Author jenniferlm Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 OHhhhh HECK NO No interest. None. Zero. As I just told my Mom, I think there's better out there. Why bother dating someone whom you will have to "prove" yourself to? I don't think I should have to do that. Maybe that makes me a bit prissy, but I just don't think I should have to. I don't judge anyone based on what's happened to me in the past. I don't think every guy I meet is just like the one before...so why should I put up with some guy who is going to do that to me???
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Jennifer, this guy is not pursuing you. He didn't ask you out on a third date, he just said you're free to call him if you want to do something (think: sex) in the next few days. He didin't even ask you if he may call YOU (unless you forgot to mention it). Just forget about him. Also, there is no reason to explain WHY you don't think you're right for each other. Did he ask you for an explanation? Did he say you were right for each other? Finally, you said you want to treat people the way you want to be treated. So would you prefer if he never called you again or if he called you to tell you that you're not the one for him because of this and that? I also think you're taking that philosophy way too literally. If you want a cat for your birthday, that doesn't mean you should give cats to all your friends. Maybe they don't want them.
blondesmiler Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 This is really poor behavior, and not respectful of you. Slamming beers, texting throughout the meal, complaining about anything and everything...as my mother is fond of saying, he needs to be sent to manner school! Agree, this was a very poor show. When dating you should have manners and want to show your best side, if you do not care about impressions and manners in the first few dates then going forward they wouldn't care either, says alot about a person IMO. I wouldn't write a note. He said to call him if you are interested., You're not. Leave it at that. Yes absolutely.
Girlygirl1977 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 well calling someone frigid and being nasty isn't what I had in mind.... and again, the question wasn't whether to let him know I'm not interested, but whether I was RIGHT for not being interested. And not over reacting, and being over sensitive. I've had people tell me why they weren't interested. They weren't being pompous...it's called honesty. Again, we should all treat people how we would want to be treated. Right? I have no intention of being rude, as really, he's entitled to ANY opinion he wants as far as relationships, people being worthless, etc etc. It's just that his view is so different than mine, that it makes us incompatible. I really don't think he's wrong for feeling as he does...a lot of people do feel that way these days. And it's great, actually, that he's able to be so honest so quickly with someone about how he feels... That way no one finds this out months later and realizes they wasted their time. And NO I don't want to change him. That's something I would NEVER do to someone. It's a waste of time, and not my bag really. At my age, (and the age of my dating pool) that's really a NON issue, as we're all WAY into our adulthood, and pretty much set in our ways. People show you who they are - believe it. He wasn't faking anything there. . .4 beers and you had a glass of wine - negative talk - etc. I don't understand why you don't write this guy off already seriously. Also you are spending way too much thinking about a non-starter guy. Why? In wasting your time on a non-desireable guy, you lose time which could be used to focus on a better guy for you. It's all really odd and I'm surprised we are spending so much time deciding on how you will commmunicate further with a horrible date. Run - put on the running shoes and run!
tkgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 what is it about this whole thread that makes me want to start pounding beers? and it's not even noon yet!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 what is it about this whole thread that makes me want to start pounding beers? and it's not even noon yet! It's 5:00 somewhere
Author jenniferlm Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 Nah, I sent it, and got a thank you note from him later on this AM. I think everyone assumed that I was going to send a rude note based on his behavior...but as I said, I intended to let him know in a nice way. He had said he'd call when he got back if I didn't have time to go out before he left, and I didn't see the point in leaving someone hanging...when he can now have some fun and maybe go on a date or two while he's gone, or plan another with someone else when he gets back. So...no I wouldn't buy all my friends cats. But I would want someone to let me know what's on their mind. And not waste my time, or act like I didn't even deserve a thanks for dinner, it's been nice to meet you, but we're looking for different things kinda note. I told him I wasn't saying I'm right and he's wrong, just that it's different. People have the right to their opinions, it's just that sometimes differing opinions can make people incompatible. I think this is a good example of how people often don't treat people how they'd like to be treated, and why the dating pool is so shallow. I see no problem with being honest and upfront with someone...provided it's done in the right way. Also, I live in a rather SMALL town. The chances that I'd run into him again are VERY good. Now, there won't be any ackwardness...because believe me, I've done it both ways...I used to just not call or answer the phone in my younger days, and nothing is worse than running into someone whom you've given the cold shoulder to. Some of them would come up and say something, which was bad, not to mention the other awkward moments....
