Ocean-Blue Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 So, late last night, in my altered state, I called my ex. I have NO romantic interest in him. I called him to say hello and just talk. It turned out to be a long conversation. It was a positive conversation. I told my fiance about it this morning and he is angry. I've never seen him this angry. Was I wrong? I feel like an idiot for making the call. It wasn't worth the grief I'm getting now. My fiance refuses to talk to me about it. He expressed his great distaste and then left it at that. Geez...I dunno why I did that. Now there's a dinner at my parents house for my fiance and his family...and he said he wasn't going to go.
blair08 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 What do you mean by, "it was a positive conversation?" Why did you call your ex anyway? Just wondering, sorry.
Trialbyfire Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Right or wrong it's done O-B. Perhaps you should have forewarned your fiancé and gotten his buy-in first. I think I understand why you needed to do this, in that you've held a lot of guilt inside. In essence, you were looking for absolution, to a degree. I think you need to apologize to your fiancé. Explain to him why you needed the absolution to rid yourself from this guilt.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 wow i dont kow if he needs to take it there to not go to dinner, on the other hand my bf anf i were going to counseling a while back and the counselor told us its never a good thing to eep in contact with our ex's you gotta cut that al off right away. it doesn't make our s/o feel good theres nothing positive that can come from keeping in contact with them. its so true i bet you bf feels the same way like y y must you still feel the need to call him and make conversation. it must make him feel like a part of u misses your ex and that might make him feel like he's not good enough....a lot of things can be going through his mind but clearly he;s hurting and in pain. please try and console him by first saying i know i was wrong honey and i promise i will never make you feel that way again.... i bet he will start to listen to you if you open the convo with that!!! try it let me know
Author Ocean-Blue Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 What do you mean by, "it was a positive conversation?" Why did you call your ex anyway? Just wondering, sorry. I broke it off with my ex, kind of abruptly. It was a messy break up. I thought he'd hang up on me, but he didn't. That's what I mean by positive. We had a nice conversation. It wasn't weird or anything. I don't know why I called him. It was late, and I was semi-buzzed. In the glare of the morning light, my decision to call him doesn't seem like a good one. Right or wrong it's done O-B. Perhaps you should have forewarned your fiancé and gotten his buy-in first. I think I understand why you needed to do this, in that you've held a lot of guilt inside. In essence, you were looking for absolution, to a degree. I think you need to apologize to your fiancé. Explain to him why you needed the absolution to rid yourself from this guilt. Thanks, TBF. The truth is, I got my closure last year, when I talked to him. My fiance knew about that call and he was fine with it. But it was nice to talk to my ex again, to hear that he's doing well and that he doesn't harbour any ill will towards me. I apologized to my fiance. He is quite angry, so angry that nothing I say makes a difference. wow i dont kow if he needs to take it there to not go to dinner, on the other hand my bf anf i were going to counseling a while back and the counselor told us its never a good thing to eep in contact with our ex's you gotta cut that al off right away. it doesn't make our s/o feel good theres nothing positive that can come from keeping in contact with them. its so true i bet you bf feels the same way like y y must you still feel the need to call him and make conversation. it must make him feel like a part of u misses your ex and that might make him feel like he's not good enough....a lot of things can be going through his mind but clearly he;s hurting and in pain. please try and console him by first saying i know i was wrong honey and i promise i will never make you feel that way again.... i bet he will start to listen to you if you open the convo with that!!! try it let me know Well I'm hoping that he does go to the dinner. If he doesn't, it'll stir up unneccessary controversy. I'm surprised at how angry my fiance is, simply because it's not in his nature to get jealous. He's not the type to get his feathers ruffled like this...that's why I was kind of when he reacted the way he did. But I knew what I did was wrong...I felt totally gross in the morning and dreaded calling him to let him know.
blair08 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 OK, I understand....well hopefully your fiance' will understand at some point...maybe he just needs some time to cool down about it.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 girl all it takes is one bad thing for us to do to **** everything up. the way we treat our s/o is mostly the way they react towards us, wut i mean is you said he's not the jealous type but anyone will become angry bitter jealous uncertain sad, over this situation i know my bf might have broken up with me if he found put i was still talking to my ex even if it was sonly one time its very hurtful. one time i found these IM chats in his computer from his ex gf and him but the chats were from when him and i were already together and i cant eve begin to tell you how crushed i was reading it over and over again crying thinking am i not good enough wut did i do wrong does his miss her is he going to go back to her....it drove me insane!!!! so painful i would never put someone i love through that now knowing how bad i hurt just seeing them conversate online. you dont have to be the jealous type to experience these emotions its when your really deeply love someone you get scared of loosing them its the worst feeling in the world.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 He's not afraid of losing me. He knows exactly where I stand. I told him I was sorry, that what I did was wrong, etc. He said that I was too dense to get why what I did was so wrong. I asked him to tell me...and he wouldn't. He just said he didn't want to talk. OMG. If he breaks up with me over this, ugh! Seriously. I am trying to talk to him and he refuses to respond.
openbook08 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 could something like this have happened to him in a previous rship that didnt end so favourably?? ie a SO contacting an ex (but not as innocently as you?)
EnigmasMuse Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 He's not afraid of losing me. He knows exactly where I stand. I told him I was sorry, that what I did was wrong, etc. He said that I was too dense to get why what I did was so wrong. I asked him to tell me...and he wouldn't. He just said he didn't want to talk. OMG. If he breaks up with me over this, ugh! Seriously. I am trying to talk to him and he refuses to respond. Just tell him you're sorry again, and that you didn't mean to hurt him, but that you know nothing else to say at this point. Walk away from it, give him some time to think and regroup with things. There is no reason to beat yourself up over something that can't be undone now. He also may enjoy you continuly trying to talk or get through to him, kind of like a game with him. The more he pulls away and doesn't want to talk, the more you want to try to convince him you're sorry. You've already told him, he either is ok with it or not, but don't continue to give in and try to talk to him. He'll talk when he is ready, and if he is not, then maybe he is not a very understanding of forgiving person and maybe its for the best .
Author Ocean-Blue Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 could something like this have happened to him in a previous rship that didnt end so favourably?? ie a SO contacting an ex (but not as innocently as you?) No. This hasn't happened before. This is getting very frustrating. He's acting like a petulant child. It's starting to get on my nerves. He won't even explain why he's so upset. When I said, "I know you're upset because of x, y, and z," he tells me I'm clueless, etc. So then why the hell don't you TELL ME!! I am not a mind reader.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 No. This hasn't happened before. This is getting very frustrating. He's acting like a petulant child. It's starting to get on my nerves. He won't even explain why he's so upset. When I said, "I know you're upset because of x, y, and z," he tells me I'm clueless, etc. So then why the hell don't you TELL ME!! I am not a mind reader. Yep exactly, as I stated before. He is acting like a child, he is getting something out of it, so don't keep feeding into it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Pull back the aggression O-B. The more you push him, the more he's going to retreat but passive-aggressively strike back by not "giving" you information. In doing so, it escalates the situation instead of providing a vehicle for resolution. Just stop contacting him. Let him come to you.
JackJack Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Are you trying to communicate with him through the internet? The phone? Is here there with you? Either way, I'm going to agree with EM on this. Don't contact or talk with him right now. Its what he wants you to do. It does kind of come across as a game. I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to feel a little upset etc, but thre is no need for you to continue to explain yourself to him, or beg him to talk with you right now. I would imagine you continuely trying to talk to him is feeding his ego right now, he is enjoying you being so upset over what you did and the fact you're trying so hard to prove to him you're sorry. If he is acting like a child, let him.
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