hurt4life Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Another newbie to the forum, so what'sup everyone. Anyway here is my story and I hope you can stay with it, sorry if it's long. So my girlfriend and I have been together for two years now, and we have abeautiful little boy who is about to turn one next month. We've had our share of obstacles in life, the arguments here and there. When we met I had a wonderful job with very good pay, now, with the move to a new area, that has changed. Anyway, so my girlfriend started a job about three months ago. First she didn't say much but after awhile she started talking about her boss and some few other guys at work. It turned into how she found out her boss sleeps with alot of the girls at work. She would tell me how much she hated guys like that. Also, she would complain about how all the other girls there give her dirty looks. (There's so much more she talks about but way to much to say) So curiousty got the best of me and I started paying more attention to the little things about her that has changed. I did not want to think anything was going on but after an argument we had the other night, she said something that made me really wonder if there was anything going on at work. So that night I found out that she had been emailing some guy at work. She talks about how she thinks and dreams of him; how she pictures them pleasing each other, how she wishes she could tell him how she really feels and how she thinks about just closing his office door and having sex with him (in way more detail than that, too X rated). they go on to talk about presents, she tell him hers is soft and asks if he would like to feel the inside. Then she talks about how she wouldn't mind meeting his other friends and maybe "sharing". There's so much more but way to much to put on here. This all started on Valentine's day, the day I gave her so much and she didn't give me anything. I thought nothing of it that day, but now it hurts so bad to know that on that day she was thinking of someone else. I confronted her about all this. At first she denied it and denied it like there was no tomorrow. She swore it on her and our son that nothing was going on. That's when I got mad, our son has nothing to do with her cheating on me. I finally told her in detail what I knew. That's when she finally told me "the truth". She says it's her boss she was emailing but nothing physical had taken place, no sex. She says she was just flirting with him cuz she was afraid she might lose her job if she didn't show interest in him. She says what she did was wrong but justified. I'm feel so confused, hurt, and betrayed. So, did she really tell me the truth? She talks about other guys flirting with her also. Did she just name her boss so I would forget about the other guys? Did she have sex with this person? Was it simply just flirting? Is this partly my fault also? She says when we argued, it took away the guilt for what she did even though she knew it was wrong. What can I do?
Beautiful Inside Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 ok honestly by bf freaked out one time he went through my work email and say i had emailed a guy client of mine he was a loan officer and i do escrow...well i was just saying hello in the email cause hes always sending me business just a friendly email but he was pissed that i didnt mention i had a bf i was like omg i dont have to get personal u know! but geese if my bf found out all that other **** he'd leave me faster than i can say wait let me explain!!! no joke hello i mean think about how heart breaking it would be for anyone to see this from their s/o talking dirty to another person sharing intimate stories and just ewwww i would seriously b sick and did you expect her to admit everything to you a girl is very sneaky they say girls are way more sneakier then guys and i am a freakin girl i think it could be true! we will deny till we die!!!! seriously it was really "un cool" (quoting jennifer aniston) just kidding but in all seriousness shes a ****in liar!!!! we both know she was ****in around with this guy from work weather it was her boss or another guy....it sounds like you deff cant trust her she should be on her knees begging for your ****in forgiveness you know? what is going on in the world today you know its like your heartbroken over this and she doesn't even feel the slight bit remorseful! **** her dude seriously....not worth it you need to be with a loyal girl who will share every detail of her day with you to make you feel secure does that make sense?...
lostsunsets Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 First off I would say, congratulations. You saved your job and lost the man who loves you. But then you wanted out anyways. By what she said in those e-mails she was on the road to apparently screwing a few guys. I don't know why, but you may give her a chance. You need to go on the internet and print out the information for a local polygraph tester. Ask her if she wants you to believe her. Naturally she will say yes. That's when you show her the info you printed, then you tell her that you scheduled her for a test next Saturday. If she agrees to it. great. If she doesn't, you know she's cheated on you. Personally I think that she will spill the beans. It may only be internet sex NOW. But you can tell that she was going to cheat. Dump her. Find a girl who will love you and be true.
