CrazynAlabama Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Six weeks ago I discovered my husband of 35 years is not only gay, but he's been carrying on a series of affairs and one-night-stand with men for at least 4 years. I've always had implicit trust in him, but he betrayed me. Over the past weeks I've been to my doctor to be tested for STDs (all negative thank goodness), found an attorney and had a consultation with him, found a counselor and meet next week, dug through financial records and have a pretty good idea of where we stand in terms of money and cried myself to sleep every night. Our sex life has been non-existant for several years because of ED (or so I thought). One of the clues to his infidelity was a prescription for daily Cialis. I also found condoms and lube, cock rings and an anal plug/vibrator and gay magazines and books. I was able to get into his email and from there I found he has accounts on two gay hook-up websites -- and has had them for 3-4 years. He has "friends" across the country. He travels on business and when he goes out of town, he changes his location on his profile and invites complete strangers to his hotel room for sex. He's a bottom, which puts him at higher risk for HIV, though he claims to practice safe sex only and not use drugs. When I went to my doctor for testing, I asked if I needed to be tested if my husband had been in there and tested negative. "Off the record," he told me, "he hasn't been in here for any tests." I'm 58 years old, have not worked in years and my earning potential is not good. He, on the other hand, has a six-figure income. My attorney told me he felt certain I could get at least 50% of our assets, and given the length of our marriage, my not working much and the gravity of my husband's actions, I could probably get more plus lifetime alimony. I hope that's true because my greatest fear is to end up living in a trailer park with no health insurance while he's still cavorting around the country screwing everything with a Y chromosome. I still have to confront him with my knowledge (and I have copies of emails, his profiles on these websites, a photo of the lube and enema syringe he carries in his backpack and more). When I meet with the counselor next week I plan to ask how, when and where to do this. I've only told two dear friends who live out of state because I have to have someone to talk to in order to maintain some sanity. I've also told my sister, and she is behind me 100% and will loan me money if I need it. She'll even come here with her husband to be with me when I confront him if that's what the counselor thinks is necesarry. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I have to pretend everything is normal while I gather evidence, put together financial info for the attorney and wait to talk with the counselor. I never thought I'd be in this situation but then again, I've learned sometimes you just do not know a person like you thought you did.
toddro Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Uhh.. Wow... Well Im speechless, but at least you seem to have a plan...but yeah... Wow. Sorry, I'll just shut up on this one now.
pelicanpreacher Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Maybe you should invest in a strapon and give him a savage taste of the medicine he seeks! Reel his mind and rock his world for he has shown complete disregard and disdain for you and your marriage and sorely needs a brutal lesson in truth and honesty!
Enema Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Do you have children? Did he suggest that you stop working? I'm not sure what you are looking for as it just seems to be a story, with no questions. Do you, honestly think you deserve half of everything, including his salary until he dies?
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I'm not sure what you are looking for as it just seems to be a story, with no questions. Do you, honestly think you deserve half of everything, including his salary until he dies? I don't see why she doesn't deserve it! The lying bastard will get what he deserves. I have no problem if he chooses his lifestyle. As a gay single male it sounds like quite the life. Travel around the country for work, earn a good living, and bang strange guys (or should I say get banged) at your liesure. Where the problem comes in is that the bastard is still married! He should have told his wife and begun to separate (and eventually divorce) from his wife immediately. Then he might get deserve a fair shake... To the OP, it sounds like you have your head on straight and are going about this the right way. I hope everything works out well for you...
imagine Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I heard that in Texas they have a policy that says that sex with someone else while in a married relationship is sex that can cause harm. Your husband could be charged for this.
Author CrazynAlabama Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 Do you have children? Did he suggest that you stop working? I'm not sure what you are looking for as it just seems to be a story, with no questions. Do you, honestly think you deserve half of everything, including his salary until he dies? We have two grown children and a grandchild. When we first married, his job required us to move frequently and about all the work I could get was temp jobs. Then the kids came along and he took another job, but wanted me to stay home. After he nearly bankrupted us with a crazy business scheme, I went to work for 6 years go help pay off the debts while he got us involved in network marketing that cost us nearly $1000 a month for meetings and tapes and such. He had me quit work because it made him look more successful in the network marketing biz. Yes, I think I deserve half of our assets and alimony to allow me to maintain my lifestyle forever. I'm not talking about designer clothes and trips to spas. I'm talking about Target and JC Penney, the occasional $12 manicure and the compact car I drive. When he said "I do" on our wedding day, he entered into a contract. He's breached that contract, and because he's in effect rendered me incapable of earning enough money to support myself decently, he should have to pay for his "crime." He has commited adultery and that's grounds for divorce in our state. My attorney isn't out to leave him penniless, but he IS out to make sure I have a decent and comfortable life. I probably won't be able to keep our house, but realistically I'm not sure I want all the work of maintaining the inside and outside by myself. A condo or even an apartment would be all I need.
Author CrazynAlabama Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 Maybe you should invest in a strapon and give him a savage taste of the medicine he seeks! Reel his mind and rock his world for he has shown complete disregard and disdain for you and your marriage and sorely needs a brutal lesson in truth and honesty! Nice thought but that would lower me to his level. One fear I have, though, is that one day he'll invite the wrong person to his hotel room and end up dead. Or he could pick up a teenage boy who looks legal and end up in prison for stat rape. He needs psychiatric help desperately and I plan to demand he seek treatment for this reckless and destructive behavior. I have the names and addresses of two of his local sex partners. One is married with children. I think that info will be nice leverage when we start talking about a settlement.
Author CrazynAlabama Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 I have no problem if he chooses his lifestyle. As a gay single male it sounds like quite the life. Travel around the country for work' date=' earn a good living, and bang strange guys (or should I say get banged) at your liesure. Where the problem comes in is that the bastard is still married! He should have told his wife and begun to separate (and eventually divorce) from his wife immediately. Then he might get deserve a fair shake...[/quote'] Precisely. If he'd come to me years ago and said, "I'm gay" things would have been different. But he's deceived me for decades and put my health at risk for at least 4 years that I can prove. That is not the behavior of a man who loves and respects his wife. He was raised in a very strictly religious dysfunctional family where hypocrisy was common. His mother would criticize an unwed mother even though she herself was pregnant when she got married. After her first husband died, she began dating an man who was a heavy drinker even though she taught her children that alcohol was the devil's brew. She would tell people that the man was head of the household while she wore the pants in the family. I read one article that said Compared to straight men, gay men are more likely to be left-handed, to be the younger siblings of older brothers, and to have hair that whorls in a counterclockwise direction. US researchers are finding common biological traits among gay men, feeding a growing consensus that sexual orientation is an inborn combination of genetic and environmental factors that largely decide a person's sexual attractions before they are born. He's left-handed, has an older brother and I'm not sure which way his hair whorls because he shaves his head. I can accept homosexuality (though not admitting it sooner is unconscionable) but the risk-taking and deceit is appalling.
Enema Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Just wanted to pop back in say 'fair enough'. Sounds like you're on the right track and deserve whatever your lawyer can get. Good luck.
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