Girlygirl1977 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Too much text/writing about a guy "you do not like". . .really odd. move on! next!
tkgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Nah, I sent it, and got a thank you note from him later on this AM. I think everyone assumed that I was going to send a rude note based on his behavior...but as I said, I intended to let him know in a nice way. He had said he'd call when he got back if I didn't have time to go out before he left, and I didn't see the point in leaving someone hanging...when he can now have some fun and maybe go on a date or two while he's gone, or plan another with someone else when he gets back. So...no I wouldn't buy all my friends cats. But I would want someone to let me know what's on their mind. And not waste my time, or act like I didn't even deserve a thanks for dinner, it's been nice to meet you, but we're looking for different things kinda note. I told him I wasn't saying I'm right and he's wrong, just that it's different. People have the right to their opinions, it's just that sometimes differing opinions can make people incompatible. I think this is a good example of how people often don't treat people how they'd like to be treated, and why the dating pool is so shallow. I see no problem with being honest and upfront with someone...provided it's done in the right way. Also, I live in a rather SMALL town. The chances that I'd run into him again are VERY good. Now, there won't be any ackwardness...because believe me, I've done it both ways...I used to just not call or answer the phone in my younger days, and nothing is worse than running into someone whom you've given the cold shoulder to. Some of them would come up and say something, which was bad, not to mention the other awkward moments.... makes me glad I don't live in a small town... anyways, good for you.. I'm glad you feel better and now you can move on!
Author jenniferlm Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 I already have a date tonight....I accepted another last night after I got back from the horrible one. so moving on is no issue.... and really the only question I posed was whether or not I was right in calling things off...NOT in letting him know I was.
yeex Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 He had said he'd call when he got back if I didn't have time to go out before he left, Haha, I bet you anything that you go on another date with this guy eventually. If you really were not that interested you would not have made a big deal out of it. Keep us updated. This is kinda entertaining.
385 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Maybe he's stressed and anxious that he has to go on duty again.
Cherished Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I agree with Record Producer's post, he wasn't that into you anyway since he just said for you to "call him if you're interested." That is NOT the sign of a guy who is into you. It's not like you're 'leaving him hanging' because he stated to only call if you're interested. He probably got a little chuckle from your email "letting him down easy" but he wasn't sitting by the phone waiting for your call, and wasn't putting a halt on his dating life waiting for you, that's for sure.
St. Nick Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 The military can really mess you up when it comes to communicating with people. I've been there, done that. The whole "service before self" motto can really stick it into you. I totally understand where he's coming from because the military can mess with you. I was married to it for 4 years and we had a messy road: commanders giving me garbage, seeing other people in your rank pull **** and get away with it, feel like your getting pushed and pulled everywhere, etc. can really drain a guy and that's where the bottle comes in to make it better. Unfortunately for me it drove a lot of people away and I wished there had been more people to help me to cope. I'm not saying you should go out with him but being in the military can be a blessing one day and can be a drag the next. Try to understand that being in the army is not like any civilian job; it has a lot more responsibilities and restrictions. He's going through a tough time. At least email him to ask what's up and why his behavior changed. He may just give you a straight answer.
Cherished Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Yeah but she is also military so wouldn't she be able to understand and relate to this?
johan Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Well...second date rolls around and he's pounding down the beer. He had four LARGE ones before I'd even finished small glass of wine. This is a sure sign of a guy who really knows how to please a woman. If you don't agree, don't feel obligated to take the initiative to let him know. After two dates, it's not like there is some kind of commitment you have to uphold. He'll either drift off, or else you can tell him you're not interested if he happens to call. There. That's all there is to it.
Cherished Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I think if you insist you need to inform tell someone you're not interested after 2 "dates" then the mature thing to do would be to actually call. Writing an email to tell someone you're not into them seems passive aggressive to me. It seems like a copout and not really mature.