Bryanp Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I think it is time to move on. Your girlfriend not only lies to your face but emails her boss how much she wants to have sex with him. She tells him she is willing to share herself with other men also. She then has the nerve to tell you it is justified to save her job?...Oh please. She is playing you for an absolute total fool. Why would you wish to stay with someone who would humiliate and disrespect your relationship in such a way. She is at the very least emotionally cheating on you. It is clear that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
mark982 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 i can't see the logic behind taking a polygraph to keep a relationship.If you trust her that little then it's time to move on.If she has not cheated yet,it's only a matter of time. dump this girl.
lostsunsets Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 The polygraph (threat) is to see if he can get her to spill the beans. If she does, and admits to cheating. He knows it is worse then that, because she doesn't want be hooked up to it. This is a tool to get more truth if he needs to. Personally I would dump her in a hot second. She is a skanky tramp.
too tired to fight Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I'm sorry you are going through this. I am too, but a little bit different way. Anyway, If I were you, I would leave. Cheaters are all the same. They lie, lie, and lie. They suger coat everything to make you stay and then once they feel comfortable that you won't leave, they go back to what they were doing before because they know you won't leave. I've wasted 14 years and counting.
samspade Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 The polygraph (threat) is to see if he can get her to spill the beans. If she does, and admits to cheating. He knows it is worse then that, because she doesn't want be hooked up to it. This is a tool to get more truth if he needs to. Personally I would dump her in a hot second. She is a skanky tramp. There is no need to get any more truth out of her. She's already engaged in dump-worthy behavior. Hit the eject button. She was at least cheating emotionally, and didn't even have the respect for you to buy you a V-day gift. Even if she weren't cheating, her behavior is not worth your commitment.
Author hurt4life Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Thanks for everyone's input. I'm hurt yes indeed, but yet I find myself trying to make sense out of it, I guess I do love her that much. I'm so torn because as mentioned, cheaters will be cheaters, and if she hasn't yet, it's only a matter of time. Her words in her emails linger in my mind every minute of the day. I want to just let it all go but I think about our son, and it keeps me wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to live without him. Am I stupid or just way too in love. I will never forgive myself if I do give us another chance, and then find out that she fooled me into believing nothing is going on, but then goes and does it. I hate this feeling.
missdependant Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Holy crap, I am so sorry.. that is totally *****ty. :-( Anyway, that is totally trashy on her part and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Trust me, I know what you're going through.. First stupid thing she did was use getting fired as an excuse.. does she really want you to believe that she doesn't know how to use the court system for a problem like that? I believe in second chances for sure, so my first suggestion would be counseling before jumping to a breakup. You do have a kid together which is a rather large commitment. If counseling doesn't help, you should drop this woman like a bad habit.
lostsunsets Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Benefit of the doubt. There is no doubt. Tell her you set up a polygraph test. Print out the info and tell her she'll take it or you will boot her a$$ out. She will probably puke up the truth. That is unless you don't want to know for sure. And choose to be deceived.
Author hurt4life Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 She swore it on her and our son that nothing was going on. That's when I got mad, our son has nothing to do with her cheating on me. So as i said, it pissed me off when she put it on our boy. Oddly enough, our boy developed a very high fever last night. My girfriend and I sat in bed making sure he was okay and talked about the situation some more, how it still hurts me and how it's hard for me to understand what she did. So I mentioned that if anything happens to our son, I will never forgive her. She lied to me and she put it on our son. She started crying and I felt so bad for making her cry but at the same time I was even more confused because through all of this, this was the first time she shed any tears. She would say she was sorry and ask for my forgiveness but no guilt or tears. You ladies out there, if you were caught in a situation and wanted to prove your love or innocense, wouldn't there be any tears from you, knowing that your man may leave you? I just don't understand how there is no guilt.
Lucky_One Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Some women cry easily and some don't. The presence or absence of tears really doesn't mean anything. I can sometimes MAKE myself cry, just to get that pity thing going.
