If you met someone knowing a LTR was very unlikely, would you have sex with them?

[Isolde]

Hypothetical situation: asking out of curiosity. Say you meet someone really really awesome--you're travelling for the summer, working in a different city for a while, or for whatever reason a LTR is very very unlikely, like maybe 5% chance of it developing. Do you pursue dating with sex, dating without sex, or nothing?

 

Girls and guys both welcome to respond.

[carhill]

I've done this while married and traveling and also did so when single. When I "get on" with someone, woman or man, I like getting to know them better. Since I'm straight, as that process proceeds, my sexual attraction to a woman might grow as well. They're all pretty much equals when I meet them. If I was single and no LTR was possible, no, I wouldn't have sex with them, because I don't see sex in that particular way. Now, you will next see responses by "normal" men

[johan]

I assume this thread was somehow inspired by me. And the answer, Isolde, is yes.

[You'reasian]

Hypothetical situation: asking out of curiosity. Say you meet someone really really awesome--you're travelling for the summer, working in a different city for a while, or for whatever reason a LTR is very very unlikely, like maybe 5% chance of it developing. Do you pursue dating with sex, dating without sex, or nothing?

 

Girls and guys both welcome to respond.

 

Dating is just dating. When the expectations aren't there and the benefits of a relationship are, it can be nice, provided that its kinda known upfront - take it easy when communicating this, just enjoy each other

 

If it appears to be a relationship and no one is communicating and expectations form, then you can have some of those "talks".

[clv0116]

I might, but I'd never lead anyone to believe something untrue.

[Isolde]

In other words, when the connection is there but circumstances are not favorable, what do you do? Is it possible to just say no to dating altogether, despite the pull? Or then again, if the connection is strong enough, do you just end up dating them and seeing where it goes?

[carhill]

If the "connection" is there, and each person is otherwise unattached, sure, why not "date"? If they are attached, become friends. It's a small world and a short life.

 

You mentioned sex. Totally different, unless you mean sex when you say "date".

[Isolde]

If the "connection" is there, and each person is otherwise unattached, sure, why not "date"? If they are attached, become friends. It's a small world and a short life.

 

You mentioned sex. Totally different, unless you mean sex when you say "date".

 

You mean, casually date?

 

I've never "gotten" casual dating. It doesn't sound like any fun to me. Where do you draw the line in such a situation? Do you kiss? Do you do this, or that? Etc.

[Stockalone]

Hypothetical situation: asking out of curiosity. Say you meet someone really really awesome--you're travelling for the summer, working in a different city for a while, or for whatever reason a LTR is very very unlikely, like maybe 5% chance of it developing. Do you pursue dating with sex, dating without sex, or nothing?

 

Girls and guys both welcome to respond.

 

If a situation where a LTR is very unlikely, I wouldn't start dating. Should I still meet a woman who is really awesome (a colleague, a co-ed, etc.), I would need to back off.

 

If I get along very well with a woman, and am attracted to her, I only have eyes for her. No other woman interests me. So, in a situation where what I want (a LTR) isn't an option, there is no reason to pursue things.

 

It will only lead to heartache when it ends. And having sex with that woman would only cause my desire for her to grow, hence increase the eventual heartache when a LTR isn't possible.

[You'reasian]

A friend of mine was in a relationship with a woman almost 10 years ago that he knew wasn't going anywhere, but there were no expectations, everything flowed naturally and they seemed to have an awesome time together.

 

When they parted ways, they kept up for just a little bit and then let it go.

[carhill]

You mean, casually date?

 

I've never "gotten" casual dating. It doesn't sound like any fun to me. Where do you draw the line in such a situation? Do you kiss? Do you do this, or that? Etc.

Yeah, it's kinda old-fashioned. Yes, physical contact and kissing is involved. I call it playful affection. It sets the groundwork for the interaction which will take place throughout the couple's life outside of the bedroom. It's the non-sexual physical and emotional connection. IMO, I think people proceed to sex too quickly and sexualize the contact and the relationship revolves around the sexual feelings instead of around a shared emotional and spiritual connection and the expressions of that.

 

In your example, I would "casually date" to get to know the person better and express affection as appropriate.

 

If you want an example of what I mean, read my "3 cats and a mouse" journal and PM me. I recently had an experience with the other "cat" (the quiet and somewhat distant one) which goes right to the heart of your topic and my opinion of it, though I'd rather not share it publicly.

