chevy04 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I’m in a situation that’s different than most. I’ve been married for 12 years to my 2nd husband. He has 2 kids, I have 2 kids. We both had custody of our children. Now they are all 4 grown and outta the house. Most women who have an affair talk about their husbands being bad in some way….well, mine is the opposite. He puts me on a pedestal, treats me like a queen, and basically grovels at my feet. He’s basically smothering me and it’s getting on my nerves. Well…here’s the difficult part. I’ve fallen in love with another man. It’s not just a “fling”; he’s the man I’m supposed to be with…I love him like I’ve never loved before. He’s been separated for 2 years, and is trying to get custody of his 3 kids. He told me from the beginning of our relationship that his kids were his priority and his biggest fear was losing them. He said he wouldn’t get involved in anything that would jeopardize his kids…..so we’ve been sneaking around. I finally rented a place and moved out. My husband was devastated. He some way found some documents on our computer that have an IM log between myself and the other man. These IM’s are very explicit and I’m afraid my husband will use them if we get a divorce, which the other man is panicked that these will be disclosed in some way. I told him I had a plan….I’m telling my husband that I will try to work it out with him and get the love back. My husband is sooo happy now, but my plan really doesn’t include being with him. I’m trying to gain his trust back and make him think the other man is completely outta the picture. I’m protecting the man I really truly love. Then when my lease is up, I’m filing for divorce…and hopefully the documents won’t be disclosed. The problem is…I feel sooo guilty for hurting my husband so badly and stringing him along. I hate myself for hurting him, but I can’t help how I feel about this other man. I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation or if there’s any advice. I know most people hate “cheaters”, but I NEVER thought I would be in this horrible situation, but I can’t help my true, deep feelings for this other man!
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I see a pattern here: you had a husband who was a nice guy and you said he was smothering you. This is not just any nice guy; this is a man you chose to marry even though he lived with two kids. I don't know if you ever loved him, but it seems like while you're stringing along your husband, your new man is stringing YOU along. And you know it. All he cares about is to stay clean in case his divorce ends up at court. Are you going to live with his three children? I don't believe for a minute that it has to do with the children. It's probably the marital assets and money he's worried about. It also seems to me that you're not in an enviable financial position since you're mentioning the end of your lease as an end to something - and thus a beginning of something else. I don't thin your husband is so happy and I don't think your husband will lose much by losing you. Son don't worry about that part. Your husband is better off without you. What I am worried about is you and your children. It seems like the other man only cares about himself and his children. He's been separated for two years but not only NOT living with you, but sneaking out. You love him to bits, but it doesn't sound like he is 100% into this relationship (with you). I am only afraid that you will end up begging your husband to take you back. By that time, he will have figured out all your games and won't have you back. Be careful.
bentnotbroken Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I think what everyone else has said is on the money.
jnj express Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 This figures, 2 cheaters, and here we have a cheater with remorse. What makes you think that REAL life with this MAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED to be with is going to be any great thing. You have not lived with him, you have not done any real life things with him, you have not gone thru life's problems with him. yet he is who you are supposed to be with. Give us all a break, but give your H. the biggest break, and set him free. You are going to string him along, so the other man can benefit.
sugarmomma Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You all are being so mean and cruel to her. She may be making a mistake but The things said to her are really unnecessary. Nobody is perfect and we all fall short at times. People come here to get support not judged, my God!! JUDGE NOT LEST YOU BE JUDGED. LET HIM WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE. YOU ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! I AM DONE WITH THIS SITE. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE COOL.
Athena Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I told him I had a plan….I’m telling my husband that I will try to work it out with him and get the love back. My husband is sooo happy now, but my plan really doesn’t include being with him. I’m trying to gain his trust back and make him think the other man is completely outta the picture. I’m protecting the man I really truly love. Then when my lease is up, I’m filing for divorce…and hopefully the documents won’t be disclosed. The problem is…I feel sooo guilty for hurting my husband so badly and stringing him along. I hate myself for hurting him, but I can’t help how I feel about this other man. First off -- your OM sees first-hand how scheming you are in "your plan" to con and gaslight your husband, and do not think this will endear you to him! This is your OM's red flag about YOUR lack of integrity, and your willingness to continue to betray, lie to, and deceive an innocent man -- your H. As soon as OM has his own business taken care of -- that is, his kids, he will drop you like a hot potato. You are being very stupid about your decision to lower your standards in morals to an all time low.... for what?! Your kids are going to find out in good time what you are Really like, and for the next couple of generations, YOU will be known as the grandmother who cheated twice on her husband and that will be the entirety of your Legacy.
bentnotbroken Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You all are being so mean and cruel to her. She may be making a mistake but The things said to her are really unnecessary. Nobody is perfect and we all fall short at times. People come here to get support not judged, my God!! JUDGE NOT LEST YOU BE JUDGED. LET HIM WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE. YOU ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! I AM DONE WITH THIS SITE. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE COOL. How many of plan to hurt someone like this. How many of sinners literally plan to destroy another human being in such a cruel and callous way? She is leading the man she married on so he won't let the truth out about the man she is cheating with. As far as quoting the bible, did your read the part where Haman had the gallows built for Mordecai? Well, who ended up hung on them Haman or Mordecai? It was the one who planned the demise of the other...Haman.