Lucky_One Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 But I do disagree with one aspect of your post. You are making her feel guilty by swearing on your son, and using his illness (temporary, I hope!!) as a punishment tool. "See what YOU did to him? And if he gets sicker, it is all YOUR fault!!" Her words have NOTHING to do with him being sick. Whether she lied or not. Sickness and disease are caused by bacterias and viruses or body shutdowns, NOT someone's words. Karma or God or whatever it is that you believe in does NOT use a child's body to punish someone's actions.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 You ladies out there, if you were caught in a situation and wanted to prove your love or innocense, wouldn't there be any tears from you, knowing that your man may leave you? I just don't understand how there is no guilt. She doesn't cry because she feels no consequences. Duh! That is why she cried over your son, because that is a tangible consequence. She is sneaky and dishonest. Remember how she said bad things about the boss right away... like he slept with all the girls and she didn't like guys like that... BIG LIE. She was telling you that she found him super attractive. If you stick with her... your going to spend the rest of your life watching her like a PI. Are you ready for that? As soon as you turn your back she will be cheating, because that's who she is. Can she grow out of it? Yes, but not without suffering some consequences. If your son was in your shoes... what would you want him to do?
Author hurt4life Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 But I do disagree with one aspect of your post. You are making her feel guilty by swearing on your son, and using his illness (temporary, I hope!!) as a punishment tool. "See what YOU did to him? And if he gets sicker, it is all YOUR fault!!" I know it had nothing to do with her saying so, it was just wierd timing. By no means was it intended to hurt her feelings nor punish her in any way. I still love her so much. That is why I felt bad that I made her cry. I just want her to be honest about everything. Her denying it at first just makes me not believe in what she has told me. I still think there is more that she is not being truthful about. It's almost like she is protecting this person so she can continue what she was doing. She tells me to just let it go cuz it's not worth the trouble and pain, like it's that simple. I can't explain the fire inside and the pain when I think of what she said to this guy.
Author hurt4life Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 She is sneaky and dishonest. Remember how she said bad things about the boss right away... like he slept with all the girls and she didn't like guys like that... BIG LIE. She was telling you that she found him super attractive. I totally agree. She would always badmouth him, but in her emails she would say how she is so attracted to him. She would complain about how all the other girls talk bad about him also but continue to flirt and sleep with him. I know now she was talking about herself. The trust is definitley gone but the love is still there. I don't know what to do. Hopefully my son will never be in a similar situation.
Author hurt4life Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 So here is my delima. As mentioned we have a son together. I would hate to not have him in my life. If I decide to leave, where to I go? she has family here, I don't. We've just moved here not too long ago and I don't have any friends to turn to either. If I go back home, it would be too far and seeing my son would be way too hard. Also, if or when I leave, should I just leave or do find out the whole truth. I have this guys email. Should I just leave it alone or should I try to see who this guy really is? Is it worth it? I feel as if I can't have her, I want to make sure she can't have what she wants. Would that be wrong and stupid?
Stockalone Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 So here is my delima. As mentioned we have a son together. I would hate to not have him in my life. If I decide to leave, where to I go? she has family here, I don't. We've just moved here not too long ago and I don't have any friends to turn to either. If I go back home, it would be too far and seeing my son would be way too hard. If you have a job there and your son is there, why not simply stay in that area? I understand that you don't have friends or family there, but your son is family too. But I would advice you to go see a lawyer, just so you know what rights and obligations you would have regarding your son. And how moving back home would affect that situation. Also, if or when I leave, should I just leave or do find out the whole truth. I have this guys email. Should I just leave it alone or should I try to see who this guy really is? Is it worth it? If you want the truth, I doubt you will get it from your gf. She has already proven that she will lie as long as possible and deny as much as she can. I probably wouldn't trust her if she said the sky is blue. And the same goes for her boss. He isn't going to tell you the truth if he wants to fu** your gf, or is already doing it. In my opinion, your best bet to find the truth is to hire a PI, one who knows what he is doing. I feel as if I can't have her, I want to make sure she can't have what she wants. Would that be wrong and stupid? Well, the only ways I can think of to keep the other guy away from your gf, would involve illegal activities. You have a son you need to think about. If what you have in mind is legal, then by all means, go ahead. But you need to be certain that revenge is what you want and what gets you closure. Otherwise it will backfire.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 So here is my delima. As mentioned we have a son together. I would hate to not have him in my life. If I decide to leave, where to I go? she has family here, I don't. We've just moved here not too long ago and I don't have any friends to turn to either. If I go back home, it would be too far and seeing my son would be way too hard. Also, if or when I leave, should I just leave or do find out the whole truth. I have this guys email. Should I just leave it alone or should I try to see who this guy really is? Is it worth it? I feel as if I can't have her, I want to make sure she can't have what she wants. Would that be wrong and stupid? Revenge is never worth it. Just walk away. This guy is probably a big player and will move onto another girl sometime soon. Make sure your not around when that happens, otherwise your just a schmuck. You need to make her move in with her family, and you should start divorce proceedings. I know you "feel" like you love her.... but that will fade fast if you limit contact with her. Don't stay for the kid. That would teach him the wrong things. You want him to grow up to be a strong man who doesn't have to grovel and beg for love. Be a good rolemodel, because he isn't going to have one in his mom!
