Juno Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 ....he texted me earlier this week. I haven't replied, but I so want to. He really didn't say much of anything, so I don't know why now he feels he needs to text me. It's been 2 months since we broke up and I had a hell of a time going strict no contact. It seems as soon as I get to the point of pushing him further and further in the back of my thoughts, he resurfaces. I think the purpose of his recent contact is to ease his guilt, clear his conscience that the break up hasn't pushed me too far, like coocoo (which it did). I can't imagine he wants to open the door to hooking up, or could he? I really want to contact him, see him but know in doing so I will open up a whole can of HURT. Why did he contact me now after I have sent so many messages...all of which he has ignored.
Ormolu611 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 What did the text say? If he didn't really say anything as you mention, then you need to ignore him. You said it yourself, contacting him is likely to open up a whole can of HURT. Don't do that and don't kill yourself trying to guess his motives.
BCCA Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 If it was anything more than checking in, he would have made it really clear. Sounds like he just wants to not feel guilty, get laid, or is bored. Ignore anything that doesnt sound important, like 'i made a huge mistake, Im so sorry'. Anything else is just bread crumbs to keep you on the hook.
rainbowbrite Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 If it was anything more than checking in, he would have made it really clear. Sounds like he just wants to not feel guilty, get laid, or is bored. Ignore anything that doesnt sound important, like 'i made a huge mistake, Im so sorry'. Anything else is just bread crumbs to keep you on the hook. i dont kno of anybody who would say that. that is so embarrassing. i mean, as the dumper they dont want to be shot down either, so clearly they are not going to say anything rediculous like that. if someone wants you back, they prob are just going to give u breadcrumbs to see what happens, taking things slow i guess
Author Juno Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 ...as I mentioned I didn't handle the break well. I tried to be strong, but the more I contacted him the more he ignored me. The final straw came on V-Day, I was so depressed, so I sent him a text and told him I was going to take some sleeping pills to deal. (please don't flame me for this, I was in a BAD place) Still nothing, nada from him. Now 4 weeks later he texts me and asked "What does this mean?" The time to ask (show concern) was in the moment, not 4 weeks later. So this recent contact leads me to believe he just wants to see that I'm still kicking to ease his conscience. Since I have not responded, he has not tried to contact me again. But now I can not stop thinking about him, and the possibility that he may want to work things out.
rainbowbrite Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 ...as I mentioned I didn't handle the break well. I tried to be strong, but the more I contacted him the more he ignored me. The final straw came on V-Day, I was so depressed, so I sent him a text and told him I was going to take some sleeping pills to deal. (please don't flame me for this, I was in a BAD place) Still nothing, nada from him. Now 4 weeks later he texts me and asked "What does this mean?" The time to ask (show concern) was in the moment, not 4 weeks later. So this recent contact leads me to believe he just wants to see that I'm still kicking to ease his conscience. Since I have not responded, he has not tried to contact me again. But now I can not stop thinking about him, and the possibility that he may want to work things out. well he prob feels bad for ignoring u and is wondering why u now started to ignore him, hes prob like wtf? thats my job! but if u have to come to a board to ask wut to do then i think u kno the answer..follow ur heart. ur alredi hurt enough, even if he hurts u again, at least ull kno and get it out of ur system. i think u should talk to him and seee wut he says, but keep ur guard WAAAY UP. good luck
BCCA Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 i dont kno of anybody who would say that. that is so embarrassing. i mean, as the dumper they dont want to be shot down either, so clearly they are not going to say anything rediculous like that. if someone wants you back, they prob are just going to give u breadcrumbs to see what happens, taking things slow i guess Which is precisely why only 3% of people split up and get back together for longer than one year. Anything that wasnt much of an effort isnt worth a lot, so if you let them back easy - taking breadcrumbs, theyll lose respect and a sense of value for you because you let them walk all over you, and they didnt even have to beg and plead for forgiveness. If I wanted someone back, I would call and tell them I made a mistake. I wouldnt expect that 'hey want to hang out' would be sufficient enough to overlook that whole 'I dumped you and made you feel like crap' thing. But youre right, most people dont do that because most people just want your COMPANY back, not you.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Im sure you want to reply to him...maybe he is trying to ease his guilt in breaking up with you, and wants to make sure you are ok. You have a decision to make..ignore him or text back. Just remember all those times you texted him and he ignored you and now he has the audacity to send you a text out of nowhere, like things are ok? He really hurt you and Im sure he will have an excuse for ignoring you. Maybe he wants to be friends? I played along with the friends thing with my ex and I ended up blowing up at him. Do you want him back in your life? And Im just telling you now , anything you text back to him im sure he will turn around. Or what if you send a text now and he doesn't respond..you dont want to feel hurt all over again. I have no room to talk because I have texted and responded to my ex and honestly it has only hurt me in the end. Just do what feels best for you.