St. Nick Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Yeah but she is also military so wouldn't she be able to understand and relate to this? Kinda...yeah...but the military has separate expectations for guys instead of girls. I can't tell you how many times I was scolded for doing something worse than a female. They'd say, "A female did this just last week. Do you know how disappointed I'll be in you if you let a female beat you?" I got in trouble one time for reminding one of my supervisors that his supervisor was a female.
RecordProducer Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Nah, I sent it, and got a thank you note from him later on this AM. So you ditched him and he said "Thank you"? I think everyone assumed that I was going to send a rude note based on his behavior...but as I said, I intended to let him know in a nice way. Dear Poopeedoo, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that I enjoyed the chicken wings, the service was great, the weather was fantastic, my car wasn't keyed, and I got home safely. The bad news is: those for the only good things that night. He had said he'd call when he got back if I didn't have time to go out before he left, and I didn't see the point in leaving someone hanging...when he can now have some fun and maybe go on a date or two while he's gone, or plan another with someone else when he gets back. So...no I wouldn't buy all my friends cats. But I would want someone to let me know what's on their mind. And not waste my time, or act like I didn't even deserve a thanks for dinner, it's been nice to meet you, but we're looking for different things kinda note. I told him I wasn't saying I'm right and he's wrong, just that it's different. People have the right to their opinions, it's just that sometimes differing opinions can make people incompatible. I think this is a good example of how people often don't treat people how they'd like to be treated, and why the dating pool is so shallow. I see no problem with being honest and upfront with someone...provided it's done in the right way. Also, I live in a rather SMALL town. The chances that I'd run into him again are VERY good. Now, there won't be any ackwardness...because believe me, I've done it both ways...I used to just not call or answer the phone in my younger days, and nothing is worse than running into someone whom you've given the cold shoulder to. Some of them would come up and say something, which was bad, not to mention the other awkward moments....If someone tells you that MAY call them IF you wish, then you have two options: to call or not to call. NOT calling is also a response. You're concerned that he might refuse to date while away if he is hoping for another date with you. Don't be so naive. I understand your desire to be polite and spare someone, but I, for example, would much rather just write off someone as "not calling" than hear about how he doesn't like me. It doesn't matter how you put it, the dumpee always knows that you didn't like something about them. Then they start wondering what. If you tell them, you might erode their self-esteem. Also, they might start concealing that particular fault and ultimately, your honesty would screw some other woman, who wouldn't know that he's hiding his drinking tendency effectively. Too much text/writing about a guy "you do not like". . .really odd. move on! next!Some people just want to be as kind as possible. I appreciate that. I might disagree about writing him a note, but I respect that she wants to do the right thing. Or maybe she just enjoys telling men how bad they are? Just kidding.
sfsassy Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 After two dates, would you really want someone telling you why they don't want to go out with you again? What if they thought you were boring? What if they didn't feel attracted to you anymore? Would you really want to hear that? Yes, after two dates it could be ANYTHING, and even if I like the guy a lot, I can detach pretty eailym and have no desire to kow what happened after so few dates. Also, I don't think this guy is that into the OP if he is saying "call me if you want to hang out" or whatever. It seems like somethiing a guy might say, just to say something. He is taking no iniative in setting up another date. My last date was a second date, and during the dinner, we planned the next date. If you want to write a note to vent that is one thing, but don't expect him to care, ad he might turn the tables around, and tell you what he didn't like you, as he might get defensive if a "chick" he barely knows starts talking about all his ffaults.
sfsassy Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Haha, I bet you anything that you go on another date with this guy eventually. If you really were not that interested you would not have made a big deal out of it. Keep us updated. This is kinda entertaining. Seriously, if I never want to talk to a guy again, I just don't talk to them and say no thanks if they call . And even in a small town I bet you can say hi, be polite without getting into a big converation It isn't scanalous anywhere to not like someone after two dates.
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 This is a LOT of analysis about a second date with a guy you do NOT like. Is it really that hard to just "NEXT!" him?
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