 

Listen to the comments of the other men. They are far more representative of the men you will meet in your lifetime

[Isolde]

IMO, I think people proceed to sex too quickly and sexualize the contact and the relationship revolves around the sexual feelings instead of around a shared emotional and spiritual connection and the expressions of that.

 

 

I couldn't agree more--but why take pains to establish an emotional and spiritual connection, if a LTR is so unlikely? We come back to the beginning.

[carhill]

I answered that already. Small world and short life. True connections are rare and valuable things, as are true friends and companions. In a few more score, you'll see this reality.

[fral945]

I would either pursue dating with sex or nothing.

 

I was in this situation a few weeks ago. I was somewhat interested in this girl I had been on a few dates with. At first I wasn't sure what she was looking for. I never saw any long term potential from the start, but thought maybe a fling or short term relationship would be fun because we got along well and were attracted to each other.

 

But the better I got to know her the more I realized she was looking for something more serious than I was. I know she was interested in more than just something casual within a few dates because she wanted to introduce me to her parents and friends very quickly. She also started dropping hints about where the relationship was going (probably not being direct because she didn't want to be hurt). When she asked me how I felt, I dodged the question and said I wasn't sure (which I probably shouldn't have done, but it was Valentine's Day). I ended it after that date, though, because I knew it would be wrong to lead her on.

 

I am generally hesitant to have sex with women I don't see with long term potential because the few times I have done that the women get attached very quickly. When I first did it I didn't realize the consequences. Now I am more cautious.

 

This method definitely limits my sexual opportunities but saves headache and drama in the long run.

[Lizzie60]

Of course..

[northstar1]

Okay, along the same lines....

 

Would you get into a relationship with someone that was going to be moving far away at some point (say 6 months down the road), knowing that it would have to end when they did?

[shadowplay]

if you're attracted to them, then yes. :bunny: Sex with people you find hot is fun.

 

I'm not the type who gets emotionally attached with sex, though. If you are, it might be a bad idea.

[Cherished]

If it was true love, then an LDR WOULD be possible, and no obstacle could stop the relationship. People who meet, fall in love, but live far away work it out. One moves to the other's locale, or they move to another destination together. NOTHING stops true love.

So...no, I wouldn't, because I only sleep with someone where there's love and a relationship starting. That can happen in some instances in a day.

If you're talking a boss and someone under them in the workplace, if it is true love, that also works out. It's easily solved with a simple job transfer, resignation (if one of them makes enough to support the other), or new job.

Love really is simple.

[Isolde]

If it was true love, then an LDR WOULD be possible, and no obstacle could stop the relationship. People who meet, fall in love, but live far away work it out. One moves to the other's locale, or they move to another destination together. NOTHING stops true love.

So...no, I wouldn't, because I only sleep with someone where there's love and a relationship starting. That can happen in some instances in a day.

If you're talking a boss and someone under them in the workplace, if it is true love, that also works out. It's easily solved with a simple job transfer, resignation (if one of them makes enough to support the other), or new job.

Love really is simple.

 

Eh, there might be a grey area, though--where love would be possible down the line, but isn't present yet and wouldn't occur if you pulled away now.

[Cherished]

Then I would not because if love was meant to happen, it would still find a way, and would still happen even if we didn't have sex that one time. In fact he would love me more because I didn't give in to impulsiveuousness right away.

[blind_otter]

In other words, when the connection is there but circumstances are not favorable, what do you do? Is it possible to just say no to dating altogether, despite the pull? Or then again, if the connection is strong enough, do you just end up dating them and seeing where it goes?

 

I've had a few relationships that started out with completely preposterous situations where it wasn't only unlikely for a LTR to develop, but also quite inconvenient as well.

 

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

- Alfred Lord Tennyson

[northstar1]

If it was true love, then an LDR WOULD be possible, and no obstacle could stop the relationship. People who meet, fall in love, but live far away work it out. One moves to the other's locale, or they move to another destination together. NOTHING stops true love.

So...no, I wouldn't, because I only sleep with someone where there's love and a relationship starting. That can happen in some instances in a day.

If you're talking a boss and someone under them in the workplace, if it is true love, that also works out. It's easily solved with a simple job transfer, resignation (if one of them makes enough to support the other), or new job.

Love really is simple.

 

The concept of love might be simple, but unfortunately long distance relationships are not always simple. Some people can handle the distance, and not seeing each other for months (or sometimes years), but many can't. Many people need to have their partner physically with them on a regular basis to feel like they have a relationship, and cannot handle things residing over a phone line or internet connection. To each their own.