howdoigoon Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Ok, so I'm very new here.. But i've read lots of posts and the support system seems amazing.. So here's my situation.. I was with a girl for 4.5 years, we broke up in the middle of December and since then.. my life is a complete mess. Although we broke up in the middle of December, we went away together (previously planned) for the first week in January. I have a long history with this girl (i'm only 22), and we have been friends since I was about 15.. and I've liked her since I was 15. When we were younger, before we were dating, she was always fooling around with other guys, and she was sleeping with one guy for a while... She never told me. But I got another girlfriend, and then she confessed all her love for me.. After that breakup, we started going out. All this baggage meant our relationship got off to a bad start. I never felt like I could give 100% of who I am, and she just seemed to love me so much more than I felt, although I definitely loved her, she said she never realized it until a couple of months before we broke up. Since we broke up, I've tried the NC thing.. I've only been able to last 8 days.. We talk all the time, and in her defense, it's me who does the calling, somewhat obssessively which has caused her to be extremely rude to me and destroy my self-esteem entirely. My birthday was 2 weeks ago, and on my birthday, she called me balling her eyes out saying she missed me and she loved me.. But I tried to talk to her after that, and she says she just missed me on that particular day! I mean, how do you turn love on and off life that? I guess the problem I am really having is accepting that she's over me. She's already made out with a few guys, and I'm sure she's considering sleeping around, but that really isn't any of my concern, we're not together at the moment. I feel like I can't do all of this again, like I can't get to the stage and comfort I had with her, with anybody else. The last conversation we had was yesterday morning, and I was extremely upset. I've tried to act normal, but I couldn't it anymore.. and she just freaked. The whole time we were together, she said she had never felt anything like this before, and that I was her first true love.. Now she says (and she told this guy while we were together) that the guy she was sleeping with when she was 14 (a little young) she thinks she loved. She compared her feelings for me to him, and said she just had the same feeling about it being over and about giving up with him as she did with me. I just feel like if she could say that our relationship never really meant anything to her, I mean, how did she love that guy at 14? How do I accept that it is over? I've tried to say it to myself? How do I stop myself everytime I want to call her (I need to for her sake, I'm driving her and I mental, which I can understand, although when we were together, she would often obsessively call me). It should also be noted that I broke up with her on dec 13, and didn't talk to her for 10 days.. although I was just trying to let us cool off, not really end it. She now says she drove me to break up with her, and she didn't want to be with me.. Since then, I've had to drop 2 uni classes, and I've had thoughts that seem to resemble depression.
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