datura_noir Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Well, things may not go your 3way, honey. What you have planned here is outright deceit and manipulation of another persons heart-your husband whom you admit treats you like gold-purely for the sake of a 'what if...' situation with some dude who has 3 kids. Oh, and BTW, I am sooooo sick and tired of people on here throwing out the "how dare you judge" crap. We ALL make judgements in our lives, and nowhere in the Bible does it say that judging the actions of a sinner are wrong. Only to judge whether they are redeemable. Even Christ said to Mary Magdalene to Go and sin no more-I'm quite sure she didn't continue prostituting after that. I don't practice religion, so your views on judgement go in my left ear and out the right.
Reggie Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You all are being so mean and cruel to her. She may be making a mistake but The things said to her are really unnecessary. Nobody is perfect and we all fall short at times. People come here to get support not judged, my God!! JUDGE NOT LEST YOU BE JUDGED. LET HIM WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE. YOU ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! I AM DONE WITH THIS SITE. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE COOL. This is ridiculous. Who leads his/her life witout judgement. Why not invite a Ted Bundy to babaysit? Judgement.
lostsunsets Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Why did you post here? All I can say is I hope your husband wakes up. And I think the other man will dump you pretty quickly once the newer model comes out. I mean if you got grown kids. You see, he is a cheater. And you are a cheater. You deserve each other. Wouldn't it be funny to find out that you are just one in a long string. I mean once a cheater always a cheater. Any way hope your husband wises up and dumps you.
pelicanpreacher Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You're going to leave a husband that treats you like gold for an OM that has made it clear you will remain second fiddle in his life when it comes to his children yet you're happy to trade down for the sake of love? Somehow, coming from the pampered existence you've enjoyed to one where you'll have to fight to earn your daily bread of attention, I don't think you'll be happy living that day to day reality for very long which is sure to create strife in this relationship down the road. If you in fact loathe your husband's doting to the extent your actions dictate then do him one kindness and release him now, not later. A man like him is sure to find a woman that will appreciate all he has to offer so, though he will be hurt by your decision, he'll be granted an opportunity to move forward and have the type of fulfilling relationship he's always dreamed of. We aren't guaranteed our time on this earth so why not be fair, show some integrity, and give him the freedom to love a life worth living? It's my bet that your OM wouldn't be too keen on having an open relationship with you even if you were freed by divorce and your husband posed no threat for, as you've already noted, he can't risk jeopardizing the custody arrangement he wants to secure in his own divorce. Even if he succesfully negotiates his divorce what guarantee do you have that he won't change his perspective on a relationship with you since it already seems fraught with deception and betrayal? Also, since you've already raised your children are you sure that you're up to the task of raising his, especially if they perceive and resent you as the interloper that destroyed their family home? I don't believe in the adage that there is honor amongst theives for greed nor vice know a master so be prepared for jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust to support your load bearing walls. Of course, you may indeed find nervana with this OM for it has been done before (see OW/OM board) but see with your eyes wide open for something wicked this way walks!
datura_noir Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 For the sake of balance, let me add this: Suppose you had the opportunity as married but BORED spouse, to meet all kinds of people with whom you might be compatible.....in a huge castle room, with ample drink and time to spare... The beginnings of anything are always full of promise and high on giddiness.... It is your ability as a grownup with kids to put the whole attraction thing in ITS PLACE and deal with your marriage. That is what we grownups do. We are all attracted to people everyday..it doesn't mean we are with the 'wrong' person...only our idea of that person. I don't want to scare you off as a poster. Sure, some OM/OW will come here and say that theirs was the right path, and that the MW/MM just can't see his true love right now; but they are few and sparse... The games you are playing or thinking of playing are so junior high-ish, that I can't help but beleive you are either very young or a troll. Please elaborate....
In Like Flynn Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Wow you really are a sad person. I hope your husband goes nuclear with exposure. All cheaters think the one they cheat with is their "Solemate" but studies always say they breakup around 90% of the time. You will not be in the 10%....God will see to it!!!
ForumFool Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Either a Troll or a cretin. God only forgives those who repent SugarMomma....this person is planning to not only live in sin but is plotting to destroy the family to do so and stringing along a good man (her husband) in the meantime...IF this is really a serious poster and not a troll God will judge her and not say good girl go and sin much more. I leave judgement to God but I must use discernment and I know trash when I see it . If this poster is for real I hope she stops all this OR if she chooses to be garbage I hope the hubby uses all that evidence to blow her slimy azz to hell and the OM loses his kids and all rights to them...He will then grow to hate her for the selfish person she is....
jwi71 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 ... Nobody is perfect and we all fall short at times. People come here to get support not judged, my God!! JUDGE NOT LEST YOU BE JUDGED. LET HIM WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE. OK...sugarmomma this is a real pet peeve of mine. If you are going to quote the bible, GET IT RIGHT. Your conscious editing of the bible to alter its meaning to support your notion of right and wrong is irritating. Please quote Matt 7:2-5. You know, the part you EDITED out. You know the part which RADICALLY alters your point. Sheesh. And on casting no stones...no one here is w/o sin. Nor are we casting stones. And of course, you again EXCLUDE what Jesus says and does next...particularly in regards to the adultress....
