smoochme2007 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Hi all! Here's the story; I met guy #1 about 2 months ago. Yes, we're intimate. He was burned in his last relationship so he says he wants to take it slow with me. No probelm for me - I'm having a great time! I met guy #2 about 2 years ago and we had only 3 or 4 dates and stopped seeing each other. He had just gotten divorced after 20 years so I figured he just wasn't ready and that's okay, no hard feelings. He resurfaced in December (before I met Guy #2) and finally asked me out after I had been seeing Guy #2 for about 2 weeks. Bear with me here...I have been seeing both of them but only slept with Guy #1 and really only had about 4 dates with Guy #2. Guy #1 knows that I was dating someone else and when we were out the other night, he saw the name of Guy #2 on my phone and low and behold - it is his very good friend!!! Guy #2 actually handled it pretty well and has agreed to let me tell Guy#2 myself - which I'm doing tomorrow because we already have plans to see each other. Guy #2 has said that "we'll figure this out, Guy #2 and I are going to be fine, you did nothing wrong" He's saying all the right stuff but he's not professing his love to me or anything and out of respect for his friend, we have not talked since the other night but he told me to let him know after I've told Guy #2. Argh! What can I say to Guy #2 tomorrow, to let him know that I'd rather be with him, without it getting back to his friend and without even knowing if I have the choice because he may tell me he's not interested anyway? Thanks for any advice on what to say to Guy #2 without hurting either one of them!
BCCA Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 First, dont hedge your bets with people. If you like one more than the other, then youre going to have to take the very real risk of losing both by making this decision. You shouldnt waffle back and forth because you dont want to burn any bridges, its unfair to all 3 of you. The fact that theyre friends shouldnt be a big deal, but you really cant drag this out anymore at all. You have to make a decision, and understand that youre going to be stuck with it. If you dont, then both of them could decide youre playing games and be done with you. And it doesnt matter who it gets back to, because like I said - you cant hedge your bets with people. Its downright cruel. If you like #1/2 (I cant really get which one you like better, sorry. ) better, then you should go with that. Tell the other person you think theyre a good person, but you feel more chemistry with the other person and dont want to waste his time. Thats a really honest thing to do, and he'll have a lot more respect for you. Remember, if you BS or make up excuses, he's surely going to tell his buddy, which just makes you look bad. HONESTY is not only the best policy, its the only choice if you want everyone to feel respected.
Author smoochme2007 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks for the advice and I agree - honesty is the best policy and I would never lie to either one of them. I'm afraid when I tell Guy #2 that I have been intimate with his friend for 2 months, he won't want to see me anymore anyway, even if I do tell him that I see potential with him and would like to continue to date him. What can I say to let him know that I see long-term potential with him and not the other, without hurting either one of their feelings? Remember, I'm not even sure how this guy feels about me yet...thanks!
Dexter Morgan Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Guy #1 was burned in his last relationship. Well golly willikers!!!! He is getting burned again. Break up with guy #1 and spare him. After getting burned before, he doesn't deserve this now. He deserves someone that will be true to him. A side note, I can't keep your chronology straight. I think you say guy 2 in place you meant guy 1 and vice versa. *head spinning*
BCCA Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 What can I say to let him know that I see long-term potential with him and not the other, without hurting either one of their feelings? Exactly that. 'I see long term potential with you, and would like to pursue this relationship further. I still think X is great, but I see more promise with you' Honest, not mean, nothing for anyone to be upset about. If someone gets hurt, trust me, it will be more like a 'bummer' feeling that will fade. And he'll tell his friend at least you were honest, which both will appreciate. There is no magic thing to say so that there is no way anyone gets hurt, you cant control that. Remember, I'm not even sure how this guy feels about me yet...thanks! This is what I was talking about when I said not to hedge your bets. So, if the guy you really like wasnt interested, you want to other guy to be plan B? Come on, thats just not fair, and you know thats not how it works. You just have to make a decision and live with it. Its a risk, but either way, they guys gonna find out. If his buddy doesnt like you, he'll know that before you do probably. So if you come back, he'll know that he's the fallback, and wont respect you or have very nice things to say about you. Suck it up, be honest, and see what happens. Its all you can do.
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 smoochme, can you plse fix your opening post? I'm not certain which guy said what. For that matter, I'm not even certain what you're asking.
michelangelo Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 So, is anything you wrote "code" for who has a bigger unit?
darby1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 FUnny!!! well first off.. you have not been dating either of them long enough to get his love professed to you. So that doesn't mean anything.. however.. I'm gonna hit you with the brutal truth.... "Bro's before Hoe's". I know it's an awful quote, but neither of them are that invested into you and your really not that invested either.. even though you are having fun.. its just fun. Soooo, you might very well just loose em both and move on to a new batch of hopefuls. If you did get involved in a serious relationship with either of them, do you really want to be hangin with em both together and gee.. not to mention the whenever you fight that's the card he'll play, and jealousy!!! his images of you sleeping with his freind before him? no. new batch! how wierd that happened though. Ha! the odds.
Trialbyfire Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 So, is anything you wrote "code" for who has a bigger unit? I hope not! #1 and 2, are not enough! Now #6 - 8, would be good. IF it is code, I would advise that she dump both men, for the purposes of...long...term viability and compatibility.
Author smoochme2007 Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 Ha! This is the first time I've ever done this - what a blast!! Thanks all - you're awesome (and some of you are hilarious). Seriously, I am a good person, always have been and always will be honest with everyone I know, and no, I have not been using code - LOL! I like both of them but I guess, yeah, I was hoping that I could figure out a way to date at least 1 of them. I know, I know, I will probably lose them both. Guys (and girls), I know the truth is "Bros before Hoes: and frankly, I agree, unless you're in love, which none of us are. If you're interested to see how this turns out, visit on Sunday because that's when I'll post. Thanks again!
chrislovestosurf Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Sorry, but this is the worst post I have ever read in so many ways.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 A side note, I can't keep your chronology straight. I think you say guy 2 in place you meant guy 1 and vice versa. *head spinning* Agree, you seem to have mixed people up. Please write posts that make more sense.
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 There is no honesty in this case IF honesty includes dating BOTH guys. Sorry, your post was confusing and I think you misplaced #1 and #2 at certain points, but nonetheless: you must choose ONE of them and let the other one go - officially. Men are not like women, to fight and hiss. They'll say "Oh, sure, no problem," but they'll walk away without telling you why. It sounds like your heart is set on guy #1, with whom you've slept, so let the other guy know that he's out of the picture and let your preferred guy know the same thing. Regarding NOT hurting them, you can't control somebody's feelings. You can't prevent somebody from being hurt if you're honest. Your job is to be fair and honest, not to invent scenarios that would prevent pain to people who cherish unrealistic expectations about you. Just stop feeding their expectations the moment you know there should be none.
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