has some maturity issues. We're both 24 and i feel like he's 16yrs old when it comes to his maturity level in this relationship. For the longest he put his own wants infront of my needs. For example, i NEEDED his help to buy a phone because I was temporarily short on money and he had a good paying job, i promised to pay the money back in 2 weeks or less when i got paid. The response i got from him was "well... i dunno.... i really have to save my money" and what does he do 2 days later?? He goes and buys himself 6 pairs of shoes!! (and i literally mean 6). After i fussed at him for a bit, he apologized but I still never got any help with the phone. And even though we've been together for a couple of years, and all his friends love me, he still feels the need to have his "Guy only nights" and blatantly tells me "no, you cant come" (even though his friends ask where im at all the time), and also a female friend of his was throwing a birthday party for her husband, and when she called to invite him, he sheepishly asked "can i bring my girlfriend?" as if im some stranger to everyone. i know im rambling, but here's what inspired me to write this: Tonight I got free tickets to a huge basketball game, as soon as i acquired the tickets, the first thing I did was invite him; to which he happily accepted. He mentioned he was going to a bar with his brother (who he lives with) afterwards. We went to the game, and the whole time im hoping that he'll invite me, considering the bar is a few doors down from the basketball arena. At the end of the game, he calls his brother to meet him, and though the phone, i hear his brother say "oh ok, im on my way, so is (my name) coming?" to which my boyfriend responded "No." Needless to say, my feelings were a bit hurt considering i invited him to the game, and in the end he just sends me home because he needs another "guys night", which I think is a bit ridiculous in this case because he sees his brother EVERY DAY, HE LIVES WITH HIM! PLUS, I gave him the gas money to come out to the game with me, only for him to sorta ditch me to go out with his brother! I feel like i put in 150% and he only puts in 12%. ::sigh:: needless to say, im getting fed up. Every once and a while he'll apologize for his constantly being inconsiderate, but in the end im not seeing much progress. Is this worth breaking up over? I feel like people break up for much worse things, and it makes my little dilemmas with my immature boyfriend look like nothing. Thoughts, comments, criticisms?? Please share opinions...
Alex_M Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Hi I can tell you, if you have a problem with the way he behaves, don't just get annoyed when he does it... Sit him down and have a serious (not angry) talk about the things that really bother you. Trust me, me being a young guy myself I just saw all the times my ex yelled at me as one time events. But they were all the same problem but she never told me directly and seriously. We broke up, I feel like crap and never meant to hurt her but now it's finished. So I think you should try and talk to him, and if you can't do that then there's a bigger problem.
EasyHeart Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Alex is right. None of these are big problems, but burying them will make you feel bad and make the problems worse. At 24, the reality is that both of you are immature, and men usually mature more slowly than women. There's nothing wrong with him having a guy's night out (or you having a girls' night out). Having friends outside of your relationship is a sign of a healthy relationship, but if it makes you feel bad, he needs to know about it. And to be brutally honest, from this guy's perspective, the things you mention in your post seem a bit whiny. I know that's not what you want to hear, but be prepared to meet some resistance from him when you talk to him. The thing I always hated in some of my past relationships, is when women have a problem and present it as an ultimatum -- they are right, I am wrong, and I must change to do what they want me to do. That sort of attitude is never productive, whether it's the guy or girl who behaves that way.
Author Sasha81 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Alex M: thanks for your response, in the past ive tried sitting down and talking to him, and he always claims he gets what Im saying, but then does it again a few weeks down the line. I'll give it another try though. Thanks EasyHeart: Thanks for your reply, i do understand what you mean by im coming across as whiny; its just that these things have stretched across almost 3 years, and in my post i was trying to give a brief but accurate description of past events. Im all for the guys/girls nights, but the problem is its ALWAYS a guys night. If he whines about coming to an occasional girls night, i let him come; but if i say I'd like to come with him, the answer is always "no". Either way... I never present anything to him as an ultimatum, I just bring it up as a discussion first; I try to get him to genuinely understand why im bothered, so we can work though it and compromise. He tends to get defensive and then turn it into an argument, and then i get fed up and wonder why I even bother at all. But anyways, i respect your opinion; thanks for giving me another point of view
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