2sure Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 In most states in the US - infidelity cannot be used in grounds for divorce. So, your husband has no way of using proof of your affair against you. However, should you divorce and your H feel betrayed - he could, I suppose, send the OM's wife the information. While she also could not use his infidelity against him in thier divorce - some courts might consider this should he be going for custody of his kids. If he has been seperated for 2 years, and the children living with their mom - he is never going to get custody unless she is criminally or medically institutionalized or declared unfit. This is OFTEN tried by non custodial parents paying child support and RARELY works. Your OM knows this, and any attorney would have told him from the get go. So, if has been waiting 2 years for his divorce its because he doesnt want one or cannot afford one until his ex decides what she wants to do. All of this has nothing to do with you, is out of your hands and probably OM's as well. That being said - should you choose to wish to protect OM from possible accusations from your H...If your H has only a record of IM logs, that is in no way enough for OM's ex to use against him. For him to tell you the courts would even consider such nonsense is a real whopper. He is afraid if his wife finds out, she will not take him back. Why not just leave your husband? Your kids which he helped raise are gone...you dont need him anymore. The only reason for betraying him again and making him trust you again...is just to hurt him some more. If your into that...your plan is outstanding. Not many people could stomache doing it.
jwi71 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 chevy, You have only one situation to deal with: YOURS. Your MM is a big boy and can fight his own battles so let him. You CANNOT protect him. I mean WTF...he has sole custody of them now? If not, then he already has a visitation schedule in place. If your H is separated then I would be shocked that a court would radically alter the current visitation arrangements. So what is there to "fear"? Look, you two already know this. You have both been through D (your MM is only separated but its VERY similar) and know the game. You both know how custody works. And if not...all your MM must do is call his lawyer. You guys are making excuses. I can't guess your game but the reasoning presented is flimsy. Chevy, just file for D. Go ahead and get out. Spare yourself the misery of being treated like a queen. This also allows your H to move on, heal and find a woman who will appreciate his affections. Why steal those years of his life? And maybe your MM will file for D because he is offering a very flimsy excuse.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 These IM’s are very explicit and I’m afraid my husband will use them if we get a divorce Well, fortunately for you, no matter how despicable your actions, infidelity and cheating doesn't come into play whatsoever with regards to a divorce. It should, but it doesn't. The only thing infidelity does is give someone a reason to divorce. You are still going to be entitled to your half the marital assets, and you would still get custody of any children even if there is a video tape of you screwing the OM in your husband's bed. so congratulations! your infidelity won't impact your bottom line in a divorce. which the other man is panicked that these will be disclosed in some way. I told him I had a plan….I’m telling my husband that I will try to work it out with him and get the love back. My husband is sooo happy now, but my plan really doesn’t include being with him. This is just freakin' despicable and disgusting. Your husband is a good man and he deserves MUCH better. You had the t!ts to cheat, have the fortitude to give him a quick divorce. You'll get "yours", don't worry about that. I’m trying to gain his trust back and make him think the other man is completely outta the picture. I’m protecting the man I really truly love. Then when my lease is up, I’m filing for divorce…and hopefully the documents won’t be disclosed. Again, infidelity doesn't matter one iota in a divorce. Its just embarrassing for you and the OM. The problem is…I feel sooo guilty for hurting my husband so badly and stringing him along. I hate myself for hurting him, but I can’t help how I feel about this other man. I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation or if there’s any advice. I know most people hate “cheaters”, but I NEVER thought I would be in this horrible situation, but I can’t help my true, deep feelings for this other man!] Again, divorce your husband and set him free from you so he can live a life without being controlled and deceived like this. don't worry about whether the information gets out....it won't have any bearing in the divorce. Although, again, it should.....but it doesn't.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 You all are being so mean and cruel to her. I might tend to agree except you missed one big part of all this....SHE IS PURPOSELY DECEIVING HIM TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. She is stringing him along and mentally ABUSING him into thinking she cares when she knows the ENTIRE time she will be leaving him. Despicable. She may be making a mistake She isn't making a mistake. She is doing this on PURPOSE and she knows what she is doing. but The things said to her are really unnecessary. I beg to differ. Nobody is perfect and we all fall short at times. She isn't just "falling short". She is mentally abusing a good man. People come here to get support not judged, my God!! And just what support do you think she is looking for? Support in how to more easily deceive her husband until she finds the perfect opportunity to drop the bomb on him? YOU ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! I AM DONE WITH THIS SITE. Happy trails.
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