blue7 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 My wife has asked for a seperation, and we are working out the details. I posted one thread about my situation, and got some great advise. In a nutshell......She wants out, I'd like her to stay. We will most likely be seperating. From the advise I've been getting, everyone suggest building myself back up. Ok so that is what I am working on. Here is a situation I'd appreciate help with. Most of my friends are guys and they have been very very helpful. I am not sure if I should seek the attention of another women right now. I have a few girl- friends that I know are interested in me...no one I'd want to be serious with, and no one I'd want to replace my wife for. But could use the ego boost. They are women my wife really really hates. Though I know I can trust them to be a good friend. (and be quiet) Now I am not talking about just going out & getting laid, but feel like a womans perspective (though one sided) would be nice. (for me) If I am trying to win my wife back by giving her distance, I'd hate for this to come back & haunt me. Blue7
Dad_of_3 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I think you already answered your own question. If these other women are indeed friends than they should have the respect and courteousy to back off while you take this time to heal and find out what you want in your life. Ego boost is nice but I think more trouble than what is worth at this stage. Great distraction but of course it will come with a price. Have a think why your wife hated them? See it from her prespective. I don't know the full details about your situation, but everyone plays a part in a separation/divorce. Take this time to regroup, take a little 'me' time to find out a little bit about what you did in the relationship. Good and bad. Around the corner there will always be someone waiting to meet you. Don't you think you and they deserve the best you can give?
carhill Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Hang around this forum and you'll get plenty of woman's perspective If you do decide to get your noodle wet, be honest about your circumstances and perspective. "I'm married, but separated, and I'm not looking for a relationship" would be a good start. You can have female friends without the noodle factor and they can be a great asset. Pick ones whom your wife does not know. Trust me
Beautiful Inside Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 hmmm in all honesty if i was in a separation from my bf who isnt even my husband yet and he was to hook up with someone else that would say a lot to me....i wouldn't take him back. but thats just me maybe your wife is different all im saying is if you really want things to work out eventually keep your mind focused or busy on other stuff in the mean time until u know for sure 100 percent that your wife is done with you then you can go look else where. how about the gym i go everyday its my time to get away and relieve any tension and stress....you will become quit fond of your body once you start working out toning lifting benching etc....
PWSX3 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 You can't change her mind and if you try to it will just push her away. Just work on what you can, what part you had in the relationship. It takes both to make or break a relationship. Trust me I thought it was all the wife even though she blamed me for everything, but once you start looking at herself & are serious about doing it, it is really inspirational. You grow & become a better person & who knows you might not want her back. For now that is what happened to me, I wanted our marriage to work but now I am at such a better place I wouldn't take her back if she asked..... Don't get into another relationship either, that just confuses the situation. It stops you from doing the work you need to in the first relationship.
in a daze Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 bottom line, if you are even thinking about getting your noodle wet, then you really dont give 2 ****s about your marriage. im in the same situation, and i am not even pondering getting plowed by some other chick.
Author blue7 Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 No. It's not about getting laid at all. I'm not interested in that right now. (I'd be lying if I say it never crossed my mind) I think to me it is more about affection. My wife is just so distant. My world is turning upside down. I just can't fathom what is happening to me...it is like everything I know to be real...is no longer. It would be nice to have someone around that seems to care.
carhill Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You're detoxing on familiarity. Your brain craves the familiar stimulus inputs. I'll bet there are plenty of people who care about you. Look around and pay attention. They're there. Think very carefully before taking any action in the companionship area.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 It'd be hard for me as a man to ignore another woman especially if my wife F-ing "Abandons" me for no other reason for her wanting to find herself and claim her independance. When a woman leaves you for some BS that hurts, your left there holding the bag wondering what the hell happened and she's transitioning to a new life without you. Why should he suffer just because she cant make up her own damn mind. I'd put it like this , if your going to reconsile then dont sleep with anyone, agreed. But if she's wanting to make this seperation permanent why should you wait, move on, slay whoever you want and finalize your divorce. date other people. but whatever you choose, that what shall be. I'm finding it real hard for me as a man to tell another man to wait for his wife to come back? why should that man be a lovesick puppy waiting for his master to return. Getting a Life includes having a female companion in some form than go ahead. I'm sorry but finding herself equals abandonment in my book!!!!
carhill Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Heal and move on. Is he ready to be a good partner to another woman? Is he even ready to be a good date? IDK. I know I wouldn't be, and I'm a lot further along in the process than he is, and have had psychological help. It's relatively easy to become involved with someone, but far more difficult to have a healthy relationship with this hurt so fresh in his psyche. OP, give me an honest answer. Do you think about your wife? Does she matter to you? If yes, it's not yet time for another, IMO. I honestly don't think about my wife anymore, and I'm still cautious. Here's why....I might meet someone who is right for me and is compatible and who shares attraction; I don't want to screw that up because of my own psychological issues with my M. I can't know that in advance; I can't predict it. This is where I think the women of LS seem to have good advice regarding taking it slow. Hope you find your way. I empathize with you. I haven't had meaningful affection in many years....
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