JoL Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 He is texting you now because he has seen that you have finally started to ease yourself away from him- not calling, texting etc. Ex's smell the psychological recovery from millions of miles away and they choose to strike at that point and reel you back in. If he made a mistake and wanted to see you again or get you back, he would have made the effort by now. He would have called, apologised, begged, sent flowers...whatever it took. He has not done any of this. He didn't care on V day that you could have potentially harmed yourself. He ignored you. What part of this guys behaviour indicates that he wants you back or cares? I'm sorry to be so harsh- but you need to realise this guy is not treating you the way a loving, caring boyfriend would. Please do not reply. You will set yourself back weeks of progress you have gained during no contact. You need to continue ignoring him and showing him you DON'T need him or his attention. You need to work on healing yourself and moving forward without him in your life at all. If he wants you back, he will make it know, trust me.
paperchase Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 JoL is right. You will set yourself back and boost your ex's ego. What your ex wants from you can be given by the shortest most innocent cavalier response you can craft. Just to be acknowledged after he ignored you in your greatest time of need. Don't do it. Most likely scenario is you write back and he never responds again or takes months to do it. What you need/want from him is much greater and what you will get will leave you feeling very empty and sorry you ever responded. Been there, done that and my ex showed WAY more effort than yours. Still, their motives are the similar.
Author Juno Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 ...so I will not reply back to him. It was exactly 4 weeks to the day on V-Day that I contacted him with the most heartfelt and deepest despair message of my life. What did he do? He gave me his ass to kiss for the next 3 weeks by ignoring me. Really, I was at my lowest point on that day, and if the tables were turned, I would have been there for him. You just never know...if a person says they are going to do something, has a reason (in their mind), and has the means....you should take that cry out for help seriously. In any event...not to focus on THAT, but I will use this day as a celebration of 4 weeks no contact on my part. I will not break it today. He can continue to wonder if I'm dead or not. I will not ease his guilt or conscience. He now has my ass to kiss.
JoL Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 GOOD! Don't reply- you will only feel empty, sick and angry for doing so. Believe me, it's so much better this way.
mgsykes Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 I think JoL hit the mark. The relationship was over ages ago and it's time to move on. www.geckohouse.com.au
openbook08 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 well then, miss juno, happy 4weeks no contact day!! let it be a day to congratulate yourself, not berate yourself well done!
Author Juno Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 ...thru the day and did not contact him. It wasn't easy. I spent all day and all night thinking about him and what we had together. Gosh...I miss him so much. I wish he wasn't such a jacka**. Now I have to set my next milestone, to make it to next weekend without giving into the temptation. I hope he is as tormented as I am when his messages go unreturned.
Author Juno Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 Ok this maybe a contradiction in everything I have posted, but do you think I should just text him back to let him know I'm not dead? Maybe the text should read "not dead" I dunno. I just had this overwhemling urge to do extactly that.
openbook08 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 its none of his business you had a weak moment, you were hurting and heartbroken, you made a mistake. it wasnt a manipulative move on your part, you were naturally reaching out to the person who you wouldve always reached out to.... but youre moving on now leave it.
Author Juno Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 its none of his business you had a weak moment, you were hurting and heartbroken, you made a mistake. it wasnt a manipulative move on your part, you were naturally reaching out to the person who you wouldve always reached out to.... but youre moving on now leave it. OK...thanks for the reinforcement. I'll leave it. I just want him to want me back. I would have been just fine this weekend had he not texted me. Don't know what to do with myself. I only have eyes for him.
9Lives Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 OK...thanks for the reinforcement. I'll leave it. I just want him to want me back. I would have been just fine this weekend had he not texted me. Don't know what to do with myself. I only have eyes for him. Juno, you are being given good advice here. trust it more than you trust yourself right now. We broke up and he started texting me little by little. We met up last week for happy hour. We talked and I agree with alot of what JOL said. It was about him. He wanted to clear his conscious. He wants to be friends. He was to stay in contact. Well now I feel back inside cause I am thinking more and more about him. I was not doing too good before we got together but now I am feeling bad. I think you should not respond. The only reason he is texting is for his own reasons. If he was really concerned, he would have checked weeks ago to see if you are okay. Dont do it
openbook08 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 OK...thanks for the reinforcement. I'll leave it. I just want him to want me back. I would have been just fine this weekend had he not texted me. Don't know what to do with myself. I only have eyes for him. and.....you will be fine again trust me, what youre feeling is completely normal, we've been rejected by someone we love of course we want them to want us back but we must not reject ourselves in that process....you are worth a lot & he must show you unequivocally if he wants you back not some half assed text CRAP youll bounce back quicker and quicker if you keep up NC. keep posting X:)
Charmaine_Champagne Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 i'm going through a very similar thing at the moment (see earlier threads) and i would say ignore the text, it was probably just to test the waters.. unless he is calling you & begging you, telling you he is sorry, loves you, made a mistake, etc.. then ignore his meaningless text. he thinks he can just send a text like that and pick you up again and it's also likely he wouldn't reply if u did answer him and that would just set you back a few weeks to the anxiety and wondering, checking your phone for days wondering has he answered. keep up the no contact. if you reply to this it suggests you're still there waiting around until he clicks his fingers.. now let him be tortured, let him wonder how you are, where you are and what you're up to.. turn the tables
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