Author hurt4life Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 If you have a job there and your son is there, why not simply stay in that area? I understand that you don't have friends or family there, but your son is family too. If you want the truth, I doubt you will get it from your gf. She has already proven that she will lie as long as possible and deny as much as she can. I probably wouldn't trust her if she said the sky is blue. And the same goes for her boss. He isn't going to tell you the truth if he wants to fu** your gf, or is already doing it. In my opinion, your best bet to find the truth is to hire a PI, one who knows what he is doing. Well, the only ways I can think of to keep the other guy away from your gf, would involve illegal activities. You have a son you need to think about. If what you have in mind is legal, then by all means, go ahead. But you need to be certain that revenge is what you want and what gets you closure. Otherwise it will backfire. I do have job here that I enjoy very much. In a way I'm scared to be alone cuz I haven't had to live like that for such a long time. I think about my son and how I don't want him to grow up not knowing me or not having a father figure. The thought of someone else trying to take that role eats me up inside. I don't want to stay here but at the same time I don't want to leave my son. If I do stay here, I would have to see her from time to time. And the part about me not getting what I want so therefore I don't want her to have what she wants does not reference anything illega. I just don't think this guy (her boss or whoever else it is) knows about me or our son. Which I don't think he cares anyway. I know it's just a matter of time before this guy moves on to the next best thing and leave her watching just like the other girls. I just want to make that happen sooner rather than later. It's not about revenge either. If that were the case, I would pretend to forgive her and then cheat on her and see her go through the pain. I'm not that type, I don't want to be the cause of her pain.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 I think about my son and how I don't want him to grow up not knowing me or not having a father figure. The thought of someone else trying to take that role eats me up inside. I don't want to stay here but at the same time I don't want to leave my son. You should kick her out. She has family... you don't. As long as you make the commitment to be a good dad... it doesn't matter if you are there for every waking moment. Nobody else can take that role unless you give it up!
samspade Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I do have job here that I enjoy very much. In a way I'm scared to be alone cuz I haven't had to live like that for such a long time. I think about my son and how I don't want him to grow up not knowing me or not having a father figure. The best lesson you can give him as a man is to stand up for yourself and not have your integrity compromised by her, or anybody. As Untouchable said. I don't know what your situation dictates as far as who gets the son, but you should definitely break up with your GF. Remember, she caused this. It's on her. Move on with your life. You're better off being alone than with a cheating ho.
Author hurt4life Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Why does this have to be so hard. Honestly, it is my son that is keeping me from leaving. I know it may sound like a stupid reason. You see, my dad had passed away when I was very little. I grew up not knowing him and not having that father figure, it was very hard. I just don't want him to go through that. Anyway, so she tried talking with me tonite, but as usual lately, she got upset. It makes me so mad that she messed up but yet can still get mad at me for all the questions I have. I just don't understand her reasoning any more. So try to understand this cuz I couldn't. So I asked her if she had to give up her job or our relationship, what would she give up. Her answer, "that's a tough one". WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! She says she would not want to lose our relationship because she doesn't want to lose me, but at the same time she does not want to lose her job because she doesn't want to not be able to provide for our son. What the F kind of reasoning is that? She'll try to tell me how much she loves me so very much and that my son and I are the love her life and the only things that are right. I just don't understand how some women can be so twisted.
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